The Turkish Lie

I don't have a clue who this is. But she's Turkish & she's smoking hot...

I don’t have a clue who this is. But she’s Turkish & she’s smoking hot…

It was coming sooner or later. I could sense it more likely to be the former. Since Turkish Delight had moved to Europe for university, it was only a matter of time before she’d either drift off due to her inevitable new found attention, or start asking questions now we were a few hundred miles closer.

To be honest, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she did drift off into the arms of another. Although I had developed a level of care for her, I certainly wasn’t in love. And she’s a good person; it would be remiss of me to deprive her of the opportunity to experience things she probably wouldn’t be able to back in her home country, as a young woman.

We’d arranged to chat over Skype & it went well. She was happy to speak to me too, & the mutual attraction was still certainly there. I did notice something slightly different about her demeanor however. Experience over the years has told me this either means interest or some interaction with another guy; at least interest but it can be up to full sex. Or, that she was suspicious about something.

However the conversation proceeded well & we went on to discuss me coming to her to visit. I had been weighing up the situation. Although there wasn’t a risk of me getting into a difficult situation as I had done before thanks to the glory of social media, I didn’t want to even risk anything. I had previously booked flights to see Turkish Delight in her home country, but she’d cancelled on me a couple of days before. Except for the financial loss, I wasn’t that bothered as I didn’t really feel like flying all the way out there. But my reasoning on continuing relations with her was the same as it was here; I wanted to experience being with her at least one more time.

I planned to visit her. Verman was in the next city, I planned to see both of them in one weekend; to double up. I made the arrangements but Turkish Delight held off on me booking the flights until she’d got back to me with her ‘schedule’. Perhaps it was my cynicism, but I wondered what this meant. I didn’t stress about it of course, but was intrigued as to what this meant.

I didn’t hear anything for a while, but didn’t press the point. In the end, I wanted to try to keep some momentum going, so I suggested instead the following weekend. This seemed to work well for everyone, so everything was good.

Until I found out 2014 hall of famer JapYog, was coming through my town that same weekend; the girl who is responsible for some of the best overall sex I’ve ever had in my life. This changed a few things, so I made an excuse that I’d forgot I’d agreed to host someone who was passing through town that weekend, so unfortunately would have to reschedule. Verman took it quite well (despite it being the third time I’d cancelled on her) & Turkish Delight seemed OK with it too. But her demeanor still was interesting to me.

I broke the topic which we both knew was simmering beneath, which ultimately resulted in her asking me if I’d met other women since we’d first met each other. Not (generally) being in the business of brutally shattering young girls ideas about me, I simply replied with ‘yes’.

In short, that transpired with her basically assuming I’d meant either met romantically or fucked. When I went into more depth & tried to isolate it to either the sex or something else (without specifying those words), it seemed as though the emotional side of me meeting other girls was of far more importance than if I’d fucked them or not. I actually felt a little bad at this point. Perhaps I’d underestimated the depth of her feelings for me.

It was clear she was becoming very upset about her understanding of me meeting people. I concluded her demeanor had been fed by the uncertainty about what my life was away from her. Now there was no reasonable reason why I shouldn’t have let her come & visit me now we were closer & not restrained by her visa restrictions. I could feel her spiralling downwards into cutting things between us, & I had to adjust the conversation, for her faith in men as well as my own selfish desires.

I began by telling her when I said I ‘met’, all I’d meant was I’d met them as friends, in the same way I’d met other men. Simple company & nothing more. Of course, it was a flagrant lie. It took several exchanges to bring her back to a stable enough mentality to listen rationally again. After, we went back to pretty much where we were before; some devotion from her towards me & her under the impression I had not been with other women.

Any reader of this blog will know full well that’s not the case, even in the slightest. I’m currently doing my best to get through as many women as possible before the end of this year. It should be one of the best & eventful years so far.

This only confirmed one thing for me; despite women’s protestations of requiring honesty, there generally is simply no advantage to being entirely honest with a girl, particularly pre sex. Instead, it is far better for all involved to enjoy the time you are spending together for what it is, & instead of outright lying (as I chose to do here, in the interests of preserving a young girl’s belief in men & love), to instead adopt an approach of not addressing specifics, unless left with no other choice.

To simply not raise or worst case, dodge questions is always the better choice. Sure, the overall moral symphony chorus dictates that you should be honest, but in reality if you don’t, someone else (our friend Pedro the Brazilian waiter for example) is simply going to do it instead.

You can’t save the world on your own. You can’t swim upstream forever. One of the highest echelons of intelligence is that of adaptability. Evolution itself has proven this to be so, so make like a Bearded Iguana, evolve, survive & then prosper.

The Giant Experiment: Update 2

I couldn't find absolutely anything worth looking at when searching for 'online dating sexy', so instead you get this charming young lady to look at.

I couldn’t find absolutely anything worth looking at when searching for ‘online dating sexy’, so instead you get this charming young lady to look at.

Here we are again, trawling through the murky waters of what is the absolute depths of dating; online. While I realise half the purpose of this endeavor was indeed to test my own abilities somewhat, I have realised the actual quality of women using the online medium in this part of town, is fairly dismal to say the least.

I’ve literally swiped through everyone in the city & a fifteen mile radius. Everyone. The only remaining people are those who wander in to the radius (I like to think more like ‘have sank to the depths’) of the catchment area (rock bottom).

The quality is genuinely poor. I had to change my age a little (I can usually get away with a few years less anyway), because being in the thirty five plus bracket was truly, fucking dismal. While I regularly find myself saying out loud sentences such as ‘look at the fucking state of you’ or ‘Jesus Christ, get it off the screen’ while swiping away at the best of times, the thirty five plus options were truly dire. I mean, not only are you looking at women who in real life you wouldn’t even glance at twice, but you’re presented with the old, broken versions of the same.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m all up for fucking an older woman any time. That is, as long as she is hot. I am very open minded but I’m not on a mission to right the world by banging women who aren’t getting enough sex, which seems here to be; clearly overweight, having a dodgy eye (bizarrely a frequent occurrence here apparently?) or just simply, being ugly. I’m sorry but while I don’t mind curves, I cannot abide a girl who is wildly overweight.

