I’d been away for five days, visiting my family back home. It takes me a little time to get there & back, so I had to go for at least these five days, or it wasn’t really worth it. Plus her & I needed a little space. Things hadn’t been too good between us for a while. We’d now been together for over six years. Things had been great in the beginning. While I couldn’t say it had ever been explosive, we both felt good around each other whenever we’d spent time after first meeting in one of her classes & things developed from that. I’d plucked up the courage to ask her for a date, to which she said yes. We’d gone for a drink & she seemed like a really genuine girl. I was happy to meet someone with strong principles who could appreciate someone who was also a good guy.
Things continued well & but we hadn’t agreed to be exclusive. We’d spent time but hadn’t slept together. Actually she had been seeing another guy; I wasn’t sure what ‘seeing’ meant exactly but I didn’t want to risk ruining things, so I didn’t push the matter. I patiently waited for her to resolve things with the other guy & once things had stabilised after a few weeks, we became a serious couple. A little while later, we moved in together.
Things have been great until the last year or so. We didn’t make love for some time but I just assumed this is normally what happens after a few years in a relationship. Things cool off but the relationship will carry you through. I felt secure & have spent most of my evenings staying in, watching TV. She seems happy to look after the housework & so on. Things seemed good.
Recently though, she said she wanted to break up with me. I didn’t really know if she was serious or not. I didn’t know what to do. How will I find someone like her again? Things have been comfortable here for so long. Perhaps she’ll change her mind? She’s been spending a few late nights out recently. She went out & didn’t get back until five in the morning the other night. She said she’d been dancing salsa. I believe her, she’s a trustworthy person & it’s true she does like dancing.
I came back from my parents to an empty house. She said she’d move out but her stuff is still here. I don’t know where she is. I called her a couple of times this evening but with no response. I guessed she’s out dancing again. But come six in the morning, I called her again twice, again with no response. I kept trying but couldn’t get through.
It was now I started to worry. Was she OK? I hope nothing happened. Maybe she got drunk & something happened. I love her, & I know she loves me too. It’s just a difficult patch we’re going through, & I know we can make it work. She’s everything to me.
And so on…
If I was the Austrian’s boyfriend / ex-boyfriend / ‘whatever the fuck he is, I don’t care’, & I wrote this blog, I imagine that would be today’s post. Hell, I even used to think like that, way back when I was Jaded. Almost unthinkable now, that I would refer to a woman as ‘everything to me’ & doing everything in my power to ‘make it work’, with a person who clearly is only being practical in her selfish desires.
What was actually happening Friday night? Well, the pre-planned night involved her coming to my place because it was easier for her to get to the airport. That in itself was bullshit, but as with most women you can’t make a direct proposal inviting them to your place – only insinuate or allude to it. Which of course I’d already done previously to us setting a date. I was away, she was going away to Cuba & we both knew it. I also knew what even an admittedly average white European girl in Cuba was going to be proposed more than once in the two months she’d be there, so I wanted to move quick.
The bottom line is; she wanted to fuck me. From grinding up against me in the spa on our first date, she apparently hadn’t been touched by her boyfriend or any man for two years. That was then, & I’m fairly certain she’d been with someone since then.
But as usual, I don’t care. Women don’t affect me anymore, unless I let them in. And very, very few get there because when they do, they can fucking destroy me. I’ve seen a lot in the last two years & chatting with these various women in that time, be it in person or online. And I hear all kind of bullshit, as the majority of them delude themselves & create stories or beliefs to justify their behaviours. Put simply, I see straight through it, almost every time, It may take a little longer in some cases than others, but before long (usually no more than two or three conversations of reasonable length), I have them mainly figured out.
I hear it, & then simply play along. Let them believe I’m stupid enough to think what their saying is the truth. I keep my distance for the most part, just giving enough to keep them interested. And whatever bullshit they come out with, I just go along with it until, I get what I want. Sex.
And then the entire dynamic changes, because they no longer have that same bargaining chip.
She came over, we watched a film (hence not requiring any effort on my part). I broke down the initial physical barriers on the sofa as I held her & stroked her. Then she came to my bed, where I simply undressed her & fucked her. She loved every second. Honestly it wasn’t that great, as she simply isn’t as hot as the typical women I sleep with. But I was horny & she wanted it, so my work there is done.
The Austrian is going to Cuba, to learn salsa & Spanish. Ten years ago, I might have been stupid enough to think that was an entirely innocent trip. And that’s the key; there’s nothing I could say reasonably to suggest anything otherwise. To suggest at least some of the reason she’s going there is for the mountain of cock she’ll have proposed to her. She is going for the salsa & Spanish, but she’s perfectly aware of the chance to get laid with at least a couple of guys.
In the vast majority of the cases, when you about a girl going on a trip like this (particularly a Western girl), don’t believe for a second she hasn’t considered what sexual experiences she might garner along the way. Every time a girl goes out ‘with her girls’, don’t believe for a second she hasn’t considered she hasn’t subconsciously considered the possibility of meeting another guy.
Ask yourself; if you were to write about your day, who do you want to be? The boyfriend of Austrian? Or the guy fucking the girl who couldn’t care less about him??
You make your life & yourself, how you want it to be.