Appreciation

Jesus Christ *cough* Welcome to Jimena Sanchez from Mexico FOX….

Apologies for the late post; I like to keep a weekly schedule these days but when you’re without a moment to spare for almost the entire duration of your time away from home, the problem is not so much the intermittent internet but more the complete lack of time or privacy to actually write anything.

However one thing I had in abundance these last two weeks was acute experiences, from a variety of perspectives. For the first time in my life, I experienced a taste of what it’s like to be famous & revered somewhat. Of course, this was only a little bit of what established celebrities experience regularly but it was really a surreal experience, particularly as I sit here back in the same seat before any of this happened.

In summary, my musical project took a step up. An endeavour that was intended to advance us in some way to the next level, did so in an entirely unprecedented way, where one could describe it as being throw up a whole flight of steps. A hardcore fan base was made over the course of two weeks in a place where we’d previously been unheard of. Over these two weeks, an insane collage of stress, euphoria, energy & chaos flew by, accompanied by an array of endless faces, hands to be shaken & pictures alongside new found fans.

It reminded me first hand, of how something so small can mean so much to another. I typically take the view of assuming most people are predominantly concerned with others by way of seeing how much they can gain from that person. But I think this is a symptom of my cynicism as much as a form of preemptive defence. While I prefer this instead of getting screwed over constantly from being nice to everyone & being thought of as naive or gullible as a younger man, it does again come down to the application of balance; something many of us only develop with experience. Namely, realising who & when to give what & how.

Being abroad in a country & receiving so much love as a new artist was incredible really. You could see how they really believed in us; how they were looking for something real, rather than the fake, cynical substitutes they have to make do with most of the time instead. To be able to project yourself & your energy onto others & receive the same or more back is an incredible feeling only available to the fortunate few, & something I’m very appreciative of.

Much in the same way as how crowds in our base country were totally unemotive & disconnected from what we were doing onstage due to their apathetic attitudes brought about by total availability & satisfaction, the people were much the same way. Where we toured is a developed country, with some heavily undeveloped areas which bring about a number of challenges. No job is guaranteed & if you don’t work, there’s a far greater possibility you won’t eat. Musicians don’t tend to pass through as often, as they’re not getting vast sums of money promised to them. When they do pass through, you can see it’s often cynical in the same way as a corporation looks at a deprived country as a business opportunity while offering nothing of substantive value in return. They arrive, perform, take their pay packet & disappear back to where they came from without a moment’s more notice. Taking the time to engage with these people who have real challenges in life & listen to them properly is one of the most rewarding activities in life, celebrity or otherwise.

Back here in the worst place you’ve ever been, without purpose one can rapidly feel lost. I can totally understand everyone’s need to make money; it is central to modern day life. But when you’re torturing yourself in an existence you can’t stand & don’t have any meaning beside the accumulation of products or money in your life, you’re gonna have a bad time. Having means without having purpose is akin to having nothing at all.

The culture pervades through the people of the respective countries too. The first day away we arrived in a major city, I found myself having a beautiful, femininely dressed girl, perhaps ten years my junior smiling at me. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn’t imagining it, particularly as I didn’t look particularly good that day. She was superb; a little auburn headed beauty with a sweet but naughty smile. That alone was enough to lift my spirits & return me to a state of remembering how miserable & apathetic I had allowed myself to become because of others. Despite my knowledge of frame, a internally based self esteem & how I shouldn’t allow idiots to affect me, I has allowed the miserable, unfulfilled wasters to seep into my own mentality.

Fortunately the benefit of perspective gained from being away from routine has helped me considerably, & I am back to being myself. I see now that when you have everything available to you (much in the way a woman using a dating app now has endless choices), they become apathetic about everything & in fact, it is nothing to do with you. While I have mastered this part, I have previously paid the price through shutting down & applying a complete approach to everyone. Being close or presumptuously aggressive to everyone by default is as bad as coming across as naive & gullible; the net result of both is negative.

The girls generally don’t smile at me here. I’ve caught a few looking for an extended period of time, but then they look away as though showing interest is a bad thing. The ego takes over as showing interest means showing interest is what they perceive as showing weakness; the “I don’t need you” mentality of modern feminism has become endemic, as people (firstly women, & then men in reaction to that) isolate themselves to interacting with others.