Anyhow, of the initial eighty five, I must’ve gone through another fifty or so over the last three weeks. Of those fifty, I actually about about thirty five matches – a somewhat impressive achievement one might think. Of those matches, no more than ten replied at all & I got four numbers. Of those four, I met with one & am due to meet with one other.

Last week I went through a couple of days where I’d really had enough of people barely replying or making any effort & sent out a generic ‘good morning, have a nice day message’, to test who even bothered to fucking reply. Those who didn’t were deleted. I became very intolerant of the whole system, & it was in fact only this morning while lying in bed I decided to take a different approach to my usual ‘cut everyone off’ strategy that I do when pissed off with something, & instead decided to just revert to the simple ‘one message only to every reply’ tactic & being more cold / demanding. After all, I don’t really care about anything substantial & need to think about it less, & just get them in the fucking bed.

However it hasn’t been all bad. Let’s go through the existing candidates & new joiners below;

SPC: We meet on average at least once every two weeks, mainly because of her son. The sex is getting better & we have a nice time together. She’s become less aggressive & more horny, which is good. I still think she’s gorgeous, so there’s no way I’ll be giving that up.

SwissItalian: Actually had to go to hospital with some serious back problems & at time of writing, is still laid up in the hospital. She’s actually a decent girl, but as she’s not willing to get down to action, I decided to give her some space. I won’t initiate contact again.

BalletDancer: She doesn’t give up on staying in touch, which to be honest I should be more grateful for. She’s hot & we have great sex now, as we know each other quite well. But we haven’t seen each other for three weeks or so now. Intending to keep her as regular thing though.

Venezuelan: All is good. Been stretching out our visits to save money though. See each other every three weeks on average now.

Verman: Went quiet on me & didn’t reply to my text, which as I’m sure I’ve mentioned before is one of the biggest ways to annoy me, third only to masking your weight on your online profile & cancelling on me on the same day. But then she got back in touch & whatever; she’s hot, one of the few girls on this list who is actually good in bed & living near Turkish Delight now, so I can double up.

Turkish Delight: I actually do care about this girl. She’s very sweet. She’s really becoming a woman now, looking great. I’m pretty sure she at least kissed someone recently, as I can see in her demeanor there’s something slightly different about her. But she’s still into me, so I have to oblige with a two in one visit as described above. Next week might be a good opportunity.

Brazilian: One of my favourite things in the world really is having sex with a girl who is over ten years younger than you, is sexually open minded & who you actually get on well with. She’d come back from Amsterdam where she’d obviously been banging another Brazilian guy, but I didn’t care at all. She came over & we had great sex, more than once. We were very compatible & her body was superb. That she kept saying how big I was also improved the situation. She’s now gone back to Brazil, so that’s all good. A contact abroad is always useful.

SingingChilean: To cut a long story short, she came to my house as I needed to get changed, before we went out for an omelette at a cool bar. I innocently got changed (instead of leveraging it as a short cut to getting naked). We had a tea & then started kissing in the kitchen, which before long led to the bedroom, where she got fucked. She seemed to enjoy it considerably, as did I thanks to her enthusiasm, large breasts & round ass. All in all, a regular to be, thanks to her ongoing enthusiasm also. She’ll be here again very soon as I write this in fact. The only downside was; she wasn’t shaved at all. It wasn’t a big problem, but perhaps I’ve been spoilt with completely shaved a lot recently.

SwissGerman: Died a death after I wasn’t able to spent enough time with her, thanks to my holiday & her being busy. Her youth was more appealing to me than actually her truth be told, so whatever. Met her for a coffee to keep things open for when she returns.

Austrian: As mentioned in my more detailed post, came over, got fucked & then went to Cuba. Haven’t spoke since & I’m not going to be the one to make contact. She’s knows where I am if she’s wants more.

New or returning one’s now!

CostaRican: This woman, I may have mentioned before. She’s actually pretty rough when all natural, but looks fucking hot when she’s puts some makeup on. And frankly, she looks like & is, a bit of a slut. But, she’s also quite funny & honest about her sexual escapades, which is all good in my book. She was seeing some dude, he’s out the picture & she tested the waters with me. I’ve made it clear to her if she wants regular, good, ongoing sex with no strings attached, I’m willing to step into the breach. Let’s see.

Serbian: Pretty funny in the sense, she has no time, is difficult to pin down to even something casual but yet I find her new profile on Tinder again the other day. While initially I was pissed off, I actually thought about it & decided instead to just carry on like I didn’t know. Who cares? I already know, I’m not going to find the girl of my dreams online. We already kissed & the chemistry was very good between us, so great sex awaits. I’ve pinned her down to coming to my place Wednesday, where she’ll be getting the full works.

SwissSun: A police officer! Pretty funny Swiss girl who I went to dinner with the other day & then tried to get into bed after we went back to my house. She was a bit hesitant & I’m not one to press the point, so I listened to her telling me about how she doesn’t know what she wants & perhaps wants a relationship etc. I responded to her by telling the truth; I would be potentially open to anything but want to let things develop naturally. This must be one of the best responses to a girl who is talking about how ‘she’s looking for something more’ blah blah, because it’s irrefutable. How can anyone realistically disagree with ‘letting things develop naturally’? So I let her go, we message every now & then, & I’ll probably meet with her again soon to try to get her in the bedroom. Has lovely big porn star eyes, is actually funny & pretty down to earth.

MexiAust: Mexican / Austrian girl passing through town for a weekend. Impromptu meeting. Got on very well, lots of sexual tension. Tried to be direct & propose her to come to my place for ‘breakfast’ the next morning, which was almost successful but then we just ended up meeting for a drink before she left, which was somewhat anticlimactic. She then left, we messaged a bit but guess what? She has a habit of not replying to messages! Which particularly with her, pissed me off to the point of me deleting her number entirely. From my education on narcissists from Zan’s recent pieces, I could see a lot of those signs too. She’s messaged me again today, we’ve talked & then she’s just randomly stopped replying again. So whatever, again she knows where I am.

BlondeGerman: About time we had another blonde in this list. Early days but pretty new face in town from Germany matched online with me. After a couple of exchanging messages, I thought ‘fuck it’ & went directly to see if she might want to meet for a drink. Surprisingly said yes, arranged to meet & then went quiet. In line with my new non-absolutist philosophy, I decided to message her asking what happened when she simply didn’t make or communicate our meeting. She apologised, said she was busy with a training course & whatever else she said after I stopped paying attention. Meeting in a couple of days for a drink. No high expectations but let’s see.

