My self imposed abstinence came to a literal explosive end today, as the Ukrainian ex-model offered herself up to me under her ‘come around, fuck & leave’ arrangement. After two weeks of nothing I must admit I was champing at the bit quite considerably. Although I should have been feeling fine & for the most part was, I did notice my mood was dropping somewhat. Not in a depressed sense but more in a flat kind of way. What had previously been the main way I’d inject excitement into my otherwise still relatively interesting but for me staid existance had been sacrificed into an admittedly probably worthwhile break. While hayfever season & not sleeping enough for various reasons had killed my libido, as the need to take tablets & better ways to sleep fell into place (as well as simply not having any sex), I found myself raging. I met an incredibly attractive Czech divorcee yesterday & was a little worried I’d find myself jumping on her on our first meeting, I even had to relieve myself before meeting her – very out of character for me.
Looking ahead we have had a few new challengers come to the fore, which in a change of approach I won’t reel off here until something of note actually happens. As mentioned in my previous post, I am taking a more tactical approach & hoping mostly for dissatisfied wives & hopeful needy girls. I like nice girls & am never nasty to any girl – I’ll just stop communicating with her if required. But it’s clear my future doesn’t lie here & as mentioned before, they’re all too quick to change their minds. Even the Ukrainian chick I mentioned earlier who is very cool, wouldn’t surprise me if she suddenly ‘starts seeing someone’ & so ‘can we just be friends’. I simply embrace it & move onto the next.
I’m very surprised when I look around where I reside & have been for over the last two years. I am staying here because frankly it’s easy money & I have my musical career at a crucial step. But insofar as dating, it truly is one of the most inexplicable places I’ve ever been. There are literally no indicators of interest whatsoever from women generally speaking. Whereas previously I wouldn’t think twice about approaching a girl, here it’s a complete waste of time ninty percent of the time. And when I say ‘waste of time’, I don’t just mean getting refused as I couldn’t give a flying fuck about that. It’s completely unrewarding & inconsistant. Even before approaching most women, you rarely get that spark where the eyes lock & that tension is waiting for one of you to break open the tension. I love that. Here however, you may just think ‘she’d be fun to fuck’ because admittedly a reasonable amount of the girls here have excellent figures, so you step in. But within seconds of speaking, you realise you’ve got literally nothing to work with. Either I drastically deteriorated over the last couple of years or they’ve got some sort of personality defect. It’s surreal – on one hand I look at the girls I’ve been banging over the last year & without meaning to sound arrogant, most of them are hot & most men would agree. They’re not disputable, although admittedly not super hot either. But then, only jacked up, tattooed wankers or indignified rich men who turn a blind eye to her looking lustfully at every aforementioned wanker tend to end up with the super hots. As is often said, there is no such thing as a ‘ten’. I could get women like that if I really put my mind to it these days (in even recent younger years my game was raw & I reverted into a desperate beta at key moments) but nowadays, I’m not going to put serious time & effort into any woman. There’s so many other things I’d rather be doing & the long game is only reserved for those very few women I meet who I really want to sleep with. Nowadays it’s pretty brutal & direct. I’ve never been one to send dick pictures but I’ll bust out the abs from time to time, just to plant the seed in their mind. Then it’s a drink or preferably getting some food together to get the first meeting out the way, & then I’m finding a way to invite them to my place, which everyone knows is a indirect ‘would you like me to fuck you’ invite. I prefer eating out of those two incidentally… But in any case, the lack of sexuality here is incredible. There are a few Latina’s hanging about who seem to still like sex, but overall it’s dire. And while it doesn’t impinge upon my own self esteem, some of the guys you see with certain girls is unreal. I mean, totally different leagues. And no, it’s clearly not because of superior game, because one look at them will tell you immediately they’re just beta boys who’ve sold themselves to fashion & trends, at the cost of being a person with something fucking interesting about them.
My day job is killing me. Once upon a time I thought to earn the sums of money I saw & am earning now would be neigh on impossible, but here I’ve been for a number of years now, often wondering how scandelous it is that I get paid what I do, for what I’m actually doing. And I’m actually producing deliverables. There’s people who literally just attend meetings all day & barely say a word, before cashing in a few hundred for the day. The way the world is going however, I feel I may have to endure it for a few more years. Perhaps it is a sign of ageing but I don’t think I’ve ever seen the world in such a mess as it is now. The UK is seemingly falling to pieces. Venezuela is being destroyed by a tyrant. ISIS runs rampant in the Middle East, who in their spare time are continually fighting amongst themselves, & the US sells them weapons while their own people starve. The gap between the rich & poor grows greater every day, & the basic fundamentals of human interaction have been lost to the cancer that is social media. It’s quite frankly shit, & a lot of the reason I concentrate on securing my own future as soon as possible. I operate quietly, in the shadows, not boasting of my wealth or conquests to practically anyone, which is a far cry from the previous days where I would advertise my sexual conquests & financial earnings to any & all that would listen, almost in defiance to all the cunts throughout my history who wrought ill upon me. Now, I leave them to their own fates unconcerned, which is in almost every case worse than anything I could do to them. Man & women desolate themselves in the name of peer acceptance.
I have many people who’d like to align themselves with me, as they see how I’ve done my best to maximise what cards I was dealt from my genetics. Girls want to get serious with me. Men want to train with me, or hang out with me. They want me to teach them how to fight. But why would I ever help anyone who asks me to help them for nothing, when they clearly have means to do it themselves? If it were someone without means, I would feel compelled anyway to help them. I’m always happy to help kids learn things when they ask for example. But when it comes to adults, there’s no fucking excuse. Most people complain about their lives without making any effort to either change or explore the possiblities out there.