The main thing I realised while away, is that I stay where I do mainly because my life is quite easy here & I can make money that enables me to do what I want to do. I fit in to the extent where I can maintain a low profile while doing what I want to do. I have often considered how it might be if I went elsewhere but while here, I can create a life as I wish. It doesn’t depend upon the locals, what they think of me or anything other than what I wish. Creation of one’s life is entirely within the realm of decision making, providing you take into consideration what cards has dealt you, the process of which requires you to put aside your ego & remember to not allow the negative people among us to shut you down to the extent where you may miss out upon an opportunity to engage with another who exists within that same realm or environment.

The resistance to societies expectations is one stage of self improvement. But true strength comes from being able to apply the correct emotion with enough heart, at the right times to the right people. It sounds easy but it’s not – mainly because you won’t necessarily realise that which you may have missed as a result of not addressing this problem within yourself.

Give appreciation where it’s required to the people who feed it back to you, & watch your life unfold in ways you may never have really envisioned. The rest is just a means to an end.

~ Unjaded

Exploring

A far more satisfying experience than most modern females.

Despite our constant reminders that the world is globalised, fully integrated & getting ever closer to homogeneity, we are still far from that. Wealth is still narrowly dispersed across countries, with Western Europe & the USA taking the lion’s share, Asia hot on their heels & South America struggling to maximise it’s enormous potential under the spectre of widespread corruption.

Leaving your country & going to explore others is a fantastic way of understanding what you have or do not have, & how others manage or prosper compared to how you do. By ‘explore’ I do mean more than going on a package holiday, of which there is nothing wrong with at times. If you simply need a way to relax, package holidays are a superb invention. Everything is taken care of & you don’t have to engage your brain at all; something I think we should all do on a regular basis. But this isn’t going to help much in understanding other cultures better & in turn, understanding yourself better. To see how others manage the challenges of creating the reasonable expectations of a roof over their head, enough safely to raise a family & the opportunities to earn some money can be very enlightening, particularly to those who live within a life of privilege.

I have travelled extensively & as I write this, am currently passing through a North American country by bus, observing the variety of variety of businesses & ventures that industrious people create by the side of the roads in order to try to create a better life. It has been a common theme within my observations & discoveries, that those of any current status in life but whom had to endure in order to get their not only appreciate far more what they currently have, but are also immensely more interesting. While they may utilise their current position in order to enjoy or participate in certain activities that were previously inaccessible to them, they tend to understand that a lot of these formality based activities have little meaning & instead the value they note, is that from their families, their relationships (not only romantic) & the journeys which led them to where they stand today.

I’ve spent considerable amounts of time with people who’ve never really had to endure struggle in their lives & while a minority do understand the importance of acquainting themselves with how others less privileged than themselves conduct themselves, the majority are just blindly going about in their own little bubble, utterly oblivious to anything that’s going on & frankly, crushingly dull. I’d honestly rather not converse at all than rotate through the same tired old polite conversations. It surprises me that these people don’t realise how boring they are & take action to address it. Perhaps they’ve been traumatised is the only explanation I can think of, but to traverse failure & pain is the only way to know oneself & grow.

Any time travelling is mentioned these days, it’s often painted as a predominantly female pastime or right of passage. A man can be content with simple things & be happy to embrace isolation. Sexism has now become so commonplace that a man is assumed to be a sex pest should he decide to visit a country that may in parts have a reputation for sex tourism, irrespective of whatever his intentions may be.

Lay waste to normalised sexism, feel free to go forth & visit countries that may have previously concerned by how it may be perceived by others. While I personally have never paid for sex, in much the same way as I at least understand some criminal activity to feed his family; one must find means that work for him or herself. I have visited countries after chatting with a girl online & been invited, which honestly was one of the best ways to visit somewhere, for obvious reasons (although I normally maintained a level of control by booking a well known, central hotel).

One last note on why certain activities are frowned upon; much in the same way the old establishments are threatened by the internet revolutionizing business models, the availability of options for the modern man in search of quality females for whatever purpose he wishes threatens the entitled female. Although a woman should never be your primary motivation to do anything, a man should travel. And a man who can go abroad has the possibility to meet friendlier, less demanding, more feminine & more attractive women than what he might have on offer back home. Give that most Western women are offering little more than the prospect of what’s between their legs as an incentive for a man to endure all the rest of their bullshit, once a man realises the true range of possibilities out there he immediately loses interest in the cattle back home & so they lose the only level of power they had.

Freedom through knowledge brothers.

