A Perpetual State Of Emotional Unrest

Valeria Orsini; A hot Colombian girl, born & raised in the USA? Betas beware…

With the exception of my main meals, I’ve eased up on my dietary rules for the time being. Given that the holiday season is nearly upon us, realistically it’s as good a time as ever to relax the self imposed rules on diet & let the body rest a little. I’m still training & do in fact feel better than ever. Lighter on my feet, more explosive & full of energy. I’ve restructured my supplementation & it seems to have worked for the time being. Although possibly quite graphic, I’ve discovered the condition of your faeces & libido are generally good indicators of your overall health. While I’ve only once had an issue getting it up with a girl (strangely, her natural odour just totally put me off for some reason), finishing with girls was as little as within the last two weeks, an issue for me. They’re busting left, right & centre, while I try everything in the book to get off.

Thankfully that has stopped being a problem in the last week, where I’ve been like a loaded shotgun in the hands of a wild monkey, ready to blow over any & all contenders. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it’s been a lot of fun either; really getting back into sex. I’ve sometimes felt a little obligated after seducing a woman to give her a certain time period of faux commitment; a period where if it hasn’t been very good in the beginning that I give it a little chance. But nowadays I simply remain on good terms with them & let nature do it’s work. Any large breaks, such as the two weeks or so over the holiday period where I won’t see anyone, are a great opportunity to clear the decks & start afresh. I think deep down, a lot of these girls know what they’re getting themselves into & don’t question too much. They do their own thing & so do I. But my own thing involves a triumvirate of pillars supporting me in the event of them losing interest. The first being a wide selection of other available women, the second being a strong long term contender & the third being the work that goes into my personal aspirations & goals. Even if the most closely correlated of those two collapse (numerous female options & the strong long term contender), I still have the third. If all three collapse, I have a reserve option of getting the hell out of Dodge & simply reverting to a long held idea of migrating elsewhere & effectively resetting; an approach which has served old friends well.

It all comes down to being a multi-faceted person, general awareness & in the case of women, just playing them at their own game. Shit tests don’t bother me in the slightest. If while we converse over text, you’re stating how you’re looking for a ‘long term partner’ who ‘will accept me for what I am’, I know it’s just to feel out how gullible I am. No one with any level of intelligence is going to outright state that near thr beginning of initial conversations.

Knowing full well I don’t speak the local language, statements like ‘we are in X, we should speak Y’, I know are only again meant as a way of you seeing how much of a mug I am. One might think you’d be disappointed if I said I don’t speak Y, but I’m not going to go & learn an entire language for you. If I rebuke you, you’ll probably respect it deep down. But I’m nice, so I deflect your pointless statement with humour. But I feel my enthusiasm & the attraction drop, because it’s just utterly pointless for both of us.

When you mention to me we could ‘maybe’ meet in a month’s time, do you not think I know that means you’re fucking someone? And remember, I don’t take these things in isolation, because I’m not of the typical, attention deficient generation. I’m building up a whole picture of you, & all in all, your disinterested attitude tells me you’re jaded beyond belief, servicing your sexual needs with someone who you think is good, but ultimately just grinds away on you as though it’s an endurance exercise because one of every ten strokes hit your g-spot. And like most of your peers, if you sleep with me, suddenly a whole new universe opens up & you realise what being with a man who knows the brain is the biggest sexual organ is like.

But because you think I’m an idiot who has nothing to do with my life except chase girls around, you think I’ll play along. In reality, I’ve got a lot going on. If I wasn’t working on what I’m doing now, I’d be working on something else. I simply don’t care for your boring, small minded games, that are predominantly based upon a depreciating asset; your looks, because I’ve got better things & people to do, than you.

No matter how likes, messages, retweets or whatever the fuck else you get online, no matter what they say & however you try to coax them into it or delude yourself into believing it, they only want to fuck you & if you fuck them, it’s very unlikely to be as good as it is with me, or those few that share the path of self discovery & self improvement with me in this world. You sell yourself on a single premise, you receive what you advertise & nothing more. You’re used, discarded & never know the true joys of unfiltered intimacy in the form of love or sex & then become bitter. This bitterness underlies your every interaction & can be seen by the perceptive as soon as we go beyond the surface. It is a self fulfilling prophecy made of your own hand.

The facts are, that the majority of women I meet are, can be pleasant & decent people, aren’t very interesting. It’s almost as though they’ve been brainwashed into attempting to achieve something very difficult; to have someone love them & that this will solve everything in their lives.

