Happiness Vs Dissatisfaction (Pt. 1)

Allison Stokke, absolute stunner in my opinion. But who also recently complained about all of the 'negative' attention she got for being considered attractive, instead of for her pole vaulting skills. Despite releasing images like this.

Allison Stokke, absolute stunner in my opinion. But who also recently complained about all of the ‘negative’ attention she got for being considered attractive, instead of for her pole vaulting skills. Despite releasing images like this.

As mentioned in the previous post, I’ve recently employed machine gun game in it’s purest form. In fact, I’d say it’s more like ‘nuclear bomb’ game – I’ve literally used every type of online means to meet women, so as to maximize my pussy inflow. The overall percentage of conversion from chatting into getting numbers or agreeing to meet, has been incredibly good. The time span has been different, but overall that phase has been well enough. Utilise the same small talk subjects & if they’re interested, they’ll reply eventually. Being holiday season, it has been rather difficult at times to pin people down to committing to a day. Recent experiences have only confirmed to me that when it comes to women, it’s imperative to ‘strike when the iron is hot’ & take advantage of the infatuation period. Although there is clearly more men in my current locale than women thanks to the finance industry being located here, most of the men are pathetic specimens, content with being entirely one dimensional  & believing their status or (actually not in fact impressive) income enough to be attractive to women. One of the best things I’ve done with my life to date is continue to stay in shape despite fighting off & working around niggling injuries, with many girls I’ve been with coming back for repeat performances based on how they enjoy watching my abs as I thrust in & out of them. Dolph Lundgren is an excellent example of a man who has maintained his physique long into this older years while working around injuries & (presumably, no longer) using steroids. But please hurry up with the stem cell research I say.

Because of the usual online ‘demand’ women experience & this additional beta attention, I can see there is the usual heightened self worth here among the women. It’s quite off putting, as is women seeming to think they can somehow ‘trick’ you into a relationship. I do feel a bit sorry for them alongside men, as there seems to be a lot of disillusioned people out there trying to find a connection similar to one they once had with someone else once upon a time, but which didn’t work out. I don’t now believe it’s possible to recreate something you have had before. Breakups are one of the hardest things to get over & I’m convinced they have a level of trauma similar to anything else that can be thought of. I don’t believe it’s ever possible to recreate something you’ve felt before.

But don’t lose hope mighty warriors. I do strongly believe it’s possible to evolve into something possibly even greater & rewarding, after one has got through the process of recovering from said trauma. This might sound rich coming from a guy who basically hasn’t been faithful in about thirteen years, but it’s quite important to spend some time healing oneself. Believe it or not, for reasons I honestly can’t fathom, I still have the occasional night where I’ll lie there & history with the Mexican will pop into my head & replay. And honestly, it’s not nostalgia or longing; it’s just regret of how I handled that. Although I know it would be utterly pointless because it would be ignored, I was seriously considering writing an apologetic email the other night. I think I am like most men in this regard, in that we have a incredible capacity to beat ourselves up & not forgive ourselves for the mistakes of the past, irrespective of the actual facts surrounding the situation.

‘What’s my life honestly like now’, I asked myself last night as I drifted off relatively peacefully to sleep. I considered what had changed since last year or the three years preceding this one. Some of that is documented on these very pages, with this blog having been maintained for over two years now. I asked this question of myself because the last week or two I haven’t felt so great mentally. But it hasn’t been depression. I do get perhaps on average a day a month, where I could say I’ve fell into a black mood & feel those typically depressive thoughts. But this has been an overriding feeling of dissatisfaction; perhaps the result of a long term subconscious feeling of diminishing returns.

Before I started this blog, my awakening had begun in 2012 when my previous relationship had been falling apart & I’d moved to central Europe. Although fairly well travelled, it was the first time I’d lived abroad & although I’d started to explore the possibilities of an alternative lifestyle outside the typical societal framework. As my relationship fell apart, I had started to meet other girls & sleep with other girls. I realised it was quite easy, & I enjoyed it a lot. I got a particular kick out of sleeping with my girlfriend & another girl on the same day. I think the power of flipping the typical scenario of the woman having the all the sexual power was what appealed to me, as well as not having actually have slept with that many women at that point. Once I’d moved abroad, the quality & options of available women went through the roof; women even came up to me in the gym. I was at a point where I was turning it down & women were arriving on my doorstep. Meeting the Mexican & being in a different country was the final nail in the coffin of my aforementioned relationship. She was quite hot & in the beginning, was quite confused about what she wanted. After we initially hooked up & she invited me to see her in the country in which she lived, I tried being nice to her but it seemed like she just wanted to get fucked. So after being quite confused, I just thought ‘fuck it’ & did so, so to speak. I should have seen that as a warning sign then, but was still quite green in this regard. I didn’t take it seriously for a long time, nailing girl after girl. It was unbelievably easy at times & great fun. I didn’t even have to chase. It was distilled convenience. Girls were offering themselves up for me.

What was the difference then?? Now, it seems like I have to go through a protracted process just to get girls to meet up & then, to come back to my place. I’ve still got those regular options, but adding to that seems such hard work. Was it always that much work, but I had less to do, or is it a result of my mentality changing?

Yes, there were the wide ranging damages that went with the breakup with the Mexican both times, but I honestly believe I have moved away from that. Could it be my lifestyle? I was exercising like crazy then & worked my way up to some of the best shape of my life. But injuries meant I had to be little more conservative since then. That said, I still train often & smarter; I’m not far off that level now at all.

I’ve even questioned diet. Am I eating too much dairy? Protein? Not enough vegetables?

Am I just happy, since discovering a truly good person who I believe is at the same level as myself? I can’t fault Venezuelan; she’s practically perfect for me. Was that furious sexual energy derived from wanting to exercise my power over a person who I fully expected to (or already had) betrayed me in some way? The anger, tunnelled into an all encompassing sexual feast?

Could it be my now systemic approach? Knowing I now have a person with whom I think I could be satisfied to be with exclusively & being aware there might be a time limit to that person’s patience, I’m now trying to sleep with as many people as possible from different countries, to fulfill my goal of sleeping with as many people as possible from different countries?

Even as I write this, I consider that some of the women I’ve pursued in trying to achieve that last point, have in fact not been women I’ve particularly been attracted to. While I don’t mind too much about imperfect bodies, there have been occasions where I simply haven’t felt that chemistry & as a result, have just sat there going through the usual routines but not feeling that spark. It happened to me with SPC who is just beyond hot in my opinion. I literally couldn’t keep my eyes off here every time I saw her. And also with the MarriedBelorussian. When we met for the first time, I couldn’t believe my luck. From this particular venue of meeting women, typically you’d get older women, perhaps fifty percent of which were hot. Here I had a straight burning hot women & the chemistry between us was clear from the beginning.

When I met a woman from Uruguay recently, she was overweight, seemingly conservative & simply, I didn’t feel that spark. I gave it a chance, as a personality can change everything. But honestly, I couldn’t see us having that sexual chemistry where you’re fucking someone & looking at each other, savouring every moment. I simply couldn’t imagine it. And even with attrition, I’m only going to have a finite amount of time before I don’t have any time in my schedule. In this country where everyone seemingly plans everything weeks in advance, I’m going to end up with my dick in my hand on several evenings potentially. Compare this to SPC, who quite frankly I mentally noted I would doubt I’d ever get tired of banging as we watched me fuck her up against the wall in the nearby mirror. That’s an image I don’t think I’ll forget as long as I live. I simply don’t see that happening with the overweight Uruguayan woman. It could, but not with that personality.

To be continued…

~ Unjaded

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