~ Unjaded

Withdrawal

Random internet girl #3255. Love the eye shadow look…

One would assume the well has run dry for the time being, but further inspection shows a lack of tolerance for time-wasters or women of a lower quality. When you are faced with those of the opposite sex who are convinced for whatever reason, they are indisputable objects of desire & act as such, despite ageing, being full of arrogance & generally unremarkable, one questions what he is putting his dick in against who else has already been there & by extension, where he places himself on the overall sexual scale.

While abundantly in the minority, it is still possible to find younger or less sexually experienced women who are pleasant enough on the service or upon first encounters. But if you’re not prepared to play the Beta game of constant attention giving & pretending the object of your affection is all you desire, while allowing her to absorb as much validation as she desires (the new norm), you will struggle. The talk of how Alpha’s don’t chase is true, but claims that this is the way in which one attracts scores of women is largely bravado. In a world where practically irrespective of your actual sexual value, validation & proclaimed desire is readily available from a number of different outlets, the man who is so aloof he sticks only to informational statements or even vague approval can only play those cards so much. Get the balance wrong & she’ll go elsewhere to ‘top up’, opening the door to others. This is the crux also, of marriages being tainted or failing. The imbalance of the sexes has never been more skewed.

One key aspect of attracting women is the need to differentiate oneself from the herd. If you’re blessed, this could be by way of your incredible physique, famed talent or sparkling personality. But in reality it’s more likely to not be like this, & you’re going to have to build yourself up. As one increases their value by maximising the cards they’ve been dealt in life, they can even reach a point where they’ve maximised the perception of their value so much, they become too much for women to handle. Even on the simple level, walking with genuine confidence will be seen by those who don’t have confidence as arrogance, whereby you’ll be dismissed as such as they prepare their attitude towards you.

Look at how animals are treated by the masses, particularly by women. Cute animals such as dogs, cats & baby seals are preferentially treated better, to the extent where we inconvenience our own lives to feed & care for them, or in the latter case mobilise others to campaign against it. As much as I love baby seals & it pains me to say so, I do understand that culling is sometimes required because of the need to maintain an environmental balance. But the point is, that there will always be preconceptions about you from the very moment another registers your presence. Appear impenetrable in how you have empowered yourself & this comes across strongly in your demeanour, & you will become too complex to control.

The Beta’s of the world prosper because they accept the rules that have been laid down for them. They are happy to gain the attention of a girl by being the one who wins the volume races of compliments or listening to their endlessly dull & repeated conclusions of the world. They accept that the girl they proclaim to have fallen for, is fully aware of his interest & so shelves him while she gets her fill of all the dick on offer. I’ve seen men hold torches for women for entire lifetimes in such a manner.

Men age, & it is apparent. I am under no illusions that I am not the man I was ten years ago. My face shows the lines that tell the hardships I have endured. But it is by no means at a point where it makes any more difference to if a girl finds me attractive or not. In contrast, I have built other aspects of myself to extremely high levels, that theoretically should increase my perceived sexual value. Financial power, physical fitness & so on, only go towards a logical conclusion once I start to question why despite this my results are different, I build aggression towards my surroundings; specifically the women of mating age. The resentment builds & I push myself ever further, because their falsely based value, derived from created ‘achievements’ that are no more than any person should do by default. Being female should not grant you any additional value. Being a decent, functioning person should not grant you any additional value. But thanks for modern day feminism, such things are celebrated as exceptional & the beneficiaries of this attitude begin to believe it. Anyone who is actually making exceptional effort will look at this in disbelief, much in the same way as the victim of rape will from someone throwing around the word ‘rape’ entirely out of context & meaning. The net result, as is the case with me, is that those genuinely pushing themselves to be exceptional & gaining real value, begin to withdraw from these ‘false’ circles & take their own path. Having read or listened to a number of autobiographies, I would propose that many of those who have made great achievements in life, have experienced something similar in concept to that at some point. In short, that they have tried to subscribe to the current framework in which one is expected to prosper at some point & either by way of failure, or success at a cost of dignity, rejected that & decided upon going their own way. But by way of rejecting the existing framework, comes a level of resentment which only serves to further fuel the drive they applied to the previous framework, but with a new level of determination coming from their new found knowledge of their own way, & the drive to prove that right.

