Over the last week, I’ve had a close call & discovered the power of the mind, particularly when spending too much time alone. Somehow or another, the Hungarian girl I was seeing, who was getting a bit wrapped up in me, tricked her way into my house & set about quizzing me about ‘my girlfriend’, with an average level of accuracy. I didn’t bother trying to hide anything, as I honestly thought I was fucked. Although some key information was missing, I assumed that was that.
After I persuaded her out of my house, I set about scouring through the remainder of my social media, as I tried to piece together how she could have found out. In the end, nothing came to pass & my emotional turbulence was all for nothing. It was again a reminder, particularly after the confidence I displayed in prior weeks, that we are only as secure as our situation. While I would have had to deal with the guilt & had to feel a bit empty in the futility of sharing any achievements without a partner, I would have coped. It was a stark reminder of the need to appreciate what we have. Nevertheless, I cancelled the rest of the week’s ‘appointments’ & adopted a conservative existence for at least a week. I kinda needed the rest anyway, truth be told.
It did intrigue me however, that she’d found out, so while I took stock of the situation, I also thought about who could have mentioned something. After exciting myself over some eventually false theories, I realised it was probably one of my colleagues. Apparently two people had contacted her separately. I assumed it was a girl, as girls like to be a little spiteful in that regard. They get to unload a little man bitterness & also relish in dragging the affected woman down to their own level that they convince themselves of the misery of, despite having everything available on hand & probably some type of beneficiary supporting them.
In the end, I was unable to come to a reasonably certain conclusion however & given that everything seemed fine on the home front, I let it rest. It was certainly a reminder of watching your mouth & depth of interpersonal involvement with colleagues however. I resolved to return to an even stricter level of professionalism forthwith.
Satisfyingly, a colleague who I’ve never really been fond of due to his conviction he’s better than me at the job we do as well as his overall arrogant attitude, got his contract cancelled the day after. I have a suspicion he may have also have somehow been involved in the aforementioned situation. In any case though, my satisfaction was pretty much maxed out anyway, especially as he ‘regretfully’ told me the news.
The downside was, that another four people also got released; two of which were talented people who I enjoyed working with. The corporation in which I currently am working with, is rapidly moving more & more positions offshore, with a clear detriment on quality, as people become ever more detached from where the work will be delivered, the global architectural business view & the intangible get discounted. The chemistry between quality colleagues who work with each other regularly, & know who & how to get to the objective. Much in the same way as a sports team cannot immediately always perform as an assembly of talented players without time to gel, it is much the same with a work team. But this isn’t reflected tangibly, such as upon a balance sheet & is not taken into account when restructuring occurs. It takes vision to see the value of this; something western society loses more & more of with every passing day.
You could even liken it to being a man, who doesn’t value the chemistry one might have with a woman & instead goes for a physically more attractive woman, but who instead is utterly disconnected to sex. Or one whose ego prevents him from casting her aside when she cheats on him, either because he’s got such low self esteem he believes he wouldn’t find another decent woman in the three other billion on our planet or (worst still), that he’s so convinced of himself, that he believes he can ‘save’ her. I do believe if there is any regulating force that operates above & over us, it brings these people to those who need to finally look at themselves & say ‘I need to change’.
We all have a breaking point.