But it’s the same story again, as I mentioned in my last post; an entire industry consumer industry is built around women who are in a perpetual state of emotional unrest. For every “it just happened” one night stand, for every “it’s complicated” but you want more fuckbuddy apparent conundrum, for every marriage & every broken heart, there’s a theme, a road to recovery & a fucking economy based around your buy in.

Do prominent feminists or any political ideologists follow the path of famous Youtubers or bands, & produce a range of merchandise for their followers? An entertainer provides a intangible & nowadays perhaps even free resource that brings something intangibly beneficial to people’s lives & so is entitled to provide an option for those same people to support him or her. It’s optional & while they will receive a profitable margin, it’s your choice. I don’t write this blog for money; if I intended to, I have chosen the wrong subject for a start & would have joined the trend of writing inflammatorily titled articles for Return Of Kings under my pseudonym to hive off the hits. But while I have great respect for what my friend Roosh V has done in raising awareness of men’s causes over these last years (truly a momentous & praiseworthy achievement, even if he stopped outright tomorrow), I don’t agree with the way that site went after he stopped personally administrating it. While his personal site is for me now publishing some of his best ever work, not submitting articles with titles such as ‘Why Your Girlfriend Is A Whore’ or ‘Ten Ways To Not Get Accused Of Rape’ worked against me. It’s improved a bit recently but frankly my opinion is articles like that are either sensationalized or considerably embellished for the prospective hits. Entertaining perhaps, but with a question mark over how much of that has been really lived, rather than created. I’d rather be honest, tell my story & let the reader see the evolution (or devolution, should you see it like that) of a real person, week to week, year to year. I do it firstly for myself, which should be the main reason why one does anything.

If any doctrine, manifesto, product, information or person is proposed or promoted to you, look at who, why & what their motivations are. Don’t see only the parts you want to see to satisfy your ego. Accept the full picture & live in the real world. You have the potential to take full advantage if you do.

~ Unjaded

The State Of Play

Jocelyn Chew; attractive, yet useless. Do yourself a favour & don’t follow her or any of these Instagram models. They won’t even notice.

It’s been a long while since I spoke about which women I’m seeing, banging, how & what’s happening. I would probably attribute this to them now being the most boring part of my life. Since I last wrote on this subject without tailing off into a philosophical thread, I have abandoned the nuclear wasteland of dating known as Tinder, not missed it at all & more recently, considered reinstalling it again. I found it a big time sink not just because of it’s design but the nature of the people on there.

In the meantime however, there has always been someone in the picture. SPC has finally got into the swing of being a low hour fuckbuddy now albeit with plenty of affection between us. That affection manifested itself as a request to meet me in the music room over lunch where I rehearse. That ended with her jacking me off in the middle of the room.

The BalletDancer finally disappeared. I had occasionally thought about contacting her again but her grandmother died & I think it hit her pretty hard, so I didn’t want to get her hopes up again. We’re still on good terms but don’t speak anymore.

I was seeing a redheaded Tunisian at the beginning of the year with whom I shared incredible chemistry with. A combination of holidays led to our regular thing falling apart, topped off with professions of love which was where I drew the line. A few months & some bad sex (I deduced) later, I get a call to step in & remind her how it is to be fucked well. Add her to the reserve list, as I haven’t got time to be doing repeat performances with all the girls out there.

You can add the older Ukrainian to that list too. While a highly commendable person of good character, any chemistry we had was fueled by my experience & skill, with not much to stick around for in light of other options. I took her to heights she’d never been before; to me it was a novelty but I had never expected it to last.

The older but mega hot Estonian woman & the younger Kosovan fell into the same trap; initial meetings very good but then both stopped putting any effort in whatsoever. I simply can’t be bothered with women who don’t initiate anything, even the slightest conversation. The Estonian does from time to time but has already started talking about how well we get on, she wouldn’t want sex to ruin that & the usual range of tragically lonely shit. So I leave her to it & only chase up when other options are falling through.

The older married Israeli woman who I banged once & jacked off in her office once started giving all the “let’s be friends” rubbish until I stopped giving a shit. She even sent me a list of people she thought would only be up for a fucking. In the end, only one was worthy of consideration & despite having to negotiate my way through all the usual shit testing & horseshit about how she’s “looking for something serious”, it is was clear from our one hour coffee she wanted to fuck me. Once she finally comes around for the tea I proposed, I’m confident I’ll seal the deal. On news of this perspective fucking, as well as a few dodges of her fishing for compliments, suddenly she was predictably proposing how we could “start seeing each other again”. I’m feeding her enough enthusiasm to keep her interested but always looking for more, as she does have a giant pair of breasts I’d like to play with more, but she’ll probably change her mind by next week.

