Not Giving A Fuck

Don’t know who this is & frankly speaking, I don’t care… We can call her ‘nice breasts’.

‘Here we are again, again on my own’ were the words from Whitesnake’s immortal classic ‘Here I Go Again’. It’s a great song to listen to when embarking upon a new chapter in life, as isolation can indeed be a beneficial state to embrace when one wishes for new experiences or improvement of the self. At the least, the chasing of females should be a supplementary activity, because as I’ve mentioned before fucking women brings diminishing returns. And anyone financially sensible would not hold on to an asset bringing gradually diminishing returns. As such, it should be the same with your attitude to women.

Coming back to the song in question, it inevitably ends up being inextricably attached to the end of romantic liason, most boringly so in media; commercial media releases. And in all honesty, it was probably written for the commercial returns such a song would generate. Being a musician, I can tell you straightforwardly that any style of musician won’t pass on a catchy hook or say no to a paycheck, unless it’s flagrantly against whatever principles that may have left or in incredibly bad taste.

I did a count of all the potentials or ‘ongoings’ I’ve got in my harem at the moment, & decided to send them all a generic message after a intentional weekend of silence. I do remember reading once upon a time that going off the radar from time to time was a good tactic to keep women keen & can testify to that. Most of them came back with the usual uninspired nonsense, almost as though everyone is bored to death & is going through the motions, but can’t be bothered to do anything about it.

In all honesty, I’m reaching the point where I’m simply not impressed with what women generally have to offer anymore anyway. I only sent out that message to see who would reply. I’ve already deleted scores of numbers in the past two weeks, including a very hot twenty three year old Ukrainian girl, who never initated anything conversation whatsoever. It’s almost as though any positive character trait comes with some sort of caveat. A hot girl expects you to do all the running. A girl with lots of attention the same. I’m in my mid-thirties now & I can catagorically tell you, that romantic relations have deteriorated drastically. Of course I use the term ‘romantic relations’ loosely now, but by that I mean everything that might comprise the elements in two people getting together in some way or another.

Fucking a lot of women was instrumental in the creation, destruction & reconstruction of me. That is documented mainly in this very blog. I only wish I would have started this blog earlier in 2012, when my journey truly began. I’ve had some incredibly sexual experiences that I would never have changed for anything.

But something is changing now, & it’s not as simple as me saying “I’ve had enough & want to settle down”. I don’t believe the fire in me will ever die & so nor will that desire inside me. That said, I do feel as though it’s slowing down intrinsically. The big question is why? It could be attributable to many things. I have a ‘core’ of women in my harem that regardless of some fluctuations, have stayed within the circle of fucking. The sex is always good & even improves over time. Such examples are SPC BalletDancer, both of whom are physically attractive but also good people at heart. They don’t have large physical imperfections & I have reached the point with both of them where they know what I like & enjoy it themselves. Even FilipinoHostess could somewhat be considered within this catagory, as she’s become very good at pleasuring & enjoying. And most importantly in most cases, I don’t think any of these women are idiotic or irritating. Crucially also of course, I find them attractive.

Additionally they make some level of effort. There’s a vast amount of women I’ve had some level of interaction with recently who simply don’t. They often will attribute this to ‘being busy’ or that they ‘think the man should do the chasing’, but I’m certain a woman in any situation will only change her attitude to you when she’s got some level of confidence in that she’s got an equal or better replacement lined up. It doesn’t matter what level of intimacy one has reached with another. It simply depends upon that. Two weeks ago, the Israeli woman literally messaged me with some bullshit about ten times a day. Now, she hasn’t contacted me in a week, despite us fucking the shit out of each other. I’m happy about that. She really had become irritating.

Perhaps my dwindling interest in women is because my general expectations have become so low, I literally expect nothing else out of a woman than a period of fucking, before for whatever reason or another she’ll disappear & that’ll be that.