FilipinoHostess: Another random match passing through town. Some heavy flirting over text, followed by her saying she hadn’t had sex in two years. She is an air hostess, so periodically in town & so after a coffee meeting in person (important to confirm she actually looked good), I suggested a reasonable suggestion of being regulars lovers, which she wanted to commence immediately. I’d already gone home by this point however, & just couldn’t be bothered anymore. Last update was she’s already requested additional trips to where I am. Again, let’s see.

And that’s it for now. Quite exhausting even writing about it to be honest! I’ll conclude the experiment after another one or two updates, as some things have been confirmed & concluded, without much surprise in all honesty.

~ Unjaded

The Other Man

Mirjam Weichselbraun, hot Austrian woman. Who unfortunately my Austrian didn't look anything like.

Mirjam Weichselbraun, hot Austrian woman. Who unfortunately my Austrian didn’t look anything like.

I’d been away for five days, visiting my family back home. It takes me a little time to get there & back, so I had to go for at least these five days, or it wasn’t really worth it. Plus her & I needed a little space. Things hadn’t been too good between us for a while. We’d now been together for over six years. Things had been great in the beginning. While I couldn’t say it had ever been explosive, we both felt good around each other whenever we’d spent time after first meeting in one of her classes & things developed from that. I’d plucked up the courage to ask her for a date, to which she said yes. We’d gone for a drink & she seemed like a really genuine girl. I was happy to meet someone with strong principles who could appreciate someone who was also a good guy.

Things continued well & but we hadn’t agreed to be exclusive. We’d spent time but hadn’t slept together. Actually she had been seeing another guy; I wasn’t sure what ‘seeing’ meant exactly but I didn’t want to risk ruining things, so I didn’t push the matter. I patiently waited for her to resolve things with the other guy & once things had stabilised after a few weeks, we became a serious couple. A little while later, we moved in together.

Things have been great until the last year or so. We didn’t make love for some time but I just assumed this is normally what happens after a few years in a relationship. Things cool off but the relationship will carry you through. I felt secure & have spent most of my evenings staying in, watching TV. She seems happy to look after the housework & so on. Things seemed good.

Recently though, she said she wanted to break up with me. I didn’t really know if she was serious or not. I didn’t know what to do. How will I find someone like her again? Things have been comfortable here for so long. Perhaps she’ll change her mind? She’s been spending a few late nights out recently. She went out & didn’t get back until five in the morning the other night. She said she’d been dancing salsa. I believe her, she’s a trustworthy person & it’s true she does like dancing.

I came back from my parents to an empty house. She said she’d move out but her stuff is still here. I don’t know where she is. I called her a couple of times this evening but with no response. I guessed she’s out dancing again. But come six in the morning, I called her again twice, again with no response. I kept trying but couldn’t get through.

It was now I started to worry. Was she OK? I hope nothing happened. Maybe she got drunk & something happened. I love her, & I know she loves me too. It’s just a difficult patch we’re going through, & I know we can make it work. She’s everything to me.

And so on…

If I was the Austrian’s boyfriend / ex-boyfriend / ‘whatever the fuck he is, I don’t care’, & I wrote this blog, I imagine that would be today’s post. Hell, I even used to think like that, way back when I was Jaded. Almost unthinkable now, that I would refer to a woman as ‘everything to me’ & doing everything in my power to ‘make it work’, with a person who clearly is only being practical in her selfish desires.

What was actually happening Friday night? Well, the pre-planned night involved her coming to my place because it was easier for her to get to the airport. That in itself was bullshit, but as with most women you can’t make a direct proposal inviting them to your place – only insinuate or allude to it. Which of course I’d already done previously to us setting a date. I was away, she was going away to Cuba & we both knew it. I also knew what even an admittedly average white European girl in Cuba was going to be proposed more than once in the two months she’d be there, so I wanted to move quick.

The bottom line is; she wanted to fuck me. From grinding up against me in the spa on our first date, she apparently hadn’t been touched by her boyfriend or any man for two years. That was then, & I’m fairly certain she’d been with someone since then.

But as usual, I don’t care. Women don’t affect me anymore, unless I let them in. And very, very few get there because when they do, they can fucking destroy me. I’ve seen a lot in the last two years & chatting with these various women in that time, be it in person or online. And I hear all kind of bullshit, as the majority of them delude themselves & create stories or beliefs to justify their behaviours. Put simply, I see straight through it, almost every time, It may take a little longer in some cases than others, but before long (usually no more than two or three conversations of reasonable length), I have them mainly figured out.

I hear it, & then simply play along. Let them believe I’m stupid enough to think what their saying is the truth. I keep my distance for the most part, just giving enough to keep them interested. And whatever bullshit they come out with, I just go along with it until, I get what I want. Sex.

And then the entire dynamic changes, because they no longer have that same bargaining chip.

She came over, we watched a film (hence not requiring any effort on my part). I broke down the initial physical barriers on the sofa as I held her & stroked her. Then she came to my bed, where I simply undressed her & fucked her. She loved every second. Honestly it wasn’t that great, as she simply isn’t as hot as the typical women I sleep with. But I was horny & she wanted it, so my work there is done.

The Austrian is going to Cuba, to learn salsa & Spanish. Ten years ago, I might have been stupid enough to think that was an entirely innocent trip. And that’s the key; there’s nothing I could say reasonably to suggest anything otherwise. To suggest at least some of the reason she’s going there is for the mountain of cock she’ll have proposed to her. She is going for the salsa & Spanish, but she’s perfectly aware of the chance to get laid with at least a couple of guys.

In the vast majority of the cases, when you about a girl going on a trip like this (particularly a Western girl), don’t believe for a second she hasn’t considered what sexual experiences she might garner along the way. Every time a girl goes out ‘with her girls’, don’t believe for a second she hasn’t considered she hasn’t subconsciously considered the possibility of meeting another guy.

Ask yourself; if you were to write about your day, who do you want to be? The boyfriend of Austrian? Or the guy fucking the girl who couldn’t care less about him??

You make your life & yourself, how you want it to be.

~ Unjaded

With Friends Like These…

...I won't be leaving the house.

…I won’t be leaving the house.