A Uruguayan I’d been maneuvering around trying to manipulate me into a relationship, has ended up very well, with an array of excellent sex sessions. She pulled the “threaten to not see each other again unless we classify it as something more serious” card on me, a couple of days after I’d remarked how hot her finishing me during our last session was. Presumably feeling emboldened by this, she played her gambit, to which I of course played the reliable ” I’m very busy with a few things right now, so perhaps it’s better we’re just friends instead then” card & following a few predictable barbs, that was that. Cue the next day, where she basically entirely reversed her position & proposed us fucking again. I made her wait a little bit & then off we went again; a good regular option.

A married Swiss gym instructor who hadn’t slept with her husband for a year & declares herself to be a lesbian, often comes around after her shift. She has an excellent body & seems to like me. Her main incentive card is trying to get another woman for me & her to fuck. The idea of that has actually (in line with women generally) a lot less interesting for me. But of course I wouldn’t say no, so I can cross off that experience.

A cute little & relatively innocent Hungarian girl, who to be fair would make a good girlfriend & was angling for a relationship, kinda accepted I wasn’t up for one with her & was about to call it quits, until some dexterous texting pulled a continuation out of the bag. Some “heavy petting” (me jacking her off twice) in front of a roaring fire with a strong soundtrack later, & it’s safe to say she’s already happy to carry on as we are, for more of the same or better.

There’s another bored middle aged German & another Swiss who I’ll test the waters with but it’ll be a low effort endeavor for both. If sex is to be commoditised, we all need to be realistic about our exchange rates of their overall attractiveness against units of my effort.

The cream of the crop, with the exception of Venezuelan with whom things are going well, is with another Hungarian, who has an excellent body, red hair (always a weakness of mine) & beautiful blue eyes. She’s also someone who doesn’t tolerate well the useless, social media based fools who infect our society, which is always a plus point in my book. She’s a little beauty who I’d love to have some fun with, particularly as she’s seemingly not an idiot – a rarity among humanity overall these days.

~ Unjaded

Conversations With Zan #5

‘Do you carve those angles into your beard intentionally?’

Unjaded: The typical narcissistic modern female’s whole existence is based upon preemptive, unbelieving falsities.

Zan: It’s taken me of the most of the night to comprehend the magnitude of this statement. I’ve treated this as a numbers game for so long that I’m bored of that equation. For now I’m trying to find out about myself, by pushing my limits along the way.

Unjaded: Like banging members of the same family?

Zan had been sleeping with a girl & somehow started chatting with her mother too, which resulted in the mother coming over to his house the day after he’d banged the daughter, for a taste of the goods.

Zan: Even that feels normal. Help me now.

Unjaded: Limit pushing! Yes, I know what you’re saying. Still have a little bit of that in me. Just work it through & enjoy the process. You’ll start finding other things far more interesting soon.

Zan: Like?

Unjaded: Well, like the day I decided I wanted to bang four different women in a day. Stuff like that. Banging women with husbands & boyfriends, which always seemed to give me more of a kick than a single girl. I know why; because of the power thing. I liked to demonstrate my power. It’s a bit sick really & comes from when I was a young man seeing women have all the sexual power & feeling helpless. But then, everyone is sick in some ways. People just decide to indulge, suppress or purge it: the latter through total, prolonged submersion.

Zan: Interesting. I always preferred banging loads of women when I was in a relationship as it was more exciting. Probably the same underlying reasons though. Now though, it’s the equivalent of having a wank. Ultra basic.

Unjaded: When I was with my ex who in hindsight treated me like shit in certain ways, I got a massive kick out of banging her after I’d banged a different woman earlier in the day. Because I resented her. But I don’t get that with my main squeeze now, because I actually like her. In fact, I struggle a little bit to reconcile needs against guilt at times. I’m fucking paranoid about getting caught, to the point of CIA levels.

Zan: What will be, will be. That’s the control element.

Unjaded: Yeah sure I know that. I accept the risk profile.

Zan: When I look back, my main three relationships have all been with narcissistic women. All were a cunt in some form, hence why I enjoyed doing shit behind their back. Do you remember me telling you about that girl I finished with earlier this year? The super kinky one that pissed herself for that guy? She messaged me yesterday after a seven month gap.

Unjaded: And does that surprise you? Of course not, because you knew she’d come back as you fucked her well, & she’s presumably a cunt with low self esteem.