I’m fairly sure there isn’t any way of short cutting this. Perhaps in reflection of my own path in women & sex, where I came across additional blogs & articles before immersing myself in it entirety, I ultimately have found a world where I have prioritised my own development & experiences, over the lack of dignity found in attracting women to sleep with me. Frankly speaking, when an overweight, unpleasant, unfeminine woman is for example, stating how she “didn’t like the way I’d spoken to her” after two days of her not replying to me when she’d clearly been on a date the day I’d messaged her & went on to enjoy her weekend. A woman I should point out, who I hadn’t even met, let alone agreed or came close to having even a semblance of any relationship with, making judgements on my choice of phrasing (which I should add was entirely reasonable).

Am I going to tolerate that, as well as her likely dull patter & prioritisation of her inane speculations, simply in order to giving her some of the best sex of her life? Absolutely not; on the simplest level few women have done any better to sexually satisfy me than what I can do to myself. More than ever, I understand why less & less men are willing to entertain the concept of marriage (let alone relationships), turning to genuine prostitution (instead of the pathetic dance that is Instagram models selling themselves) & going entirely their own way.

~ Unjaded

Life Game (Pt. 2)

Sofia Vergara, because of course you would.

The worst part of anything ceasing to be, irrespective of if one can say they really did put everything into it, is the irrevocable toll it takes upon you. As for better or worse genuine creatures for the most part, without lifelong training in how to deal with emotions or more than ever any type of support mechanisms such as women have, we see men pressing down sadness, regret, guilt & so on either chemically, or by remaining fearfully static in their own life. All we ever hear about these days are ‘strong women’ who are celebrated for their incredible achievements but which when put under scrutiny, actually amount to very little. More often than not, these ‘achievements’ are little more than what regular men are doing day to day; doing their job properly. Raising a child alone. Exercising. It’s almost as though the bar for women has been pushed so low by the all accepting, non-questioning wave of feminism that now terrifies the media & business, that any behaviour expected from a normal decent person, is now championed. But only when it’s women of course.

With the endless barrage of validation available to any woman with basic knowledge of angles & lighting, what we have is an entitled, deluded, largely talentless group of people, who feel by virtue of having a vagina, they are deeply lusted after by almost all men. Parading around in outfits which are basically lingerie, I’ve personally reached the point where I’ve finally understood how society is going the way it is. I can entirely understand why any man would simply withdraw, than have to put up with what amounts to little more than a spoilt child, who will jump online at the first sign of trouble to find someone else. Reach a certain age, & you’re left with little more than the dregs of society; women who practically have allowed their bitterness over a failed marriage or similar consume them & become little more practically than whores, selling themselves to the highest bidder. While there are a few examples worth considering even as you get older if you’re willing to considerably broaden your horizons, the remainder are often so indoctrinated, they have very little to say. I can remember so many occasions where I simply haven’t been interested in what a person has to say. It’s got to the point of almost complete intolerance for me personally now.

And these are the one’s whom the uninitiated among us, choose to MARRY. To share all of their harder than ever earned gains with. For sex. And apparently companionship, which often is subject to her acting skills, as the level one must maintain to truly enamour a privileged Western raised female is now almost entirely unobtainable. Everything has an opportunity cost; steroids screw up your balls & heart. Working long hours to gain that all important scratch destroys your social life.

What’s the opportunity cost of marrying a whore? Deep reaching, damaging & potentially permanently so. I don’t need to explain why one shouldn’t treat such women for more than what they themselves present themselves to be worth. We present ourselves in the image to which we wish to be considered. But one should still bear in mind the same lessons with any woman. This is the basis for life game.

Life game is the natural progression from game to pick up women. It’s when you realise the bigger picture. it’s when you look at how you are treating yourself & what efforts you are expending, for what you are trying to achieve or acquire. This realisation could happen over a longer period of time, because of a person (negatively or positively, & not necessarily a woman), because of a sudden realisation or an observation. You might observe yourself performing both mental & physical back-flips trying to get Caesar-like thumbs up from a woman you found attractive, & be disgusted how much effort you are making to impress someone who is clearly below you almost every level. Take away the fact that she’s (presumably) a woman you find physically attractive & then make your conclusion. Regardless of if you’re seeking something serious or more casual, psychotic delusional narcissists should not be on your list at any time. Don’t even look at them to feed their ego if you’re not planning on talking to them. Let them rot within their own delusional world they have created for themselves., until they run out of time & suddenly realise how weak they are.

