I simply cannot understand people who want to spend all of their time with you. It’s not (for once) a woman specific thing. I have a friend who I can only assume must be in a state of denial, as he needs to constantly be surrounded by people to feel good. In fairness, I just spoke to him & began to realize how much he has actually been through in his life, which I didn’t really appreciate at the time.
Perhaps it was some sort of mechanism to prevent him from sinking too low when alone; something I’m personally familiar with. Another friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend because he felt like he was in his words ‘asleep’ & ‘in a dream’ for the last two years. He said all his free time felt like it was being planned for him; shopping Saturday, Sunday brunch etc. It certainly wasn’t in a malicious way; it sounded like his girlfriend just wanted them to spend quality time together. But her definition of ‘quality time’, while legitimate was based on typical examples. He wanted to concentrate fully on things he was genuinely passionate about, such as writing music. One could suggest this is the folly of men & women’s overall interactions in relationships. Men somewhat traumatized over time by the inevitable bad times develop a cautionary attitude in conflict with their genuine desire to make the relationship work; the desire to avoid conflict.
As RZA has said, ‘nothing can crush a man’s soul more than coming home to conflict from a relationship’. So he begins to stop suggesting things at the risk of blame being laid at his feet if it doesn’t work out; he starts to allow the woman to make decisions for activities. That’s against the inherent nature of most men, which is to take risks for higher reward. Risk is the very essence of man. A person can only act so much though.
You often see it when couples who’ve got a family or have been together & been going through the motions get together in bigger groups of like-minded people. They congregate together, almost as though to commiserate each other in their boredom, with the resignation of people just knowingly going through the motions with little more to come. The boredom of happiness. While the nature of my life is such that I often abstain from free time because I get bored, I can’t even remember the last time I actually truly had some time to myself. My ‘social calendar’ is regularly filled by Main, where she’s increasing the quality of the relationship. I have no problem with this, but I do have a problem with a lack of balance. If I’m doing something I like to do by myself, I don’t expect to be bothered every five minutes with my opinion on something or questions about what I want to do in two weeks. A common reason why men get frustrated in relationships is because they are not given any freedom. Insecure women end up strangling men’s freedom, to reduce the perceived chance of them finding other women.
The chap I mentioned at the beginning of the article has a friend who is married to a fucking atrocious woman, despite him being a pretty decent guy. He’s from a family with old money, but in fairness to him has always worked & endeavored to stay as much like the working man as possible, some right wing views aside. All in all, he’s a decent guy. I remember meeting his (even then incredibly fat & rotund) wife at aforementioned mutual friend’s party long ago, & quickly noted her introductory patter was to brazenly insult me. I immediately disliked her & quickly disengaged myself from any further interactions with her. Now don’t get me wrong. While for me personally fatness is a key disqualifier for any woman, a personality (as in all cases) can compensate for a significant amount. I personally am not a fan of nailing women descended from cattle, but I know there are some brothers out there feeling that. Said rotund girl however, had a personality that decreased further her attractiveness; an impressive feat given the already near minimum levels.
To cut a long story short, she ensnared old money guy, presumably by taking advantage of his low self confidence & doing some perverted shit to sway him. As he’s good hearted & maintains strong principles, he’ll stand by her. They’ve even had a child; & by way of the prison he’s created for himself, he’ll be going nowhere any time soon. What’s worse, is she doesn’t even do the basics. She barely looks after the kid, lounging around the house all day & not even making any effort to maintain herself. A truly foul creation, clearly ruined by dousing herself in the criticisms of others & resigning herself to the station they assigned to her, without fighting to improve herself. I have no sympathy for man or woman of this nature. Because of her own insecurity, she has practically restricted him to not seeing anyone. He wasn’t even allowed to celebrate his fortieth birthday party aforementioned mutual friend had arranged, because she vetoed it. This monstrosity is keeping him from interacting with the world, because she’s afraid of losing him. A lifetime of dutiful imprisonment, to keep the affections of one of the least attractive women I’ve ever seen? One that is inevitably going to use the child as a weapon should he ever wake up? You can almost hear the resignation in his voice these days.
Assuming they genuinely care, it’s the tendency of women to push harder to make something work, when they feel as though they are losing something. They double up on pushing harder, wanting to become more emotional with their partner, pressing further for him to ‘open up or similar. The simple difference is, a man simply needs time to fuck off & sort his own head out. Perhaps he just wants to walk alone for a while. Allow him the time to do this, & he’ll come back twice as hard, wanting to be with you again. Keeping piling on the pressure & just like a pressure cooker, he’ll explode. Or in the very least, he’ll completely withdraw. Women often complain because their man becomes quiet or keeps striving for time alone or away; immersing himself in video games or going out alone more.
In severe cases, he’ll turn to drugs, other women (including paid for variants) & the worst, as well as the one my own father was a particular fan of, drink. He turned to drink, because either he had underlying issues about if he was ‘worth’ happiness (common among men, who typically have lower self esteem than they should) or that he didn’t embrace his manly, wild side, which just wanted to go around maximizing all the women around him. Instead, he did what society ‘suggested’ to him & attempted to be the family man when he wasn’t ready. Echoes my own life somewhat, as I struggle with making decisions in case I make the wrong one. But as I said before, don’t make a decision & your inaction will itself become the decision, as the tide of life carries you away regardless. Freedom as a man is something you should truly cherish.
It doesn’t matter if you’re the hardest player in the game; at some point some girl is going to break into your heart. That’ll be the hardest challenge you’ll face, without question.
Once when I was younger, I worked in security with a chap I shall refer to as the Persian Prince. He was a good looking guy from the Persian region, who had a scary side to him but with whom I became a good friend; often the case with those who appeared terrifying to most because I spoke to them like normal people, without prior judgment – an invaluable lesson from my wonderful late grandmother. He had a beautiful girlfriend, who he cheated on relentlessly. He literally did anything he wanted.
Although in hindsight he had exactly the right idea, being Jaded at the time I questioned this ultimately.
He replied simply with the advice he father had given him growing up; ‘Sleep with as many women as you can until you are thirty three, & only then start to consider getting married’. The Persian Prince had followed this to a tee.
Appreciate your freedom, your youth, the people who care about you long after these temporary affections have moved on.