Zan: Nothing does anymore. He dumped her and now she’s crawling around for affection. But, the way she spoke to me was like the things that bothered us then are still bothering her now. I took great pleasure in struggling to recall who the other guys were and pointing out her low self worth. Seven months!!! She’s still in the same mindset as then too. So pathetic.

Unjaded: Because unless she has a light bulb moment of great introspection, she is doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes & being the same idiot.

Zan: I agree. It’s funny because at some point we have had that light bulb moment and now it amuses me when people haven’t. I’ve been amusing myself with the one that text me yesterday out of the blue. She’s still giving it large about the boyfriend who gave her the best orgasms ever (and ultimately chose his job over her). She’s so self absorbed, me telling her I’ve not great orgasms for a few years barely registered as the insult it was intended to be.

Unjaded: I just feel sorry for them mate, especially the men. I actually think men have more chance of escaping that mindset than women, providing they embrace the pain instead of hiding from it. Women typically just go deeper & deeper into their delusions, like a vinyl constantly being played, & the needle slowly scraping the grooves deeper & deeper.

Zan: I’ve stopped drinking coffee whilst reading some of the stuff you send!

Unjaded: It’s true though. Even when I’ve tried to help them, they seem to listen but fall back into habit. Being self aware is one of the most important traits one can have I think.

Zan: I’ve met so many women who are good at pretending to be self aware, but when you bring up the inconsistencies in what they tell you the truth becomes clear. I was talking to The Spanish Knife the other day and I think even my mother is narcissistic. My upbringing with her was horrendous at times.

Unjaded: Of course man. They want the validation from fitting into a peer group, but then pick & choose whatever reflects their inner desires, & then find a way to rationalise the breaching of their moral standpoint. It’s called compartmentalisation.

~ Unjaded

Extremist

Not incredibly beautiful, but you know you would

What a week; starting being extremely constructive & literally getting a whole bunch of stuff done, before my genetically naturally poor immune system finally gave way & I went down with a flu for two days. The first occurrence in about a year, it hit me pretty hard.

Of course, for whatever reason my exploits abroad has somewhat enhanced my reputation back in the worst country you’ve ever been & I had a greatly enhanced response from some girls I’d be laying the groundwork for before I left. The enthusiasm levels sorted out the wheat from the chaff & after being away, I came back with a real desire to get some girls on the go again. The idea of nailing some new women was at the forefront of my mind, but there was no way. After a day of not being able to breathe properly & imbibing numerous coffees to keep me awake, I went to do some cardio to attempt to shake off the symptoms that were slowly emerging within me. The session itself went fairly well, but it’s always a gamble & this time, seemed too advanced to battle. In the evening I started to go rapidly downhill  & despite the barrage of suggestions to meet up rattling my phone, by the following day I was a complete mess, entirely incapable to do anything even if I’d wanted to.

Two days of watching documentaries, playing video games & loading myself with obscene amounts of garlic, & I was almost back up to full strength. I have wanted to experience something more extreme again, such as the day when I slept with three women in one day. I’m not sure how possible again that would be, but it’s possible I could engineer it again. What’s more likely is a married (of course) woman who was working at the gym I go to, who I was momentarily friendly with, has become a little bit obsessed with me. I know two girls right now who are part Swiss & part Hungarian, & I’m not sure what happens to girls who have this combination of genetics but I seem to be of great interest to them. The first one has been texting me a lot, is friendly, younger, with a great gym trained body, while the other is the married one. She tells me she actually has somewhat of an open relationship where her husband allows her to sleep with other women (probably because he joins in I would imagine). However, that openness doesn’t extend to other men. As we know of course, these days being monogamous is a trivial matter to most women & as I was working one day, she messaged me to ask if I had ten minutes & she’d show me something. That resulted in us scurrying downstairs to the basement of the gym where she works & immediately being all over each other.

I should also point out I had invited her to my house previously & attempted to seduce her. She got half naked before saying she wasn’t sure if she could continue. I didn’t know about the husband at this point but given my experience I expected that to be the case. I could’ve probably pressed the matter further & got my way or at least somewhat of my way out of the situation but I’m no dog & least of all, would not force anyone to do something they don’t naturally feel inclined to do. I might have issues with certain things but I’m not desperate for pussy. So I backed off, being sure she noticed the outline of my very erect penis through my trousers so she could see what she was missing out on, & a couple of kisses later, off she went. I didn’t see her again until I came back from being on tour.