So let’s assume you have found a woman worthy enough of attempting something more serious than banging her on a semi-regular basis. Your challenge then, is to maintain enough game to overcome unacceptable behaviours than have become normalised. Every action has a reaction, so your unquestioning acceptance of her hammering social media with semi-naked pictures of herself in provocative poses on an almost daily basis, means her respective inbox is going to be awash; yes, awash with hungry men who think they’re the only person who mustered up enough balls to send her a message. Are you naive enough to think all of those are going to be basic billy betas? It’s simply a matter of time before some steroided mug steps into the picture & she starts looking for justifications to go off & just meet him for a ‘coffee’ as a ‘friend’. The bottom line is, if a girl is in a relationship & doesn’t have a legitimate business reason of mutual benefit to you both for putting pictures as described above online regularly, then she’s promoting herself & keeping her options open. That’s it, there’s no other reason.

Of course, the justification for this is easily found as with basically anything a woman does these days – the general populace of the western world has become so indoctrinated to the battering ram of feminist shaming that if a woman cheats on her husband, eyes & minds immediately look for a reason why she would do that. Her husband must not have been providing her enough attention? Perhaps he cheated on her?

It couldn’t possibly be that she was a just a bitch who didn’t care about her vows, because she was horny or feeling spiteful & wanted to fuck someone else?

YES, that is what is it.

Every time, regardless of any other context that is attached to it.Much like how many male ‘friends’ she’s innocently meeting for coffee, or how she justifies the pictures she plasters up online, it’s simply because she chooses to take these actions for a goal of sorts. I’m not saying every girl who puts semi-naked or bikini pictures of herself on Instagram is trying to get laid. But the very act of her doing that means she’s open to it for the right person & tells you everything you need to know about her personality. She is not content with her current lot in life, not matter how great it may be & so she is making herself available for better opportunities. Those could be financial, sexual or the ultimate goal for most women, minor celebrity. Any justification that is given is false. Actions are always evidence of intent & much in the same way that it’s now being professed that black people cannot be racist to white people (any discrimination by any party against any another on basis of nationality or colour is racism), you have no obligation to tolerate otherwise. You are not obligated to any supposed status quo or anything other which prevents you from expressing yourself in any way not tangibly harmful to another in your conduct.

Now I have hopefully spelled out what we as men are up against, in the next part of this series, I’ll be outlining methods to stand against these proliferate lies.

~ Unjaded

Life Game (Pt. 1)

Savannah Prez, who probably has in my personal opinion, the best body of all time. So good, in fact, you get two pictures of it.

A lot of emphasis in the game world is placed upon attracting a woman, firstly to get her to sleep with you & so satisfying your immediate desire as a testosterone infused being. A read of any game blogger who has been around for longer than a year or two though, will show that even the most originally die hard of gamers are susceptible to their frame coming down when certain women press those certain buttons in us that blow our minds open somewhat. Indeed, a historical read of this very blog alone will illustrate even two such stories. While there have been countless women pass through these pages alone, these two epics were caused by women who we individually had little initial for, viewing them as little more than the latest in a long line of entertainment. Only for our worlds, our perceptions & indeed ourselves, ultimately being permanently changed.

But it doesn’t have to all be bad, & despite what you will probably hear, the prospect of your world crashing down around you in a catacylsmic event is far less likely than what should be your greater concern – the gradual erosion of something of significance you’ve established with someone. Once you’ve mastered the art of maximising yourself to attract a woman, the real challenge then lies in maintaining her perception of you. While most typical relationship advice these days would frame this as finding ways to ‘spice up’ your relationship through sexuality (to the extent of certain publications advocating how a woman’s marriage can be enhanced by her having an affair – what?!), in fact it is intimacy that will determine how your long term relationship will progress. The often quoted three year (men) & seven year (women) ‘itches’ are in fact lazy generalisations that people seem all to quick to fit themselves into nowadays in lieu of them just being authentic to what they really want. This in fact can happen any time, as is evidenced by the disposable nature of marriage today.

Intimacy is something which even if you have no desire to have a long term relationship, can be incredibly useful. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had has been with girls with who I have had a clear bond with, even if it’s nothing more than raw sexual energy. If for example, that raw sexual energy feels in enough of a comfortable position to be entirely released by that girl, then you’ll be getting blowjobs with a real determination & desire to pleasure, instead of running through the motions obligingly. Anyone whose experienced both sides of the coin will know exactly what I’m talking about. I’ll never forget when my ex EEP, felt that mix of raw desire & felt entirely comfortable to me, as I had to pull her head off of my cock after she told me she just ‘didn’t care’ if anyone saw her giving me a blowjob on the train as we pulled into the station. I should point out this was in broad daylight.

