Here we are, freshly purged of all extraordinary affairs. Even the regular who I kept on board, the gym instructor who can’t get enough of riding me, has been having some marriage issues which have forced her to take a step back away from me. Disappointing, as she is incredibly hot. But the rest have gone. Forever cast to the annuls of history, as my interest in sexual encounters diminishes ever further due to the potential drama from people, the quality of character generally deteriorating in a new world of miserable narcissism & finding contentment in another, & tangible projects.
But while the decks have indeed been cleared, there still exists a number of candidates. Tonight alone, I have met a slim, easy going Austrian girl. Yesterday was a nineteen year old Persian girl, & tomorrow Uruguayan placed herself as available for no strings fun. In a couple of days, a seemingly horny Iranian girl is on the cards & at the weekend, who knows.
Why? Through intention or result, I’ve been faithful for the past three weeks. It’s actually been quite good. I’ve had much more time to myself & as a result either been more productive or more relaxed, depending on how I’ve chosen to spend that additional time. It’s been quite nice, also not having to be aware of subconsciously checking everything I’ve said or done. Raw, brutal experience has taught me to cover my tracks well & never get complacent, which in all honesty was one of the main reasons why I made the changes I did at the beginning of the year. It wasn’t all a brutal culling from my end, but I certainly realised & took a window of opportunity when it arose in each case, as emotional ties began to crystalise. Not only did those relationships become less interesting due to the rising emotional baggage, but they also became higher risk, as these people have the potential to emotionally meltdown & become dangerous in one way or another.
Nevertheless, the utter boredom of being located where I am, as well as the presentation of new opportunities has piqued my interest & led me to explore new avenues. Lessons have been learnt from previous experiences & however tempting, I am determined to knock quickly on the head, anything which shows signs of drama, regression into relationship pressure; that is, trying to make a relationship out of something which is not & never will be, & so on.
In these new ‘explorations’ as we can call them, I have quickly realised that if as a man in his mid-thirties has a nineteen year old girl interested in him, it’s probably for a reason – either she has daddy issues, isn’t getting much attention from guys her age because perhaps she’s overweight & so on. After extensive text preparation, I finally met up with aforementioned nineteen year old, even attempting to confirm some things via picture requests. All of which were promising. I wasn’t expecting her to be a prime nineteen year old mega hottie, but at least decent shape. On arrival, it transpired she was indeed curvy. In fairness, she was actually a pretty cool person which compensated for a lot. I was a little disappointed but she had big breasts & was decent enough for a covert friends with benefits situation. So I basically know now, & that will be my next move – invite her over, nothing nasty about it however, & then make my move. If she’s not interested after that, off we go.
The Uruguayan has basically proposed acceptance of a friends with benefits model. This happened before with Tunisian; incredible sex followed by an emotional situation where we stopped seeing each other, her seemingly then having some shit sex with someone else & then coming back to tell me, she was now ready for a friends with benefits situation. Off we went, & it was still pretty damn good. But for whatever reason, I just didn’t fancy seeing her again. Now I think about it though, perhaps I will! But the serious point it, is that if that it becomes the quest to convert or convince me that ‘actually I do want a relationship’, she’ll be getting dropped like a hot stone.
There is also of course, the intrigue of new conquests. As I envision my time in this lifestyle coming to an end in a few years or less, I do want to create ever more experiences in an area of my life which has always been central to me. As much as I complain about the caveats involved in attracting a nineteen year old as man in his mid-thirties, it’s safe to say that is going to be much more difficult when I’m forty five or fifty. Furthermore I don’t even want to be doing that shit at that age, frankly speaking. It’s fucking embarrassing watching men of that age still chasing girls around like dogs, using whatever means they have at their disposal to desperately attract them (typically money).
The road still has many sights, even as it becomes ever more straight.