What a couple of weeks it’s really been. From having to deal with incompetent career strategists at work, through various women induced irritations & the non-female absorption of the remaining little time I have left from my various activities, I now find myself with three hours spare to be able to commit myself to writing.
But don’t get me wrong. In terms of my time being fully utilised, it is only the limitations of the body which I must consider. A measured supply of coffee supplemented by a re-found appreciation of green tea, goes alongside a new diet of heavily reduced dairy (protein shakes & eggs only. God I love eggs) & intensive weight based training. It has been incredibly cold where I am living & while I am not adverse to training in the cold & even believe it has some benefits, I wasn’t really happy with losing some muscularity that can come hand in hand with being fitter. And frankly speaking, I have missed that feeling of resistance against my body. There’s something about pushing yourself physically in that way & for me, also through martial arts that brings out a relentless will in myself.
I’ve found the reduction in dairy to be quite beneficial. I don’t switch to vegan based protein as it’s typically based around soy, known to reduce testosterone levels; something that also happens in men when they do too much cardio training & not enough muscle development training. When I say muscle development training, I don’t mean getting bigger either necessarily. I’m also talking about increasing strength through muscle density. Right now, I could say I’m at least as strong as I’ve ever been & it’s a beautiful compulsion.
Working under someone younger than myself is no problem at all. Working under someone who is less experienced than me is also no problem; in the same way people once attempted to train me, I am happy to train others in the same way. Attempting to do this in any work environment will quickly tell you about the substance of a person. Stupidity is in my opinion, somewhat of a choice. While you do have those whose ability to learn is impaired due to mental or physical trauma (something that former of which has often been an issue for me since my teenage years to some degree), I would say in many others it is a choice. The true mark of someone is the measure of their perseverance & enthusiasm. I don’t expect someone to come bounding into the office every day. I certainly don’t. But what I do, is deliver my work. You tell me the objective & I’ll make sure we get there, or do my best in trying. I firmly believe most things are achievable with such an attitude, providing you are prepared to adapt your approach as you realise X or Y is more effective, as you proceed.
But if I take the time to explain something to someone who firstly, barely retains information & then when he does, tries to pass it off as his own achievements & furthermore, tries to use some sort of neuro linguistic programming techniques on me, we’re gonna have problems. First & foremost, fucking listen when I’m trying to teach you something & acknowledge my fucking work as mine. And understand, I’m going to tell you if my opinion on how to proceed differs from yours. Planning meetings first thing in the morning with another senior manager there to ‘supervise’ isn’t going to work because firstly I’m always there early anyway, secondly because he already knows deep down you don’t have a fucking clue what you’re doing but has to support his senior’s decisions & thirdly, I don’t give a fuck. The building of oneself & knowing your own capabilities means I know I can get another contract within a week & you will be fucked.
Anyway, no doubt reading this, you may be able to relate to these principles without knowing the specifics of my situation. It’s just so tragic that on any level, mankind is so susceptible to agenda, & progress that should be simple & mutually beneficial is stalled or stops entirely because of it. I’m like to think natural selection once took care of this, where idiotic people where culled through starving to death or at least getting eaten by a hungry animal. Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine (which never ceases to amaze me, I must say), we’re surrounded by these idiots & they continue to reproduce. I don’t believe we are predisposed to the genetics of our parents but if you’re raised by a couple of idiots, you’re either going to also be an idiot or hopefully, rebel. And it seems to be these types of people who are banging out children left, right & center. The most enlightened people among our world seem to often adopt a form of isolation; either by detaching themselves from modern day to day processes, or entirely by creating their own hyper reality. During my time in the last two weeks or so as I’ve completed all of the work the aforementioned ‘manager’ failed to do in four months, I decided to leverage the time spent doing this labourious work to listen to a number of podcasts from various sources. Most of these were based around interesting people, who I’d obviously chosen on the basis on getting to know more about their inner workings. The common thread was clear: highly motivated people, aware of their own mortality & embracing to some degree the concept of isolation. This went from typical examples, whereby some would have a fairly regimented routine of doing one of a number of solo activities on a regular basis (normally physical), through the spectrum to fully functioning & well respected individuals from their respective fields totally shunning the concepts of what is popularly considered as a normal life. In one example, someone had entirely eschewed women in their entirety but not through hate. It was part of a general philosophy where he’d come to the point of finding most people entirely boring. While he was entirely balanced & had a range of people who he’d consider close friends & they him the same, he didn’t see the purpose of anything without a constructive goal. It was not that there had to be a tangible benefit from speaking to someone but once he’d had the conversations he’d felt were of interest, he’d respect the boundaries of etiquette out of maintaining mutual respect, but secretly would just want to get out of there onto the next thing. For him, there was simply no value in continuing to spend time with people who hadn’t reached a certain level of self development. That level for him (although he would clearly not promote his way as superior or even that he was superior in any way) was at least to the level at which he’d created himself to be. That happened to be not embracing alcohol, drugs, maintaining his physical fitness & being honest with himself about that which he felt brought value to his life. He has dispensed with everything that implied wasting time, including women. The concept of having someone impair his freedom & the universe he’d made for himself in exchange for a relationship or even sex was not worth it with anyone.
Some might consider this rude, but for me I related to it quite considerably. I actually believed this to be a person to whom I would have even more respect for were I ever to meet him in person. And it made me again consider the concept of how much we do to ourselves. The things we tolerate in all the circles of our lives. In the workplace where delusional idiots try to manipulate you for their own gain & you have to play silly little games to ensure you’re not painted as the current ‘bad guy’ of the office. The things we tolerate about how our families treat us. The people with whom we maintain friendships with upon history or duty, despite after we hit a point in our life where we realise they are entirely bad for us. Not just irritations or disagreements, but straight bad for us. The heroin addict who gets clean, who then goes back to his home & before long, his partners in misery otherwise known as ‘friends’ are again knocking on his door & we all know what is likely to happen next.
And of course, women. Men building up everything & then effectively putting it all on lease, for the company of another. I truly wonder why men do such things at times. I believe it can be ego, in the case of caring about other’s perception of you. It could be of course, a simple as sex. Or in most cases, rooted in the belief that prevails so commonly across the modern day man; that you won’t do any better & should ‘lock in’.
I’m debating the value of being with someone back & forth in my head often these days. In some ways I see how it can bring your life more flavour & provide goals. On the other hand, it’s a sacrifice. Even if you have a girl who you find you lose yourself in & others say is the best one for you, you’ll always make some sort of sacrifice. It’s like me being where I am now; this country is one of the shittest I’ve been in, mainly due to the people. But I’m here because of my band. Being in a band is similar to being in a relationship with multiple people; you have to be considerate of their feelings, can’t be overly demanding & have to maintain a certain level of respect. But it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest when bands who’ve been on tour together for a long time break up because they just can’t fucking stand each other anymore.
I’m wondering often, where the value of permanence really comes from, or at least the attempt at the same. Particularly for women, who’ve done nothing much more than fuck me off recently. From the Crazy Uzbek turning up on my doorstep (where I actually put my gloves on ready for a fistfight with someone, because she’d covered the peephole), to Venezuelan getting a bit more typical, the efforts even in bothering to keep my pipeline filled continue to follow the rule of diminishing returns. I’ve immediately cut off girls as soon as they’ve mentioned anything about me ‘putting more effort in before I get any reward’ recently. When a barely above average girl starts trying to carrot & stick me with sex, they’re gone straight away. While I advocate taking risks, one wonders what the bigger payoff is in the long term when you’ve already received most of the benefits.