This is an important part of maintaining a sex life inside a relationship too, but can also be of much benefit in things not becoming stale. I myself am now on the verge of questioning if, that when my time in my current area comes to an end, should I accept (probably a perfectly enjoyable time) living with Venezuelan, or in fact ride off into the sunset to work in Asia or the US, surrounded by bored horny expats & riches beyond my imagination. One of the things that comes into the equation as I weigh up both sides, is the possibility of her becoming too comfortable. And this is a common situation for anyone to find themselves in, but especially now when in Western society, all of the deck is stacked against men anyway. Zan recently showed me a great example of what he’s up against elsewhere, where straightforwardly physically low quality women are conducting themselves with the attitude of a millionaire’s daughter with the looks of a prime Claudia Schiffer. I literally couldn’t believe how bad it has got, until I thought about some of the women of where I am now, giving me very little to work with at all, to the point where I simply don’t make the effort anymore. If they want me, they make the effort.

If you create an image of yourself to attract & obtain a woman, you must maintain that very same. That’s why contrary to some game practicioners, I don’t advocate creating an image that’s far from what you actually naturally are, because sooner or later you will be found out. No man’s heart is made solely from stone; we are the dogs of the world in more than the ways women unjustifiably label us as. We are also the more loyal of the species. If we demonstrate through our actions how much we love someone (instead of just saying it as some idiots do), it will be real. And if that is reciprocated, then by our very nature we will believe those expressions to also be true & so begin to lower our guard. The lower our guard, the more likely we are to revert to type, & so show parts of ourselves which may not be attractive to our chosen partner. It can start as minor expressions in say, reactions to comments or situations that are viewed surprisingly & subsequently negatively by our partners, through to complete resignation by some (notably older) men, where they abandon all effort in themselves or their relationship to another in total complacency. I do believe (having been there myself) that this is often a method of the subconscious mind sabotaging itself out of underlying unhappiness, but there are many occasions where it’s simple complacency. Often do you hear of them who reminisce of a prior situation which by their own hand, ceased to be.

~ Unjaded

Locale & Confidence

Emily Holland, with in my opinion a superbly maintained body. Literally one of the best I’ve seen.

So here we are in August of 2017; hasn’t time flown since 2014 when I started this blog. A man who was deeply in the throes of female affections, to an almost ridiculous degree. Strangely enough, with the exception of three years to which I’m told by independent sources have made little difference to my demeanour, things have changed quite substantially since then. For one, I feel significantly enlightened since then, which is probably due to a variety of things. I mentioned previously how what had happened to me in that particularly low period had a permanent effect on me. But after some travelling with my merry band of musicians sans Venezuelan, I had a little time to think clearly & evaluate my own behaviour & experiences being in a different country, with solely male friends.

And I came out realising, that a lot of what I feel, is because of where I am. Without again banging on about how where I’m currently located is dire (it is for a man of different tastes), not only have I had bad experiences here, the girls here are literally almost devoid of any type of interactive personality. While I thought it might be the way the world is going with the addiction to social media that seems so prevalent now, a trip to a neighbouring country totally reopened my eyes to why I had such an incredible life before, where I was literally banging different women almost every night. While that has been the case here at times & I certainly don’t have a drought, it has been so much more hard work at times. OK, I lived in the city back in 2014 & now I’m ten minutes train ride out of town in not the most trendy area. But there’s no way it’s going to be because solely because of that. Being abroad again, even during times with Venezuelan, I’ve seen women looking over. Checking me out. Even smiling & giving indicators of interest. Where I reside now, you literally have to be psychic to know if a woman is interested (unquestionably with the natives) & even then, upon approach you’re fighting uphill not from arrogance (although that is occasionally the case) but from a total lack of interactive skills. It’s a tiring business.

I have been offline nowadays, as opposed to the Tinder days of 2014 & even some of 2015. This has been intentional, as it’s indisputable Tinder has become vastly worst as it’s become more popular with both women & men. My last experiences resulted in a couple of catches which were fun at the time but overall it was a totally demoralising experience, as you came to terms with simply put, how shit people are now. The blase attitude of people, along with a clear devolution in communicative ability, ends up with you finding yourself endlessly uninspired, even to the point of abuse or sarcasm, asking questions intentionally to throw a curveball in the works.

