After the hiatus of last year, we again honour or disgrace those from 2016 in a shower of confetti or guano respectively, & relive the joys or traumas once again.
And what a year it’s been. A declaration of systemic efficiency, brazen proposals, ill-judged travels, total breaks, fearful errors & frenzied weeks of sexual extremes, we found ourselves among emotional highs & lows of all descriptions.
I’ve refined the categories since 2014, to show fully both sides of such a lifestyle. Venezuelan is entirely exempt from the below.
Least Promiscuous: A quite difficult one to award, because of me giving much less of a shit of who someone is sleeping with this time around. I’d have to give it to FilipinoHostess, because she apparently hadn’t had sex with anyone for three years before me. Yes I’m sceptical too, but we can only know what we know.
Most Promiscuous: I’d have to say on knowledge, the twenty one year old Brazilian from the beginning of the year, who fucked some dude the week before me & was quite open about her intentions to do so. Honourable mention to Hungarian who seemed to be dating everyone between our liaison.
Least Horny: This award is more about who seemed to be having sex for other reasons than just enjoying being fucked. Or for whom the idea, seemed to be more of a turn on than the sex itself. So with that in mind, it’d have to be Singaporean who I still see now, mainly because I just like fucking her.
Most Horny: Probably Ecuadorian, who isn’t that hot but seemed to be on a mission to screw as many guys as possible last year. I believe five in a week was her crowning achievement. Now in a ‘committed relationship’ with some unsuspecting fool.
Hardest Female: For the girl who was the hardest work to get naked but with whom I did. This would have been the Armenian girl I had been seeing, but I just couldn’t be bothered anymore in the end. As it happens, I don’t think there was anyone with who it was particularly difficult, as generally speaking after three dates I didn’t waste any more time. So, this one goes to no one!
Easiest Female: The woman I met at the gym from Mozambique. I just did my workout, chatted with her, got her number & she came to my house. Simple.
Worst Relationship Potential: Ecuadorian, easily. I didn’t see anything in her except an easy lay from the very beginning. First date lay too, confirming what I described above.
Best Relationship Potential: Perhaps the SwissArgentinian girl I slept with, who was into the same music as me & with whom I had very good chemistry with. In the end, we stopped speaking entirely but if I try to put my head into that of someone who hadn’t already made a decision to someone who is excluded here, this one would probably be the most suitable option.
Worst Personality: MarriedBelorussian because she was a fucking pain in the ass. Even though we were only fucking, she’d always insist on ‘going for a walk’ or ‘let’s go for a drink’ before coming over for sex. Perhaps she was trying to maintain some sort of illusion but on one hand you had this & the other, not kissing me at all during sex. It was still very good admittedly, but at least do me the favour of keeping it simple.
Best Personality: I’d have to say the Ukrainian Ex Model, for being basically the opposite of the last entry, as well as a nice & interesting person. We both understand the arrangement & it works perfectly for both of us.
Worst Body: No one was bad in truth, as my standard raised considerably this year. I’d have to say the BlondeAustrian woman I picked up (in every sense of the word) from the airport & then took back to my place for ‘breakfast’. Although I made the most of it, a typical, overweight, middle aged woman’s body awaited me & coupled with bad sex, was not revisited.
Best Body: Strong competition here MarriedBelorussian & Hungarian here but Hungarian takes it for pretty much having a flawless body, despite having a fairly irritating character.
Worst Decision By Unjaded: Going to see BM-13 again, because of theme following fallout & potential damage I narrowly managed to mitigate.
Best Decison By Unjaded: Wiping the slate clean mid year & getting a lot of time wasting people out of the picture for good. The only shocking part was how quickly the roster refilled itself.
Worst Other Sexual Experience: BlondeSwiss again takes this catagory, as what I can loosely describe as a terrible half handjob & some sort of full body dry humping continually interrupted my mounting attempts.
Best Other Sexual Experience: Being jacked off by Ecuadorian over her breasts, while she simultaneously finished herself off & told me how much better I was compared to the guy she’d screwed earlier that day. Ahem…
Worst Blowjob: SPC’s first attempt, which in fairness she was trying her best but I had to polite instruct her that her teeth needed to be reined in somewhat… Thankfully things improved after that.
Best Blowjob: The older Kazakh woman I was spending a little time with, who absolutely did her level best to blow my mind, & then was practically apologetic about it, which only served to make the experience even better.
Worst Sex: Undoubtedly Austrian. She didnt seem to enjoy anything I did, didn’t barely open her eyes once & barely did anything during the whole experience. Worst of all, she stayed the night after. That may have been the night I readjusted what I would & would not tolerate in order to get a lay.
Best Sex: JapYog was the winner of this two years ago & amazingly, she passed through where I currently reside once again this year. A little persuasion & the inevitable happened, so I could give the award to her once again.
But that’d be rubbish of me, so all in all, I’d have to give this award to the pain in the ass that was MarriedBelorussian. In a victory of principle over unchecked desire, I cut her off the same evening she was due to come over for a fucking, after she asked if I could ‘take a walk’ with her. I was tired & intolerant, & just told her I couldn’t make it anymore. And that was that.
In hindsight, I probably could have managed a brief thirty minutes walk with her, but it was the cherry on the cake. Even seducing her in the privacy of my home was always a chore. But when finally we got down to business, it was superb. Fucking that incredible body & watching her almost continuously on the verge of yet another orgasm, ending with her finishing me over her breasts was frankly superb. All that said, I don’t regret ending it with her at all.
I think 2017 is going to be a great year for some reason. I am filled with optimism & open to new experiences. Let’s see what happens.