Single minded obsession, depression, high on the chase, bitter at the fallout, anger, pain, resentment, guilt, regret & finally, embarrassment. Add a touch of grieving for what was / wasn’t & you have a good summary there of where my head has been at for the last three months, after my experiences with Thorn.

I threw myself straight into obtaining any pussy I could get my hands on. My preference for older women, that I had temporarily put aside during my relationship with Thorn, has resurfaced with reckless abandon. I quite simply adore the older woman. They know what they want & have a compassion gained through life experience. The sheer thrill they get from fucking the shit out of a toyboy is matched only by my own thrills. It’s mutual, we connect & we both gain what we want from it.

I have been seeing two women in their early to mid forties since Thorn & they have been some of the funniest, memorable times I have experienced with women in the last three years. One I am currently seeing is into bondage, candle wax play, veering between submissive & dominant tendencies. More on that in the near future.

Despite taking the first steps towards becoming ‘unjaded’ myself, I in fact find myself very jaded at times. I still am in a vulnerable place due to previously had someone using my every fear & insecurity against me. It’s no surprise to find that I question everything when it comes to human interaction.

I have three solid friends I know I can go to with all the trust in the world, no fear of judgement & all of whom have at least a similar mentality. These being Unjaded, The Spanish Knife & The Hermit (the latter called as such, due to his sage advice, despite generally not choosing to participate in typical life). These are friendships that have been maintained for the best part of twenty years. My recent judgments in terms of the company I generally keep though, was coming into question.

It is the one thing I will give Thorn some credit for. She pointed out certain things regarding my friends that I was loathe to admit at the time. Certain people brought my mood down & at times took my friendship for granted. She didn’t like any of them but my focus at the time was not on them. It was all pulled towards her.

Two of these friends are RarebitMankRarebit became one of my closest friends in my hometown for the last eighteen months. A walking ball of menace, unpredictable moods & a loyalty that stretches to wanting to fuck anyone up that crossed my path. He also likes ale as much as I do.

Mank is a twenty two year old female. A twenty a day smoker, whisky drinker & has a degree in chemistry. In terms of men though, her intelligence is limited. A past of rape, abuse & running away from home brought her in my general direction. We were attracted to each other prior to Thorn but circumstances meant nothing materialised, so I went with Thorn. After the conclusion of that though, Mank made her move.

A night out with both Rarebit & Mank ended up with me going back to Mank’s place. We kissed, began to undress & just before sex seemed like it would happen, she froze up; her issues from her past preventing anything from happening. It wound me up to be honest. Residual anger from my relationship with Thorn exploded out of me towards Mank. I guess she touched a nerve.

My red flag radar was off the charts & later that week, Mank confided to Rarebit what had happened. I could begin to see where was this going. Mank was attempting a triangulation in an attempt to maximise all attention on herself. Recently educated to such behaviour, I decided to play along with the game & see how it panned out.

I played a game of show & tell. Basically showing Mank metaphorically everything, but telling her nothing about my intentions. We went out a few times. I put minimal effort in to gain her interest & did some triangulation of my own. I felt we could keep it a secret from Rarebit as Mank had mentioned her concerns that he appeared interested in her. All bullshit of course. He had never once expressed sexual interest in her, instead taking more of a protective big brother mentality. But I was having issues with Rarebit at this time anyway. His moods were more polarised than usual, him taking advantage of my generosity & generally being a difficult moody cunt. I let some of it slide due to my own ever changing mood swings during my recent experienceswhich he’d experienced first hand.

I had hit a point of no return though. I wasn’t going to let it continue. At times during my relationship with Thorn, I had needed someone to have a stern word with me. Unjaded & The Spanish Knife had done so at times, but then I wasn’t in a place to listen. Rarebit had then used the situation to his advantage, taking what he could & justifying it by proclaiming himself as my friend at my worst time. Things were coming to a head. With Mank & I getting closer, Rarebit getting moodier, & a night out with the three of us coming up it was all set to kick off. And so it did.

An afternoon meet up for food & catch up with Unjaded preceded the events. After catching up on recent conquests, game mentality & general all round business, off we went into the city centre. As we travelled downtown, I mentioned I was meeting up with Rarebit & Mank. His response made me laugh.

‘Why the fuck do you hang around with these guys? They bring your mood down. When you meet up with The Spanish Knife & I, you have a good time & go home happy’.

I laughed on the inside. He was right. I knew it but I had my single minded obsession head on. I wanted going to see how this night panned out. Unjaded headed off to a date & I continued to the pub. Once I arrived, my first action was to intentionally crank up the tension by sticking an endless selection of Pantera & Slayer on the jukebox; angry music to suit my mood. The Spanish Knife also joined us for a few hours but he was in a tired mood & so was very quiet. But this was good. I know how observant he is when he steps back & takes in what goes on around him. I would be interested to know his own thoughts a later day. Eventually he left & the night went predictably pear shaped.

Mank & Rarebit spent most of the evening outside the pub smoking. I was genuinely concerned at this point. I know how volatile Rarebit can be & if Mank was playing with him like she was attempting to with me, then I knew it would be asking for trouble. I went to play some pool with the locals to distract myself temporarily, but I was in poor form with my mind still elsewhere. After losing a game, I stepped out of the pub to find Rarebit on his own. I asked him what was up.

‘I’ve just been telling Mank for the last half an hour that I don’t want to fuck her.’ was his response. He then walked right past me & disappeared to the toilet.

I wandered back in & found Mank being chatted up by another guy. She was clearly loving all of the attention coming her way. I interjected to ask if she was OK. The guy glanced at me & then back to Mank, making a comment about not realising she wasn’t alone. Rarebit returned from the toilet with almost physic timing, saw what was going on & it lit the touch paper. He pushed the guy in the chest & then disappeared, leading to the guy taking his anger out on me. He made a derogatory comment about me & it took a lot for me not to wrap a nearby pool cue around his head. This guy was a typical villager & he wasn’t worth the hassle. Mank had also conveniently disappeared by this point. Once it got vocal between us, another guy stepped in & separated us. The bar staff then refused to serve me so I left.