Overall the experience abroad was great. Being in a vastly more populated country with a much more diverse demographic than the one dimensional lifestyle that prevails here was enormously refreshing. A range of people with their own challenges & from various backgrounds makes for people with a equally broad range of personalities & traits, & I for one always seem to find myself getting on with those who have overcome struggle in their lives, giving them that fired determination. Nothing is more boring to me than a person who hasn’t experienced anything. Or to be more accurate in the modern western world, decided to insulate themselves & minimise the possibility of ever actually taking a risk or feeling anything. How boringly pathetic, but yet symptomatic of today’s western culture.

Imagine if there was an alien invasion or some type of serious war? How many Western countries would manage to get their shit together, or at least avoid being hampered in the defence of their sovereign lands by sympathisers of the enemy?

Anyway, let’s not get into politics. My first notable argument with Venezuelan came via a political conversation this week, where I saw the first signs of childish behaviour. Although I smoothed things over for the sake of staying with her, I left with a bitter taste in my mouth & a reminder of how I should always keep in mind my options should things ever get more serious in the future. I intend to keep all of assets separate with anyone moving forward, & any marriages will be subject to a pre-nuptial. While I must say I doubt Venezuelan would be malicious, one must always prepare for the worst case scenario with women even if initiated by your own actions, such is the potential venom or minimally, emotional unpredictability of women. And that is to say, even if it goes that far.

It is somewhat refreshing to know you are always improving, & I believe one should strive to always do that. Another important factor that has been the difference to before I moved here & being here, is that I have set some goals & achieved them (actually far quicker than I predicted), & from that I set new goals, which in my mind is the only way to ensure constant progression. These have ranged from physical, where despite being older I’m probably in better shape than I was three years ago), financial & creatively.

Those goals have also extended to sex with women from around the world, where I’ve enjoyed fun times with girls from places as varied as Mauritius, Uruguay, Israel & so on – for me, definitely one of the best goals I set myself. Hopefully soon I’ll be adding yet more to that list, despite the utter lack of personality.

Walk with your chest high & never doubt yourself. When you do, remember that’s normal. Take time out. Recompose yourself. Change your environment if you need to. Change those who you surround yourself with, even temporarily. And remember, whatever you feel as a normal man is entirely fine. Testosterone exists within our body for a reason; to prompt us to ensure the human race does not perish. The same reason we defend our countries against those who seek to reduce our liberties & the same reason we work in virtual slavery for those who truly mean something to us. Although we may always & should legitimately choose to change our paths if we don’t feel appreciated or valued by those who claim to say so, there is also value in staying the course.

Do as your heart compels you too, & be proud of the core of who you are, without doubt so easily imposed from outside.

~ Unjaded

Fireball

Winner of the ‘hottest redhead you can find on Google at short notice’ competition… [Photo credit to Jenna Rutter]

I met a friend for the first time in about twenty years this weekend, as part of a larger, somewhat annual trip to attend a family barbecue. The barbecue itself was superb; well prepared, lots of fun with an unconventional mix of otherwise good-hearted people. It was one of those events where you came out feeling better about humankind, with a belief in community & forgetting about all the hate about how terrible the world now is, spewed mostly for clicks & sales.

Meeting Imam was an interesting experience. Fortunately we’d had some contact in the aforementioned twenty year gap, but I was pleased to note his core attributes hadn’t really changed at all. He’d always been a well mannered & respectful person, & this remained. If anything, it had served him very well in his journey; basically discovering a passion for accounting (yes, such people do exist it seems), contending with supporting health issues with his mother, becoming a driving instructor pretty much solely for the money & again planning on going back into accountancy. A fairly solid plan all in all, for a guy who until the age of sixteen was being groomed to become a Muslim imam by his conservative father, & has resisted his attempts by the same to be married off via an arranged marriage. Not that I’m personally against arranged marriage as practically if both parties consent it’s effectively the same as a online dating service. In credit to Imam, he had resisted this as his father was trying to marry him off to an illiterate farmhand from the ‘homeland’ of Pakistan, & he’d refused by way of his own dignity & self respect.

What was very interesting, is that he noted even by way of an arranged marriage, the options presented to him locally were little more than the same those of us using conventional dating would come across; superficiality, consumerist mindset with no real practical skills such as being able to cook or so forth. While I’m not one to demand that a woman include cooking among her skill set, if I can do it so should my partner. Furthermore, I do still believe to this day that if a woman can cook or not is a major pointer as to her suitability for a relationship. Not the only indicator of course, but certainly an important one.