It could also entirely be because of the attitude of the women in the country I’m in, which is pretty close to a endgame of how a society of complete third wave feminism & total politically correctness could be. Everyone is utterly sexless. Even the younger generations, despite being horny seem to have adopted some type of ‘collateral sex life’, where the act of sex is of less value than knowing you could have sex with X, Y or Z. Or all three. Women act like goddesses on this alone, & even with high level game you’ll struggle to convert. Even if you do, you’ll inevitably be disappointed as their total lack of experience or understanding of oneself gives you an utterly disappointing experience.

And perhaps you’ll just get to the point, where you start to see through all the false, surface level bravado that seems to pervade among not just women, but people, & think to yourself; “How much of myself am I actually giving this person, for what I’m receiving?” How many hoops are you willing to jump through? How many inanely shit & uneducated conversations are you willing to tolerate? How many utterly shit activites are you willing to participate in, to make a woman feel ‘romantic’, whereas in reality you couldn’t care less about this person aside from that you’d fuck them?

All the fuckable women I see now fall into one of three overarching catagories. Firstly, the totally inane & self obsessed woman in her early twenties who through some mechanism or another depending on her natural attributes, will find a way to obtain the validity she needs. Secondly, the used up women in their thirties who are now desperately against the clock trying to somehow create the image of a happy family by using whatever’s left in the tank to try to ensnare someone. And finally, the divorced or unhappy ex/wife who wants to find a horny guy to make her feel like she did when she was in her twenties & has got to the point where she’s entirely taken her husband for granted or in the case she is divorced, is going through her ‘fuck as many guys as possible out of spite’ phase. That’s literally it, with very few isolated exceptions where for whatever reason or another (usually it must be said, a historic trauma) has a different mentality.

You’re there, trying to make the best of yourself. Fighting against the odds, as we all do when one is trying to achieve something of note that might elevate you above the generics who just go to work, flop down in front of the television & get conditioned by it. And you’re presenting with the motley crew described above; all of whom have little more than their vagina to offer & are using it however they feel best. Whatever type of women I meet, ninty five percent of them all result to the same type of women that when drunk (& often now not), cannot end the night without at least kissing someone & probably more, if they can get away with it. Why would any sane man who is trying to achieve anything want any of these three types in their life at all?

I asked Zan recently ‘Why do you think women cheat’? For men, it’s typically been accepted that their much higher testosterone levels biologically induce us to not be faithful. We must be one of the only mammals who has monogamy imposed upon us by a moral force. His answer was simple:

‘If they can, they will”.

~ Unjaded


Prime Christina Hendricks, who you obviously would on a number of different levels...

Prime Christina Hendricks, who you obviously would on a number of different levels…

Although I’ve gone through a long & sometimes arduous journey in getting comfortable with who I am & realising there’s nothing wrong with being different to your local ‘norm’, it will doubtlessly be noted to regular readers, I do struggle somewhat with temptation.

The problem is that while I do genuinely enjoy being in a relationship, having that love & the plans of ultimately moving forward with someone, many of my own life principles aren’t really compatible with the typical expectations of relationships. Frankly speaking, it’s entirely possible for me to be in love, in a serious relationship with someone, with them as my priority & being entirely otherwise respectful of them, while still having sex with other people. At this stage of my life, it’s not even that my love life with my hypothetical ‘serious’ partner would suffer. If anything, my additional external adventures add to the quality of that. I imagine if I were to have a situation where someone accepted that, I would be furiously energised & treat that person like a queen in any situation I was with her. If I had someone who loved me, but went as far to participate with me at times, I’d probably never leave her side.