What followed was some of the most childish behaviour I have ever seen. Three people all with different versions of events. Rarebit was raging uncontrollably, as he had let his volatile temper get the better of him yet again. This wasn’t helped by Mank insisting he had throttled the guy he’d squared up to. He actually hadn’t, but every time I mentioned this to her, Mank interrupted & would not let me finish speaking. Like a child having a temper tantrum, she kept marching off & disappearing for ten minutes at a time when not getting her way. The final time was when the guy that split up the potential fight caught up with us & asked what happened. I told him to ask Mank as she insisted she knew every detail. This angered her & off she went, storming off with Rarebit running after her. I haven’t seen or heard from her since.

A few weeks on, Rarebit & I have again caught up & resolved our issues. I laid it all on the line about his foul moods, including the fact that he took me for granted as a friend & how I felt he was utilising my situation with Thorn to gain what he wanted from our friendship. He first looked like he was going to tear me apart but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Once he calmed down, he admitted he wanted to but he couldn’t. I was right & it would justify my opinions. One or both of them had to go. I decided it had to be her. Since then, we are still friends but  I have kept him at arms length. He does seem to be genuinely trying to turn himself around. I hope it isn’t just lip service.

For me, life is taking off. My confidence is rising again & I becoming stronger than I ever was. Not only am I learning to enjoy my own company again, I’m also enjoying my new found freedom with aplomb. As for Thorn, I still haven’t heard from her but I am on guard. You never know…

~ Zan

Responsibility & A Holiday

52

I’ve just spent last week fucking a girl who looks like this. How was your weekend?

Here I am again, in one of my most reflective of spots, the airport. I believe over one and a half years ago now, this blog was started in an airport, & now continues on in that same traditional fashion.

Why? Difficult to say, but being honest it’s probably because being on a plane or in an airport often means you have very little distractions around you. And more often than not, all of us are prone to delay decision making or responsibility, & instead choose distraction. It’s understandable. We are faced with a multitude of choices in modern day life & particularly as a man, a wealth of supposed responsibility.

There’s a concept; that of a man’s responsibility. It was once understood that from need of the overall environment & situation, a man would take responsibility for what & who he brought into his life. The nature of the world where the man was the only one who often, was even able to bring income into a household, meant he accepted this, should he take a woman or father a child. Roll forward forty to fifty years & things have changed. Women have long been campaigning to show they are at least as capable as men at anything they can do & as far as Western culture gender equality has gone, have completed their goal to an exceeding degree. In many cases, the system & society as a whole is weighted against men. Even one were to disagree with that point, it’s simply undeniable that access or facilitation into any area of life is clearly possible for women.

So one must ask, if a man is constantly reminded through the media, society & even his partner of his lack of worth, why would one accept any bestowed declarations of responsibility?

I’ve just come back from a week’s holiday with Venezuelan. That’s why I’m sat in an airport, awaiting my connection back to my current locale after the long haul flight was predictably delayed & I got transferred to the next flight. Incidentally, I’m very cold as I forgot to take out my jumper from my hold baggage before departing.

The holiday with her was actually pretty good. I must say she’s the only girl I’ve been with in quite some time who doesn’t annoy the fuck out of me with some pseudo intellectual bullshit she saw on social media, doesn’t act like a princess & surprisingly at times, goes out of her way to help me. Often I’ve just felt like girls are only taking from me, & all I’m getting out of it is regular sex & company when I need it.

We relaxed, enjoyed ourselves, fucked like crazy & then spent the last couple of days joining her friend for what was basically their delayed honeymoon. Unfortunately the hotel was suffering from an outbreak of some horrible virus & I was laid out for twenty four hours. That was the day I realised you can watch sport for twelve straight hours on US television. It was a good holiday & I have to say, she didn’t annoy me at all. She became a little clingy on the flight back but in fairness she was also stifling food poisoning on a flight which was scary as fuck near landing, from being blown almost completely out of line with the landing strip on approach.

The thing about going on holiday is, it really removes all those aforementioned distractions & gives you a chance to think about things. And I did in fact realise, that a lot of how my life has transpired, has been driven by the various girlfriends I have had & me then making the best of the fallout. I’ve had probably five girlfriends where I’ve thought I at least loved them, & I’ve done the following;

GF1: Changed universities at the last minute, after we’d spent hours going over places that did course we both wanted. I left without her, in my first band & with four amazing friends. It was also the time when I started to realise how much pussy was actually available out there.

GF2: Moved to a very large city. We ended, with me having cheated on her rampantly but it ending because she wanted to do voluntary work abroad. Realised the real availability of relatively easy sex with foreign girls in big cities.

GF3: Not strictly a girlfriend as I was still with GF2 at the time. Realised what quality of girls I was capable of getting & travelled abroad alone for the first time. Also, the first time a girl breaking up with me broke me somewhat.

GF4: The first time I truly thought I’d found the one, in EEP. The relationship degenerated badly over time & I realised in hindsight I was partially to blame. Some of the most consistently amazing sex I’ve had though. I left the big city for my central European hideout, where I realised the efficiency at which I could go through women, almost systematically. Probably when I’d become the most heartless & cold in my life too.

GF5: The self inflicted cause of one of the lowest points of my life, well documented here & one subject I do not wish to detail again. The cause of me being based where I am now, & also the biggest shock to myself, at how drastically I became emotionally reliant upon someone. That had never happened to me before.

Which leads us to the present day, with Venezuelan being the leading contender to be the next one. Her desire is I move back home, where we’d then move in together.

The bride who we’d visited for the belated wedding celebration had her baby with her & although baby in question was actually pretty cute, it reminded me of how boring having a baby seems to be to me. In the first place, I never have the overwhelming urge to pick up babies or obsess about them. Sure, I’ll play with them if they’re cute like baby in question, but even baby in question simply made me realise; I couldn’t give a fuck about babies. Literally all of the bride & groom’s time and/or focus was taken up by the baby. It was almost as though you had ceased to be people. I can understand if people might initially get a little excited about a baby, but after nothing else for several hours, it was boring as fuck. And this was a nice cute baby!

Venezuelan doesn’t want children, which is a massive bonus. Despite the logistical difficulties that began this year, if things hadn’t planned out how they did, I could have a three to four month pregnant girlfriend by now. Jesus man. I truly must have a good guardian angel, who knows what’s better for me than I do myself.