Upon my return, I messaged her to alert her of my return & get the conversations going again. I would say surprisingly, if not for my range of experience in my life, she’d deleted my number & left me a (two page) letter in my letterbox, describing how I’d made her feel, that she’d never met anyone like me, (conversely) that certain previous guys she’d been involved with had destructive effects on her family & finally, that her way of justifying doing something with me, would only be to attract a girl & then ‘bring’ her to me, where we’d both then have her way with her. Even a man of my experience was slightly taken aback by this, with this potential proposition I weighed up the possibility of this potentially obsessive person bringing me a string of women to fuck together, was far too much of a good thing to turn down. Given that she’s incredibly hot herself with very naughty eyes, a toned body & a couple of fake but very well formed breasts attached, I would be happy just to have her herself. But it’s seemingly the perfect lover; a married woman with kids (so they’ll be limited, controlled emotional hassle), who likes women to share with me, who will also pick them up for me & bring them to my house? It seems too good to be true. But I will ensure the situation is controlled, as she is active on the man’s real enemy – social media & so one must always stay on top of that.

I’m likely to meet her next week. I think she’s involved in a few different sexual activities & has that tragically hot yet slightly damaged energy about her which I must admit, I’ve always found very attractive. In any case, I’m just looking for something more extreme & frankly, am likely to find such a proposition hard to resist.

~ Unjaded

Appreciation

Jesus Christ *cough* Welcome to Jimena Sanchez from Mexico FOX….

Apologies for the late post; I like to keep a weekly schedule these days but when you’re without a moment to spare for almost the entire duration of your time away from home, the problem is not so much the intermittent internet but more the complete lack of time or privacy to actually write anything.

However one thing I had in abundance these last two weeks was acute experiences, from a variety of perspectives. For the first time in my life, I experienced a taste of what it’s like to be famous & revered somewhat. Of course, this was only a little bit of what established celebrities experience regularly but it was really a surreal experience, particularly as I sit here back in the same seat before any of this happened.

In summary, my musical project took a step up. An endeavour that was intended to advance us in some way to the next level, did so in an entirely unprecedented way, where one could describe it as being throw up a whole flight of steps. A hardcore fan base was made over the course of two weeks in a place where we’d previously been unheard of. Over these two weeks, an insane collage of stress, euphoria, energy & chaos flew by, accompanied by an array of endless faces, hands to be shaken & pictures alongside new found fans.

It reminded me first hand, of how something so small can mean so much to another. I typically take the view of assuming most people are predominantly concerned with others by way of seeing how much they can gain from that person. But I think this is a symptom of my cynicism as much as a form of preemptive defence. While I prefer this instead of getting screwed over constantly from being nice to everyone & being thought of as naive or gullible as a younger man, it does again come down to the application of balance; something many of us only develop with experience. Namely, realising who & when to give what & how.

Being abroad in a country & receiving so much love as a new artist was incredible really. You could see how they really believed in us; how they were looking for something real, rather than the fake, cynical substitutes they have to make do with most of the time instead. To be able to project yourself & your energy onto others & receive the same or more back is an incredible feeling only available to the fortunate few, & something I’m very appreciative of.

Much in the same way as how crowds in our base country were totally unemotive & disconnected from what we were doing onstage due to their apathetic attitudes brought about by total availability & satisfaction, the people were much the same way. Where we toured is a developed country, with some heavily undeveloped areas which bring about a number of challenges. No job is guaranteed & if you don’t work, there’s a far greater possibility you won’t eat. Musicians don’t tend to pass through as often, as they’re not getting vast sums of money promised to them. When they do pass through, you can see it’s often cynical in the same way as a corporation looks at a deprived country as a business opportunity while offering nothing of substantive value in return. They arrive, perform, take their pay packet & disappear back to where they came from without a moment’s more notice. Taking the time to engage with these people who have real challenges in life & listen to them properly is one of the most rewarding activities in life, celebrity or otherwise.

Back here in the worst place you’ve ever been, without purpose one can rapidly feel lost. I can totally understand everyone’s need to make money; it is central to modern day life. But when you’re torturing yourself in an existence you can’t stand & don’t have any meaning beside the accumulation of products or money in your life, you’re gonna have a bad time. Having means without having purpose is akin to having nothing at all.

The culture pervades through the people of the respective countries too. The first day away we arrived in a major city, I found myself having a beautiful, femininely dressed girl, perhaps ten years my junior smiling at me. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn’t imagining it, particularly as I didn’t look particularly good that day. She was superb; a little auburn headed beauty with a sweet but naughty smile. That alone was enough to lift my spirits & return me to a state of remembering how miserable & apathetic I had allowed myself to become because of others. Despite my knowledge of frame, a internally based self esteem & how I shouldn’t allow idiots to affect me, I has allowed the miserable, unfulfilled wasters to seep into my own mentality.