That’s not to say I wish to live this lifestyle forever of course. I’m not stupid enough to underestimate the value of a long term partner. But therein lays my quandary. Where I have, for example in Venezuelan a ‘traditionally’ perfect partner (loving, faithful, supportive, hot & so on), although she often tells me I can speak with her about anything, some gentle insinuative probing have pretty much told me that if I want to be with other women, that I cannot be with her.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to be able to express opinions that a lot of places (including increasingly my homeland & consequently, the large majority of those inhabiting it) simply won’t accept. My above situation must simply be resolved by making a choice & so enduring a ‘sacrifice’; a circumstance that all too many people seem readily willing to take on. ‘I can’t do X because I have children / a mortgage or whatever reasonably justifiable reason they can glean from their life without sounding entirely ridiculous. The whole concept of having to choice between things is in my opinion, a created notion. From where I’m not entirely sure as of yet, but I imagine the vastly selectively politically correct crowd has something to do with it as usual. The easy targets such as the straight male trying to do what he believes to be the ‘right’ things for a happy relationship are focused upon, as much popularly consumed media is afraid to risk upsetting groups that may or previously have made problems. So those who don’t have a reputation for reacting are continually targeted. As I’ve mentioned before, in the scope of what we are speaking about here, because for example feminism is still trollied around as a forefront issue in Western societies, the nature of the media tends to reflect this. Shows advertised as straight comedy often paint the male counterparts as fundamentally flawed in some way or worse still, the women is clearly unfaithful & ultimately, it is as though nothing has ever happened.

But I’ve gone over this before & there’s nothing we can do about it. In reality, much of how the world works is determined by the majority. That online evangelists or TV shopping channels make thousands upon thousands, is simply a result of them adapting to the status quo & making it work for them. It doesn’t require much intelligence; it’s more a matter of how far you are willing to go morally & how much effort you’ll put into it.

Why do people who’ve hit the bottom manage to achieve so much if they manage to pull themselves through it? Because they’re willing to do anything to be as far from that situation again as possible. A man who almost starved is scarred within; he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he can always eat, & eat well.

I am another example of this, for better or worse. From the self induced traumas of last year, I have got to the point where I want it all. Anything I have passion for (which is pretty much money, music, love & sex), I want it pumped up to eleven. From August 2014, I had known my relationship with The Mexican was not going to last; but for whatever reason I loved fucking her. I did care about her to some extent, but frankly speaking I loved how much she loved me fucking her. I genuinely think it was a power thing. After I found out what I found out about her, somewhere within me it was reduced to a simply casual thing. It was a power thing. I wanted to fuck her better than anyone would ever fuck her again.

Sick reading in hindsight to be honest, & a demonstration of how one can traverse certain boundaries in anger without even being aware. I became the type of person I often criticise, where almost everything I did was related to one direct goal, but a goal with no definite end. By choosing my own path against what I perceive to be the general status quo, I ventured deeply into a rabbit hole which would ultimately send me close to a near catastrophic end by way of my mental health.

I do believe now things are slightly different. This past week alone, I’ve given a Ukrainian ex model the first orgasm of her life, banged a girl from Singapore, another Argentinian girl & a Swiss girl; all on the second meeting. The ease of sleeping with certain women verges on absurdity at times. But my goals are tightly defined now. While I still love sex & frankly speaking, with different girls alongside my main girl, it’s simply entertainment to me now. The success of what I believe is my true calling; to be a professional musician. The universe is pulling in our favour & with the proper effort, we can go all the way. But as we have learned, the opportunity cost can be great. While I am not one now to sacrifice my own dreams for another, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel or fear the possibility of losing something which could be something genuinely special. Those who achieve great things often speak about the sacrifices they have had to make in order to get there, & it’s only now that I see this.

~ Unjaded

Zan Dates: #4.5 – The Precursor

'Behind door number five, I'm about to change your life'

‘Behind door number five, I’m about to change your life’

For the millions of you awaiting Zan Dates 5… It’s coming. It’s pornographic & involves the law. Don’t worry, it’s coming…

Something has really hit me tonight. I cannot for the life of me put my finger on it. Am I the only one that from time to time just feels like life is like a rollercoaster ride?

A few moments ago I sent Unjaded a link to a Bill Hicks routine with the same philosophy. If you haven’t seen much Bill Hicks, I urge you to watch him. It puts a lot into perspective.

A lot of what we do in life really has no consequence or effect in the grand scheme of things. It’s quite illusional, perfunctory activities making our lives feel valid & with some meaning. Honestly, it’s rare that I feel positive about anything. I can be fairly cynical but that is about to change.