So, is it going to be the same again, where my movements & plans revolve around another? The fact I’m reflecting upon it would suggest otherwise. However, I’m also being realistic. As I have said before, although I don’t subscribe to the notion of getting ‘too old’ for X, Y or Z, I do need to be realistic. I don’t like going out to clubs or bars anymore & even when I do, I’ve been in the game so long I see the vast majority of these bitches for what they are; superfluous, superficial, short term idiots. And here when I use the term ‘bitches’, I’m talking about the men & the women. Although obviously only the latter is of relevance to me. I’ve seen it all before & I’m tired of playing the game. I love the fucking, that’s true. But the bullshit that goes with it, makes me question if it’s worth it.

More now for the general populace than ever before. I’m actually grateful I was born when I was, because at least I experienced some of the time before every woman though she was a princess waiting to be won thanks to Tinder.

I have seven women who want to fuck me when I get back. The BalletDancer, SPC, some horse riding woman, the LargeBreastedChilean, the Austrian, the Serbian & the twenty three year old SwissGerman. Of those, in reality none of them would make a good girlfriend because they respectively are; too weird, has a kid, just up for fucking, boring, too busy & leaving in about 2 weeks. The bottom line is, if I tried to get a decent woman now who hasn’t got tangible or non-tangible baggage, it’d be very hard. And this is the bottom line for most men, & especially those dating women in the thirty to forty age bracket. This is the biological turning point for women & it’s entirely clear when you’re dating this ago demographic.

So, these factors of tiredness of the game, the other options & finding a woman who isn’t fucking totally obsessed with having a kid are all plusses towards me sacking it off & going home.

Then on the other side, I have a wide selection of women already to have fun with, as well as my band. The former I can get anywhere, but the latter – well honesty, I think it’s my last shot at finding a talented, unjaded & humble group of individuals who want to make good honest music. Although they’re as terrible as other musicians at getting organised, there is an excellent dynamic in the band. I would have left after the beginning of the year for sure if that was not ongoing.

I don’t drink, do drugs or smoke any longer. I even feel guilty if I break my diets or play video games for a while to switch off. The one thing I do a lot though, is fuck women. A lot of women compared to the average. It’s clear that is either my passion, my goal or my weakness. And I often have wondered if there is a higher force that is either using this to guide me somewhere, or in fact it is as simply a characteristic in my person & it is my resourcefulness or survival ability to make the best of what are my own bad decisions (or lack thereof), that leads to my successes.

Recent difficulties with my family have also made me realise there is also the possibility of being left entirely alone, or bouncing between baggage filled women to temporarily fill that gap, as the years roll by. And truth be told, although I am pretty good at chatting with women once the conversation has been started (to the point of rapidly getting them naked), my mood & the general fatigue of playing the game often leaves me feeling like I just can’t be bothered. I’ve noticed there’s very few women that really make me think ‘wow’ & even then, after some observation I again often find something I see which switches me off fairly quickly. I don’t really like approaching women to be honest, mainly because the majority of them are hypocritical, delusional cunts. I dislike most of them by default anyway & so hold in distain the idea of me doing anything to support their false notions of grandeur. As already mentioned, their issues pile up in their thirties & as a result, you’re often left with the detritus as you get older.

And again, this is a criticism I apply to most people, not just women. But I’m not into fucking men.

So in summary, I believe I have to do what is right for me. I always planned to buy a third property as my baseline retirement plan & with contract negotiations coming up on my return to work, I feel I am in a strong position to negotiate higher. I’ll have to stay out here another six months at least to get the deposit together, for the first stage of the ultimate plan to get our of the rat race; my baseline retirement plan so to speak.

Further to that, there’s also the possibility of working abroad. Once I’ve purchased this last property, there is less urgency for any onward plans, which means I can take less money & utilise my career to explore new destinations. While I could do this with a partner, let’s face it; half the intrigue for me is the possibility of banging a whole new subset of women.

It’s entirely possible Venezuelan won’t like that. But if that is so, then it is so. It’s that time of my life where I have to stick to my own plans & if she can & wants to come along for the ride, then so be it. But all in good time.

We have one life & we have to live it as we see best.

~ Unjaded

The Giant Experiment: Update 1

The kind of girl often used to advertise online dating sites, & precisely the same type you won't meet online.

The kind of girl often used to advertise online dating sites, & precisely the same type you won’t meet online.

Right then, it’s about time I updated you all on my experiences using the worst medium in the world, in the worst place in the world, as I truly test my abilities as a man of the women, in the truest meaning of the word. Not a little bitch who sacrifices his dignity & everything he naturally is, at the first sniff of pussy.

We started with a round figure of eighty five candidates, all matches on Tinder. Not wasting my time with personalising messages to each profile, I copied & pasted a generic ‘Hey, how’s it going?’.

Let’s start here. Wouldn’t I maximise my chances by personalising my profile, as is often suggested by various guides on the internet? Surely every princess wants to feel special & unique?

No. No, you wouldn’t. Want to know why? Let me break it down for you. Even the most basic of bitches gets an obscene amount of attention on Tinder, even if a lot of it is ‘what she doesn’t want’ e.g. sexual. Even that basic level of sexual attention is something a basic bitch isn’t going to experience before she get on Tinder, whence the dogs get bold & start spamming girls with the most basic of machine gun approaches. The basic bitch subconsciously starts to think she’s special, but bad news brown; you’re just part of the game.

As I like to occasionally do, an aside: do you honestly think all the ‘holier than thou’ women on Tinder who are ‘not looking for ONS’ (one night stands, for the uninitiated among you all) won’t fuck a guy they match with who takes their fancy? Of course they will, they’ll just delude themselves through the process. Meet up, convincing themselves of the possibility of more, go through X number of dates & enjoy the eventual sex. Bang for a while, after which the guy will lose interest & then their ‘hearts will be broken’.

But then, they’ll be doing the exact same thing a month later. With another dude. Don’t get sucked in by the bullshit. If a girl is truly falling in love with you, she’ll agree to practically any arrangement to be with you. The White Russian did this for me, turning up on my doorstep & offering me an open relationship, just to be with me. Probably a mistake not to take her up on that in hindsight. They are simply practicaltaking whatever they can from the situation & fully aware of how things will likely pan out.

From the eighty five, I have had significant conversations with nine of them. A significant conversation here is defined as more than two exchanges of messages. Of those nine, I’ve met five & expect to sleep with five. That’s not arrogance, but is simply the result of the meetings I’ve with them. Two were significant conversations that ended abruptly, which out of principle & also as a test I intentionally didn’t message again. The remaining two were a transexual who I actually would have met out of interest if nothing else but whom stopped communicating, & another girl who departed before we could meet, who happily we (virtually) parted on good terms. Needless to say, she was from the far East (Kazakhstan as I remember).

