Conversations With Zan #5

‘Do you carve those angles into your beard intentionally?’

Unjaded: The typical narcissistic modern female’s whole existence is based upon preemptive, unbelieving falsities.

Zan: It’s taken me of the most of the night to comprehend the magnitude of this statement. I’ve treated this as a numbers game for so long that I’m bored of that equation. For now I’m trying to find out about myself, by pushing my limits along the way.

Unjaded: Like banging members of the same family?

Zan had been sleeping with a girl & somehow started chatting with her mother too, which resulted in the mother coming over to his house the day after he’d banged the daughter, for a taste of the goods.

Zan: Even that feels normal. Help me now.

Unjaded: Limit pushing! Yes, I know what you’re saying. Still have a little bit of that in me. Just work it through & enjoy the process. You’ll start finding other things far more interesting soon.

Zan: Like?

Unjaded: Well, like the day I decided I wanted to bang four different women in a day. Stuff like that. Banging women with husbands & boyfriends, which always seemed to give me more of a kick than a single girl. I know why; because of the power thing. I liked to demonstrate my power. It’s a bit sick really & comes from when I was a young man seeing women have all the sexual power & feeling helpless. But then, everyone is sick in some ways. People just decide to indulge, suppress or purge it: the latter through total, prolonged submersion.

Zan: Interesting. I always preferred banging loads of women when I was in a relationship as it was more exciting. Probably the same underlying reasons though. Now though, it’s the equivalent of having a wank. Ultra basic.

Unjaded: When I was with my ex who in hindsight treated me like shit in certain ways, I got a massive kick out of banging her after I’d banged a different woman earlier in the day. Because I resented her. But I don’t get that with my main squeeze now, because I actually like her. In fact, I struggle a little bit to reconcile needs against guilt at times. I’m fucking paranoid about getting caught, to the point of CIA levels.

Zan: What will be, will be. That’s the control element.

Unjaded: Yeah sure I know that. I accept the risk profile.

Zan: When I look back, my main three relationships have all been with narcissistic women. All were a cunt in some form, hence why I enjoyed doing shit behind their back. Do you remember me telling you about that girl I finished with earlier this year? The super kinky one that pissed herself for that guy? She messaged me yesterday after a seven month gap.

Unjaded: And does that surprise you? Of course not, because you knew she’d come back as you fucked her well, & she’s presumably a cunt with low self esteem.

Zan: Nothing does anymore. He dumped her and now she’s crawling around for affection. But, the way she spoke to me was like the things that bothered us then are still bothering her now. I took great pleasure in struggling to recall who the other guys were and pointing out her low self worth. Seven months!!! She’s still in the same mindset as then too. So pathetic.

Unjaded: Because unless she has a light bulb moment of great introspection, she is doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes & being the same idiot.

Zan: I agree. It’s funny because at some point we have had that light bulb moment and now it amuses me when people haven’t. I’ve been amusing myself with the one that text me yesterday out of the blue. She’s still giving it large about the boyfriend who gave her the best orgasms ever (and ultimately chose his job over her). She’s so self absorbed, me telling her I’ve not great orgasms for a few years barely registered as the insult it was intended to be.

Unjaded: I just feel sorry for them mate, especially the men. I actually think men have more chance of escaping that mindset than women, providing they embrace the pain instead of hiding from it. Women typically just go deeper & deeper into their delusions, like a vinyl constantly being played, & the needle slowly scraping the grooves deeper & deeper.

Zan: I’ve stopped drinking coffee whilst reading some of the stuff you send!

Unjaded: It’s true though. Even when I’ve tried to help them, they seem to listen but fall back into habit. Being self aware is one of the most important traits one can have I think.

Zan: I’ve met so many women who are good at pretending to be self aware, but when you bring up the inconsistencies in what they tell you the truth becomes clear. I was talking to The Spanish Knife the other day and I think even my mother is narcissistic. My upbringing with her was horrendous at times.

Unjaded: Of course man. They want the validation from fitting into a peer group, but then pick & choose whatever reflects their inner desires, & then find a way to rationalise the breaching of their moral standpoint. It’s called compartmentalisation.

~ Unjaded

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