Chasing my goals frightens me. I’m usually terrified of achieving something, because after that then what? I hate routine & what usually follows after that is exactly that; routine. This is the first time in my thirty two years of life that I actually have a goal to follow. It terrifies me how far I can take my life but believe me when I say; I will be taking it all of the way.

If you’re reading this, please just stop what you are doing & think honestly about your life. What can you achieve? What could you be doing that is positive & of a benefit to someone else? Start putting others before yourself & over time, the benefits will become clear. That may sound cryptic but trust me, it’s simple. Life has a funny way of working itself out. You will get hurt, you will suffer & you will feel unbelievable pain. But when it goes right for you, you will experience something you have never felt before. There is no word for it.

Everybody needs that moment that alcoholics will refer to as their ‘moment of clarity’. It’s coming. keep doing the right thing.

After the events in the forthcoming Zan Dates 5, I can say hand on heart, I am no longer scared of anything. Call it rock bottom if you will, but dear reader; after hitting that kind of low there really is only one way to go

~ Zan


..and kick it in the ribs for good measure.

Rejoice, it’s the beginning of a new week!

The weekend was a success. I saw almost all my old friends, have seemed to have sorted things out with main & my family is good. Only slight downside is getting quite smashed on fuel charges for the car rental I made. The total outlay I made on a number of things this past weekend has made me realise I am sometimes acting like a poor person with money; not being responsible enough. Although I have made several investments, I think it’s about time I made another level of diligence the standard for money matters, especially with the forthcoming changes.

All of my friends were well. We’re all in our thirties now & while chatting about the fringe people we have in our lives, we realised how much bad shit has happened to other people. From disabilities, to divorces, shootings, people losing the plot completely & all sorts of stuff. Listening to really tragic stories from people you used to know, made us appreciate by the end sitting there with sound mind & bodies, even if we are all struggling with our various challenges. I truly hope it stays that way. I can envision what I expect each of my good friend’s personal challenges to be, both now & in the future. The main one I’ve noticed seems to be motivation, stemming ultimately from a lack of self esteem or from procrastination. I suspect more of the latter as I write this, particularly in one case.

There’s no time to waste! I myself have lost plenty of it over the years, one could say not taking certain opportunities, and definitely the amount of time I’ve spent watching films or playing video games. Although I have previously said games are an important part (for me anyway) of letting the mind rest, five day, twelve hour sessions of a certain RPG may have been taking it a little far. In any case, I don’t regret those times but as with everything, balance is needed.

I believe you should try & do at least three personally beneficial things each day, that are not anything to do with your normal routine. In addition, you should look to complete these as soon as possible, where possible. For example, many people have business ideas & put off doing any active work on them, because they don’t have any capital. But if you were really passionate about your idea, then you’d already be working on it. Providing you have access to the internet (which practically everyone does in some way now) you can do research & put together a comprehensive plan.

Without this turning into a business blog, it may seem like what I say here sometimes is a bit obvious. And it is. The key point is; everyone says it’s obvious. But how many people actually go ahead & put what they read into action, after thinking ‘that’s obvious, what a shitty blog’? Very, very few is the answer. In my experience, the difference between those who ultimately succeed & those who do not is not academic qualification or barometers of ‘intelligence’ like IQ, but rather a combination of the difference in their measure of perseverance & dynamic adaptability when faced with opportunity.

While it’s true some people have easier access to opportunity than others through their family circumstances or connections, it’s just another limiting belief. Although progress can progressively slow the more you progress above average financial or social levels, anyone is capable of learning behaviour & skills that will elevate you to higher levels in life. A counter example of one of the aforementioned friends is on stagnation mode, despite having enormous potential & an admirable plan. On the other hand, I’ve met people from the travelling community to the corporate world, who have tangibly & successfully made efforts to change their circumstances, & I also include myself in this category. Anything is possible, providing you know why you are aiming for, & have enough of an interest in either the functions of whatever it is you’ll be doing to achieve it day to day (best), or the benefits of what it brings to your life as a result that improve your circumstances (second best).

Now let’s get through another week of earning that sterling.

~ Unjaded