There were also two hookers peddling their wares, exchanging numbers saying they were going to be in town on a certain date. Their eagerness to give away their burner numbers was the obvious sign. Needless to say, they immediately got blocked & deleted.

So, our five winners, who i’ll keep short in respect of brevity; a twenty three year old Brazilian girl who is actually leaving next week. Was just to meet up for me to ‘cook her dinner’ at my place last week but I was a bit ill. I almost completely fucked it up with a rather too direct joke about her going to see a guy in Amsterdam, but managed to salvage it. So she’s now coming for ‘lunch’ in a couple of days, because SPC comes over later that same evening. I’ll have to make sure I’m well rested that day, given that the last time I saw SPC she was trying to get my dick out in the middle of a main station in gratitude of pleasant evening together. Plus we’ve already had sex, so I’m not expecting much sleep that night.

The following day, I meet the SingingChilean. We actually had similar taste in music & she also sings, which was actually really interesting. I couldn’t say she’s ugly but she’s not a mind blower. A cracking pair of breasts though, with a very similar figure to her who shall not be named, which will be fun for sure. I haven’t slept with her yet but will manoeuvre her back to my place during the day eventually gradually warm her up. The way she was looking at me when we first met & a couple of her own obvious references to her large breasts psychologically paved the way for me.

In the late evening of that same day, I’ll meet the Austrian. Who, although quite boring is definitely up for some fun. And to be honest, if I’m having a shitty day, is always on hand for a conversation at least. And frankly, she’s just come out of what sounds like a depressingly dull six year relationship, doesn’t seem bothered that I’ve clearly indicated I’m seeing other women, was practically fucking me when we went to a spa together. So I look forward to sex with a girl who frankly, won’t have a prayer of matching me in bed & I intend to blow her mind.

There is also a Slovakian, who as I did mention in a previous post again isn’t overly attractive & with whom I was rather bored on the date with, but who over text I have put a lot of groundwork into. The gym work paid off, as I sent her a couple of pictures (but not too much: no dick pics or even full shots). Since then she seems to want to check it out for real. We’ll see: can’t be bothered to put too much effort into this one.

Finally last night, I met a SwissGerman girl, of twenty three years old, who is leaving in one month & who openly admitted to me she ‘hasn’t got laid’ for a while. She’s a bit of a geek like I secretly / obviously am & so we got on really easily. She’s actually very hot too, with a killer body & a pretty face. We also had a few of those eyes contacts where you’re obviously eye fucking each other. I have this with SPC all the time & for the first time in a real, I’m a little apprehensive about me being dominated by her! But that’s fucking awesome, I haven’t had a girl fuck me properly for a while now. I expect much of the same from SwissGerman, although may need to slowly speed things up, in a perverse manner of description.

Although in forthcoming updates I’ll be sure to update you on the progress of these, I have another approximately fifty matches from the last two weeks lined up for round two.

~ Unjaded

Who The Fuck Are You?

It was a toss up between this, & a picture of a awfully fat woman Jezebel was trying to promote as 'sexy'. What the fuck ever...

It was a toss up between this very sexy woman, & a picture of a awfully fat woman Jezebel was trying to promote as ‘sexy’. What the fuck ever. Pretty sure like me, you’d rather see this.

The Great Experiment is still very much underway, & there is much to tell. The hours of the days are simply not enough for me to describe the multitude of insight & confirmations I’ve had since beginning; for the majority, as depressingly predictable as one might expect.

But as mentioned, my day game is still very much on the boil in recent weeks, taking a slight backseat this week as I struggle through the days with some virus or some such, that starts my week with a massive nosebleed & then follows with consecutive days of what can only be described as feeling akin to jet lag. Lots of coffee & looking forward to getting home, only to restart the process again. Man, I really have to get the fuck out of the rat race asap.

Part of my recent day game has been at the gym, as it often has in recent years. Safe in the knowledge that I can attribute most of any failures to either language, racism or the general fucking attitude problem people have here in the worst place you’ve ever been, I set about my ways to nail some pussy.

One of my pipeline targets who I don’t believe I’ve mentioned up until now is SwissGreek. Interesting mix, I hear you mumble, & you’d be right. Sharply carved features as you might find in a Swiss person (subject to the possibility of a nose job, all the rage with the Swiss), with the sultry features of a Greek. All good so far. We add additional value to the proposition, with the inclusion of a very highly trained body, offset with a brazenly attached big pair of fake breasts. Right up my street.

I noticed her about for a while & watched her from the corner of my eye, intentionally not making eye contact in the possibility she might be a bitch. I soon realise she’s also working at my gym, only a day a week however. I strike up a conversation as I left one day & flow into a number of compliments, admittedly somewhat uncontrolled towards the end as I see her lapping it up. I intentionally didn’t ask for her number, so as to set a little intrigue in her mind about me

‘All good’, I thought to myself, going off abound my horse into the sunset & about my business. ‘One of a few prospects’, I thought to myself, preparing myself for the usual routine. I’d wait until the next time I saw her in the gym, make some bullshit small talk & ramp up to getting her number.

The next time I saw her, it couldn’t have gone smoother. I did exactly that. I mentioned I wouldn’t be around that coming weekend because I’d be back in the UK, & perhaps we could meet the following week. A cheery exchange of smiles later, we carried on working out & left it at that.

I was aware I’d be away for quite a few days before I saw her again, so wanted to stay in her thoughts somewhat. I messaged her again, just the usual chit chat, how are you & so on.

I wasn’t getting much to work with. When I brought up the subject of meeting the following week, she said she couldn’t for a couple of weeks. Well versed in this type of bullshit, I replied simply with ‘OK. I understand’, understanding she wasn’t actually interested anymore. An undefined but certainly significant amount of time later, I finally got a reply stating ‘what do you understand?’. I replied bluntly; ‘that you are not interested anymore’.

She then sent me a lot of information that she had a crash in the gym car & had suffered some whiplash, & so her doctor had told her to take it easy for the next couple of weeks. I said ‘OK, just let me know when you’re free or feeling better & we can meet’. I sent her a cute picture of my dog later that day to cheer her up, to which I received little more than an acknowledgement. I felt that for some reason, that was the turning point. I’m not always photogenic, & perhaps I was being too nice.