Fortunately the benefit of perspective gained from being away from routine has helped me considerably, & I am back to being myself. I see now that when you have everything available to you (much in the way a woman using a dating app now has endless choices), they become apathetic about everything & in fact, it is nothing to do with you. While I have mastered this part, I have previously paid the price through shutting down & applying a complete approach to everyone. Being close or presumptuously aggressive to everyone by default is as bad as coming across as naive & gullible; the net result of both is negative.

The girls generally don’t smile at me here. I’ve caught a few looking for an extended period of time, but then they look away as though showing interest is a bad thing. The ego takes over as showing interest means showing interest is what they perceive as showing weakness; the “I don’t need you” mentality of modern feminism has become endemic, as people (firstly women, & then men in reaction to that) isolate themselves to interacting with others.

The main thing I realised while away, is that I stay where I do mainly because my life is quite easy here & I can make money that enables me to do what I want to do. I fit in to the extent where I can maintain a low profile while doing what I want to do. I have often considered how it might be if I went elsewhere but while here, I can create a life as I wish. It doesn’t depend upon the locals, what they think of me or anything other than what I wish. Creation of one’s life is entirely within the realm of decision making, providing you take into consideration what cards has dealt you, the process of which requires you to put aside your ego & remember to not allow the negative people among us to shut you down to the extent where you may miss out upon an opportunity to engage with another who exists within that same realm or environment.

The resistance to societies expectations is one stage of self improvement. But true strength comes from being able to apply the correct emotion with enough heart, at the right times to the right people. It sounds easy but it’s not – mainly because you won’t necessarily realise that which you may have missed as a result of not addressing this problem within yourself.

Give appreciation where it’s required to the people who feed it back to you, & watch your life unfold in ways you may never have really envisioned. The rest is just a means to an end.

~ Unjaded

Concentration & Accumulation

Generic Instagram chick of the day – keep an eye out for her sprawled shamelessly over a yacht near you soon.

As is always the way, when you stop caring about the opposite sex & get in touch with one’s self, the energy you accumulate from concentrating on the self emanates outwards & it becomes attractive to others. While recently my main priorities have been Venezuelan, my band’s debut support slot on an arena tour, consolidating my investments & maximising my effectiveness at the gym, I now find myself awash with options.

Too many in fact, both old & new. Right now, I have SPC on her third run after a couple of doubting moments on her side, Tunisian back in touch wanting to ‘come over’ sometime, a bisexual Swiss / Hungarian woman also after the same, a Uruguayan, a Polish high flyer, another Hungarian, an Israeli who likes to play games, a Russian, a South Korean, the old hot Estonian & a young Bosnian girl who wants me to ‘train’ her. It verges on the absurd & I really should cut off the one’s I’ve already had my way with in the interests of time, but the power of having control over all of them gets me off. I play a dangerous game at the best of times, but I should know when to pull the plug. When a girl decides not to talk to you anymore as a result of you ending it, it’s actually a blessing in many ways as you then no longer have to worry about any psycho moments.

Speaking of which, I purged my blocked list yesterday & within an hour the Uzbek Psycho had got back in touch. I quickly remember who that number had belonged to & rectified my mistake. At no point do I want unexpected visits arriving at my house, particularly when Venezuelan is visiting. That can often be somewhat stressful anyway & admittedly is often a concern of mine whenever I invite a girl over to my place. I even refrain from giving them my exact address in case they later reference it to my disadvantage.

I have often said I’ve felt as though I’m reaching the point of ending the hedonistic lifestyle I have maintained for the last few years but that’s usually because of a particular period I have then been experiencing. To think almost two years ago now I was considering remaining long term with someone who resulted in little more than a typical female idiot with big fake breasts. Don’t get me wrong, they were great fun & upon non-nostalgic reflection the other day, I realised I had maintained the facade with her because I liked banging her on a regular basis. Ironically, I taught her everything she knew; raw material I shaped into my own play thing. While I could have considered her emotions more, I was vindicated in my suspicions of her only being surface deep as she quickly worked her way through some more penis. All’s well that ends well however.

