The Battle Of Authenticity

So commonplace now, it’s utterly dull.

It’s often said that your environment can shape you both temporarily & permanently. I believe there is an American saying something along the lines of not living in San Francisco too long or it’ll make you soft, but also not to live in New York for too long, at risk of becoming too hard.

Where I am now is so slow & shit-eatingly politically correct, that it’s making me lazy (by my own standards – I’m seen an incredibly motivated genius here, unemotional to the point of being perceived presumably by others as a narcissist & utterly dull. People here live to societal standards by way of peer evaluation. Status is everything & so that on the surface takes precedence.

And my God, does that make it one of the most boring places I’ve ever been.

Perhaps it’s coming from within myself, as frankly I’ve done so much in my life that by now, very little impresses or motivates me to go out of my way to do anything extravagant. Notably though, I have noted I am reaching the point of total disinterest in women. The only one’s who tend to spark any type of interest in me are Latina or Eastern European women that are either about the same age as me or older, or the extremely rare cases where one would find that bizarre, immense chemical attraction to someone. As I’ve stated before, younger women are either or both of boring or have the attention span of a fly; something I’ve no doubt is a consequence of the newer millennial generation – a term I happily use with condemning abandon. Having been alive for a reasonable amount of time now & in that time, doing more than the average person may have done, I can state unreservedly people became much worse in their general quality. While their general levels of inform have become better, the mass of always available information has made it easier for idiots to be both bred & then further feed whatever belief they have of X, Y or Z. People have always looked for peer support & latched onto anything they can find in order to justify their own beliefs, & with endlessly generated information (regardless of accuracy or source) that is easier than ever.

The end result is a majority of zombified idiots, afraid of upsetting anyone because they’re spending too much time on the internet & think extremists are as prevalent in real life as they seem to be online. If that actually was the case, we’d live in a state of almost total anarchy but of course, we don’t. Unless there is a an active war, even in the most deprived of regions the majority strive to create communities, because in reality most people want the same things; housing, food, stability, reasonable opportunity (such as the means to work fairly) income & the occasional treat such as a holiday. Everything else comes from the ego by way of media & environmental conditioning. Most people have no interest in standing out & most successes or failures can be traced back to either a psychological or environmental event, or a combination of both.

Everything also comes with an cost, sometimes spoke about in economic circles as a opportunity cost. I reside in one of the richest countries in the world, courtesy of it’s self-creation as a tax haven. Yet the cost of living is such that I am poorer here than where I was in my last position. The focus on money verges on the insane; everything is distilled into a commodity. While this has rapidly become a global phenomenon, here it’s unforgivable to have any circumstance where one might have made a reasonable mistake & allow them some leeway. Rules are rules & any divergence from this is punishable.

‘Schizoid personality Disorder’ is a condition which takes numerous forms, one of which is the adaptation of your professional persona & approach into your personal life. The exterior that many of us must maintain in the workplace, particularly the corporate world, is akin to a child barely disguising himself as an adult. People compartmentalise their lives, sometimes as a coping mechanism & resort to well beaten cliches to dig themselves out of a panicking situation, such as being asked an unreasonable question to which it is implied (usually by a superior) they should know the answer to. But every mind has it’s limit, to knowledge as well as tolerance. Controlling your emotions is not suppressing them; it is rather knowing when to release them & to what degree. One can only imagine how many people fantasise about doing something drastic at work such as quitting on the spot or directly telling an irritating superior their true thoughts, but they never do.

With most people’s spare time intentionally filled by nothing more than a variety of distractions & the majority of it being filled with nothing more than the employment they must undertake in order to survive in a capitalist society, their career becomes their main focus. Indeed, one of the very first questions people ask each other upon engaging in small talk is of course ‘what do you do for a living?’. The truth is within the very question; ‘what do you do to ‘live”.

As such, this focus becomes our environment for the majority of our time & changes our personality. Our brains adapt, sometimes against their real will; something we simply cannot deny. While there are some who are content with such an existence (safe, mundane predictability), those who must play a part to receive the economic rewards will pay a price. They will become slowly changed by their environment much in the same way radiation might affect those in a fantasy film. As time passes & youth slowly leaves them, the effects are ever more apparent. The spirit will insist upon it’s own path & the conflict between your actions & your true desires will begin to manifest itself somehow, & the first candidate will always be your personal life.

~ Unjaded

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