After I’d shared the equivalent of the last twenty years of my life with him, he looked at me a little shocked. I hadn’t pulled any punches as he’s obviously a trustworthy person. He looked at me a little longer before saying, ‘You’ve been through the grinder a bit haven’t you?‘. I thought about it & although I’m always remiss to take up the victim mantel on account of it being so commonplace nowadays, I compared my experiences to his own & had to admit, that except for the loss of his mother & his father’s cold factual approach to dealing with it only days later, he had not came close to experiencing what I had. I had recounted to him the lifestyle I had about three years ago now, where I’d had almost unlimited amounts of money, women & confidence. Then, everything I touched turned to gold. My conversion rate with women was extremely high. Approaching girls was no problem whatsoever. I don’t even remember putting that much effort in. Of course I’d meet girls but as soon as I’d got them into my place, I’d go for it & either back off if they clearly weren’t comfortable or convert if they were, which honestly most of the time they were.

Those days seem very far away now. Now I feel like I’ve been traumatised by something & am always living in fear of something happening. This past week for example, FilipinoHostess went from being very horny to having been crying via a quick bathroom trip. When I’d come back to Venezuelan after catching up with the Imam, she’d mentioned how she’d like to visit me again in the central European state. I scoured the bathroom after I’d smoothed things over with FilipinoHostess that day & dispatched her, only to find absolutely nothing that could have provoked such a reaction. Now all I think about is how if Venezuelan visits, she could see whatever this mysterious unidentifiable indicator is too, & then I have an awful dramatic situation once again. Avoiding that & not having yet another drama to deal with, will be in my eyes a successful weekend. I’ve had enough dramatic episodes for a lifetime.

After arriving for the barbecue the previous day, I had ended up spending two days & one night at home. I’d enjoyed having the whole family there. Everyone together, having fun, no one with serious health problems & no stupid tensions upheld by little more than ego’s pride. In light of people seemingly dropping like flies in the last couple of years, I was content to just have these moments with all the important people in my life around me. As I left with Venezuelan, I admittedly struggled massively, choking down a full set of tears. It was somewhat bizarre given that it had been a fully successful weekend, with no mishaps or underlying bad news. But for whatever reason, as with a lot of things recently, I have been feeling a sense of finality. Every time I’ve been around someone of worth to me recently, if I’ve been leaving them I’ve been feeling as though it’s the last time I’ll see them. It’s quite disconcerting. Is my mind subconsciously preparing me for something?

I saw the first flashes of something I strongly disliked this weekend with Venezuelan. We had been speaking about politics of all things (not usually a good idea). I had instigated it by losing my temper a little, although as she embarrassingly stormed off from the restaurant in response with me trailing behind, it was something I can’t stand. I apologised to keep the peace, but I packed all of my stuff in preparation which didn’t go unnoticed & when I raised that perhaps she could apologise for the way she’d responded, I was met with a incredulous response, which I quickly dodged out of. But although we have officially made up & apparently everything is fine, I haven’t forgotten that. There will no longer be a point in my life where I will tolerate behaviour like that & irrespective of how things pan out with us, I know I always have a choice.

Generally speaking, I feel like I’ve been looking in a lot of places & within a lot of people to find happiness recently. I had thought about two weeks ago I had reached that point, but now I’m not so sure. The way I felt when I’d left home again (that is, my real home) made me realise how I’d missed both the simplicity of my old life & also those people who sooner or later, just aren’t going to be there one day. Perhaps I’ve been looking for answers to questions that I’d only imagined myself, & in fact everything I’d ever really needed was within myself, but just needed to either fixed or satiated, or fixed by being satiated. I desire closeness & love, but am equally terrified of the vulnerability I have to expose in order to feel that. Even the concept of time passing & everyone constantly ageing; weakening, is awful. I now begin to think perhaps a bright life & dying earlier is somewhat merciful, rather than watching everyone you’ve ever loved disappearing one by one.

The Imam had told me some of the stories of some mutual friends also, which was interesting. One that had stuck out in particular was the story of Sonny as he liked to be called, who had aspired to work as a psychotherapist. He’d somewhat achieved his goal before having to get out after burnout. The Imam recounted to me an example of a situation that led him to this, as Sonny sat in front of a man whose son was critically ill & soon to unavoidably die, & who the same man’s wife had died giving birth to this critically ill child. The man sat there, saying how much pain he was in, that perhaps it’d be better if he died too, as he’d ‘failed at this life’ & if there was another life, he could try again. Understandably he was broken.

What can you say to someone like that, in that situation? Life can be brutal.

~ Unjaded