With knowledge & some honestly, one will quickly realise the hedonistic lifestyle is unsustainable. Much like a drug addict, one always seeks a harder high. While with women this may not be only pursuing more attractive versions, it can be becoming ever more ruthless with people. Once you get what you want, even if you like the person that’s only going to have a limited shelf life without intimacy. Even long term lovers or friends with benefits will have more to their arrangement than they might even be prepared to admit, because the physical thrill will only last a limited time. I am clear on this more than ever now, for a number of reasons confirmed through readings as well as experiences. Despite having a plethora of women historically & now to choose from, the girl I most desire is Venezuelan, because she is who I easily feel most comfortable to. That she is independently physically hot is a bonus but I know it wouldn’t be the same as it is now without that connection we have. It even manifests itself physically; when I’m finished with a girl to whom I only have a physical attraction & little more than a polite understanding with, when i’m done I’m done. I’m a considerate & even generous lover. But with no other woman except Venezuelan, will I finish & within moments want to do it again. That traverses biology & hasn’t happened to me with anyone else.

I remember reading once about the concept of ‘mini relationships’ when I started my game journey which led me to my self development journey (a far more worthwhile cause). While I have been through my ‘hardcore’ period of telling women what I want & don’t want, this can be a bit hit & miss. To be ambiguous about your level of interest is far more interesting to a woman & far more likely to garner you a wider range of women. It’s worth bearing in mind than the majority of (particular Western based) women in the mating pool allow precedence of the herd mentality over their own deep seated feelings. With the rare exceptions of those who’ve fallen through the net for whatever reason, most women consider peer acceptance as one of their main priorities. And for that reason, they’re generally very uninteresting people & doomed to be perpetually miserable.

To be fair however, this is also common among men & is a people thing, rather than a female thing. I only emphasise the male dating perspective as there are still those who come here for dating advice – something I do specialise in despite all my faults. Men also feel the need to be accepted by others, manifesting itself in ‘acceptable’ arenas such as sports, which replace the boredom that comes from times of peace, more so than ever when we can effectively have nothing to strive for when all of our needs are accounted for by the supermarket or the bank.

The modern age has resulted in this being refined down to the most basic of interactions, where quick exchanges provide a shallow version of the desired result, whether that be peer acceptance or validation of being wanted by someone (read ‘anyone’) of the opposite sex. The well documented failure of the latest worker generation in achieving any happiness of substantial depth tells you everything you need to know about how social interactivity is right now & although this is endemic in the latest generation old enough to participate in society, the normalisation of this means existing, older generations do (at least in part) feel as though they must adapt to these new models of interaction in order to have any success. Much like the proliferation of online dating which has for all intents & purposes become the standard means of dating now instead of the practice of asking someone on a date & which was derided when it first emerged, no one sends a letter when an email will do.

Inversely, those who do make the effort to differentiate themselves from the crowd by using more traditional methods, can find themselves highly valued but critically, only to someone else who might appreciate it. And even then, there’s no guarantee the recipient will discontinue these other methods they are using, such as online dating to ensure a woman gets a regular supply of attentions, validation or cock. Much in the same way it’s said you’ll see the true nature of a man when you give him true power, you’ll see the true nature of a woman when she’s able to flex her vagina to the endless hordes of hungry, undignified, gameless men found online. I have seen & personally experienced this countless times through first hand experience; fortunately always placing myself on the side of he who is not emotionally involved & taking it for what it is. On more than one occasion for example, have I fucked a girl only for her to have come from or about to go on a date. The Ecuadorian women I was seeing had done exactly this, inviting me over for sex prior to a date she was having. As it turned out, she confided in me that she liked this guy she was seeing & thought it was getting serious, as I laid next to her moments after she’d finished me all over her chest. The following week, she texted me to say things with him were ‘getting serious’ & she couldn’t see me anymore as she ‘wanted to give it a try with him’. I even played along, eager to see how far she’d take it if I offered her everything on her terms. I proposed to her that I’d be happy to fuck her whenever she wanted, at her convenience, alongside her seeing her boyfriend. Needless to even say, it wasn’t surprising at all when she agreed to the idea. The temptation of having her cake & eating it, was way too much for her to resist. I didn’t follow through of course, instead focusing my attention elsewhere. We briefly spoke again a few months later & predictably, her attempt at the relationship had died a slow, miserable death.

This sabotage of misery people employ on themselves via the voluntary participation in these processes, decimates their self esteem as the essence of interaction completely goes missing & these experiences become transactionary. This runs through every aspect of what happens between people, even beyond the scope of sexuality that we are discussing here. Colleagues, friends & family are all affected likewise & so we conclude that the epidemic of transactional relationships is unfortunately commonplace now. As such, we have to treat people for what they are & when we speak of ‘game’, we speak indeed of playing the game. Going through the motions & saying the things people want to hear, with only enough of our true selves within each sentence, each touch & each exchange in order to make it appear convincingly authentic, despite this poor substitute not being what anyone really wants.