From the point on, I’ve had little to work with. She replies to messages in bursts, initially seemingly enthusiastic to hear from me but as the conversation goes on, losing interest & then finally just not replying.

During these two weeks of recovery & particularly this week, where she said she ‘wanted to recuperate because she pushed herself too hard last week’, I’ve seen her in the gym no less than three times, doing squats, leg presses, pull ups & fucking anything else you wish to mention. Today I saw her with her friend, who is the girlfriend of a guy working there who I get on very well with & whom he is a great guy, but who I also was told by a third party in the know, was a total fucking slut before she got with him. We often keep company with those like ourselves or who we aspire to be like.

The final straw was today where I saw her, & she admittedly did smile, but barely acknowledged me. Then, her & her friend set up behind me when  throwing kicks all over the place, to the point where I had to move, despite being there first.

The whole time she was exercising next to me, she didn’t even so much as look over once. I saw her as I was leaving & raised my eyebrows in her direction as a test, & again barely got a response.

I will write this in bold capitals, but it still won’t do justice to how I really feel about this;

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

If there’s one thing I cannot stand about women, it’s this attitude of superiority which oozes out of some of them. I’ve created & achieved so much in my life, & you walk around acting like you’re better than me, because I was nice to you?

It seems like after I sent her the picture of my dog & I, something switched in her. Perhaps she’s looking for a ‘bad boy’ & that was something too nice for her. Or perhaps actually having enthusiasm in going out with her was also too much; far be it from her to have someone ask her out.

Honestly, I have no idea how people in this country get together or even hook up. Seventy five perfect of the people are one dimensional fuckers who think almost complete inertia, over taking a fucking risk in doing something, is cool, as long as you’re dressed well. Perception of image is everything, while actual substance is entirely absent. The SwissGreek for example, has admittedly done well in the gym as she did send me a picture of her before she started, & she really was a two or three. But has had a huge amount of plastic surgery done; a nose job, fake breasts, liposuction to name but a few. It’s done the job to be fair.

To be honest though, that last point is not the issue. If it was, I wouldn’t have been attracted to her in the first place. But I am surprised that someone who has been on the other side of life, in the same way as a self made millionaire generally is, would be a more down to earth & approachable. Even the aforementioned friend from the gym noted how she barely peeped a goodbye as I left the gym the other day. But yet she was gassing away with some other prick who was talking to her & her friend at the squat machine. I even said to her over text ‘I understand you’re but interested any longer, no worries’, to which she vehemently denied & said she needed a couple of weeks to recover. Then I saw her in the gym exercising at least three times that week.

I was messaging her, until she stopped replying, to perfectly reasonable questions. I was making the effort to talk to her, until she reached the point of barely acknowledging me, & then I stopped.

Why? Because I’m not a fucking cunt, girlfriend. As I’ve mentioned several times before, there is only one thing the understanding of a person should be derived from, & that is simply actions. Words mean nothing unless they are unprompted, with integrity & followed by action. This is how a person gains value in my eyes.

And the opposite; that is, words without action gains only my indifference. Because this is the most common, & I have no interest in this most common of attitudes in people. I’ll let you bleat out your piece, as you attempt to justify your standing and/or beliefs in life with all the conviction of a peacock displaying it’s grand feathers but who still remains intrinsically fragile, before letting you think you’ve convinced me. Little do you know, I keep even my potential enemies close & all you do when you speak is show me your weaknesses & fears, so I’ve got plenty of ammunition if you ever get overconfident & attempt to undermine me.

You can’t undermine something rebuilt on foundations from the ground up.

But for the most part, as long as the ego of these ‘common attitude’ people is fed & they feel special about themselves, they’ll be no threat. Consciously playing along with feeding someone’s ego is one of the powerful ways to dominate them.

The real lowest type of person is the person who says one thing, brazenly does another & then if discovered, firstly doesn’t seem to register or care about that inconsistency but moreover, if confronted (even in jest), tries to justify their behaviour or in the worst cases, is delusional in even recognising your issue with their contradictory behaviour.

Zan has recently cited this very condition in his excellent series of his experiences with a narcissist, as one of the central tenets of narcissism; the actual inability to see why your predominantly self obsessed behavioural patterns would be in question. And it must be said, this behaviour is commonplace predominantly in many women nowadays.

The question is why. It’d be easy to attribute much of this to average & below average women getting copious amounts of attention via stupid, internet protected men on applications such as Tinder. But it’s not only this & to be honest, I’m still trying to figure out why.

Perhaps it’s a result of the general efforts of Western society to become as asexual as possible; the celebration or absolution of women performing biologically unnatural behaviours such as promiscuity or adultery quickly forthcoming & as such, an attitude of invincibility in recent female generations.

‘I don’t have to justify my actions’ is a common riposte to one confronted about such behaviour. And this is true, you don’t. But whatever you say, one always remains accountable for their actions, regardless of action or inaction, & regardless if as a direct consequence or indirectly. And what in my opinion we are currently missing in the current situation is those people being made aware of this.

The action of the above for me personally, in the context of all the above, was simple. I remembered I wasn’t a fucking animal performing in the hope of impressing someone who isn’t even worthwhile for me & adjusted my behaviour appropriately.

The next time I saw SwissGreek was later that day. I noticed her arrive in the corner of my eye, coincidentally near where I had left my towel & bottle. I could have easily have used this as an excuse to rush over obediently & strike up some ‘nice guy’ conversation. But let’s face it, this would have been inauthentic. I originally wanted to fuck this person. Assuming it wouldn’t have been dreadful in that respect, I would have then quite happily even got to know her better, spent some time & see what developed. That’s quite a lot to potentially put on the table, even in principle.

After my initial interactions with her, I that day remembered or realised much of the above, & concluded in fact, I didn’t even like this person & for me to even consider entertaining those concepts again, I would need to see considerable effort on her side. Needless to say, I have seen nothing to date, as it’s clear she is someone convinced of her baseless high value. Let’s ask ourselves; without a vagina & given what I’ve learned about her so far, would I even be remotely interested?

Let’s make one thing crystal clear: I am not a effusive cunt. And so my behaviour changed to reflect my true feelings. Authenticity is vital.

~ Unjaded