Should you find that genuine, authentic connection within another in any type of relationship, providing you have experienced & uncomfortably pushed oneself enough to know yourself well, you will recognise it & in the ideal scenario, the other will also be as you.

~ Unjaded

The Battle Of Authenticity

So commonplace now, it’s utterly dull.

It’s often said that your environment can shape you both temporarily & permanently. I believe there is an American saying something along the lines of not living in San Francisco too long or it’ll make you soft, but also not to live in New York for too long, at risk of becoming too hard.

Where I am now is so slow & shit-eatingly politically correct, that it’s making me lazy (by my own standards – I’m seen an incredibly motivated genius here, unemotional to the point of being perceived presumably by others as a narcissist & utterly dull. People here live to societal standards by way of peer evaluation. Status is everything & so that on the surface takes precedence.

And my God, does that make it one of the most boring places I’ve ever been.

Perhaps it’s coming from within myself, as frankly I’ve done so much in my life that by now, very little impresses or motivates me to go out of my way to do anything extravagant. Notably though, I have noted I am reaching the point of total disinterest in women. The only one’s who tend to spark any type of interest in me are Latina or Eastern European women that are either about the same age as me or older, or the extremely rare cases where one would find that bizarre, immense chemical attraction to someone. As I’ve stated before, younger women are either or both of boring or have the attention span of a fly; something I’ve no doubt is a consequence of the newer millennial generation – a term I happily use with condemning abandon. Having been alive for a reasonable amount of time now & in that time, doing more than the average person may have done, I can state unreservedly people became much worse in their general quality. While their general levels of inform have become better, the mass of always available information has made it easier for idiots to be both bred & then further feed whatever belief they have of X, Y or Z. People have always looked for peer support & latched onto anything they can find in order to justify their own beliefs, & with endlessly generated information (regardless of accuracy or source) that is easier than ever.

The end result is a majority of zombified idiots, afraid of upsetting anyone because they’re spending too much time on the internet & think extremists are as prevalent in real life as they seem to be online. If that actually was the case, we’d live in a state of almost total anarchy but of course, we don’t. Unless there is a an active war, even in the most deprived of regions the majority strive to create communities, because in reality most people want the same things; housing, food, stability, reasonable opportunity (such as the means to work fairly) income & the occasional treat such as a holiday. Everything else comes from the ego by way of media & environmental conditioning. Most people have no interest in standing out & most successes or failures can be traced back to either a psychological or environmental event, or a combination of both.

Everything also comes with an cost, sometimes spoke about in economic circles as a opportunity cost. I reside in one of the richest countries in the world, courtesy of it’s self-creation as a tax haven. Yet the cost of living is such that I am poorer here than where I was in my last position. The focus on money verges on the insane; everything is distilled into a commodity. While this has rapidly become a global phenomenon, here it’s unforgivable to have any circumstance where one might have made a reasonable mistake & allow them some leeway. Rules are rules & any divergence from this is punishable.

‘Schizoid personality Disorder’ is a condition which takes numerous forms, one of which is the adaptation of your professional persona & approach into your personal life. The exterior that many of us must maintain in the workplace, particularly the corporate world, is akin to a child barely disguising himself as an adult. People compartmentalise their lives, sometimes as a coping mechanism & resort to well beaten cliches to dig themselves out of a panicking situation, such as being asked an unreasonable question to which it is implied (usually by a superior) they should know the answer to. But every mind has it’s limit, to knowledge as well as tolerance. Controlling your emotions is not suppressing them; it is rather knowing when to release them & to what degree. One can only imagine how many people fantasise about doing something drastic at work such as quitting on the spot or directly telling an irritating superior their true thoughts, but they never do.

With most people’s spare time intentionally filled by nothing more than a variety of distractions & the majority of it being filled with nothing more than the employment they must undertake in order to survive in a capitalist society, their career becomes their main focus. Indeed, one of the very first questions people ask each other upon engaging in small talk is of course ‘what do you do for a living?’. The truth is within the very question; ‘what do you do to ‘live”.

As such, this focus becomes our environment for the majority of our time & changes our personality. Our brains adapt, sometimes against their real will; something we simply cannot deny. While there are some who are content with such an existence (safe, mundane predictability), those who must play a part to receive the economic rewards will pay a price. They will become slowly changed by their environment much in the same way radiation might affect those in a fantasy film. As time passes & youth slowly leaves them, the effects are ever more apparent. The spirit will insist upon it’s own path & the conflict between your actions & your true desires will begin to manifest itself somehow, & the first candidate will always be your personal life.

~ Unjaded