Another holiday season comes to an end & another year of challenges we set ourselves. While looking forward, we sometimes forget to look back, at what we achieved. Indeed, such is the rapidly overpowering nature of the age of instant information & on demand satisfaction, that we stack new goals upon old, irrespective of if those old goals were fulfilled or at least examined retrospectively. As such, we attempt to move further forward upon what can be considered unstable foundations; potentially stumbling & ending up no further when we try to speed forward, when we could be walking forward at a steady pace instead.
All very metaphorically esoteric for some perhaps but like most forms of art, open to your own interpretation. For me, the new year has brought the re-exclamation of waste. Wasted time, wasted energy & a waste of emotions; all of which can be addressed with raw introspection of one’s environment & situation. While I have speculated upon this regularly both here & day to day, the chaos of the deluge under which we labour day to day doesn’t always allow us to observe our own lives, that of more importance than anything else, to the degree of which they should. Without an honest assessment of oneself from time to time (a difficult task regardless of who you are), we can easily lose our way to routine, which leads us in turn to hopelessness. The reason our expectations from life become lower as we get older are contributed to by bad experiences & realisation of how many intangible & tangible resources are required to achieve certain goals. But mainly, from resignation of the spirit. As we feel compelled to acquire the most things, the most money, the most friends; we lose sight of what, who & where, makes us happy.
I have spent two & a half years in a country where while I have had good experiences over that time, from the moment I first arrived I felt something didn’t reverberate well with me. From the stuffy attitudes, through my own mental well being & finally financial reasons, I stayed where I was, collecting money & finding justifications to stay. Beginning a project with what I thought were people with like-minded goals & so the commitment to make their sacrifices to achieve them gave me a solid reason to stay where I was. Even though recent weeks have shown me that only one of those now participating in the project is even close to my expectations of a commitment of that degree, even if it were the case that they all were keeping the project at the forefront of their mind & putting the hours in, one must base themselves in the right environment & locale to maximise the chance of success. If you want to earn money, go to a cash rich bubble country with a favourable exchange rate. Success in tech, realistically requires one to move among other cities which are known or being promoted for the same. Want to succeed as a rock band? Be in a place where there is demand for rock music.
But with anything, there is a price. Some of the most financially & socially stable countries in the world, have some of the highest depression & suicide rates, as the people there convince themselves that living in convenience as our new religion of consumerism advocates, that we are happy. But living statically is not living in happiness. One might occupy oneself with minor activities (in the better cases) or surround oneself with distraction, of which we now have unlimited amounts of. But ultimately the soul is crying out for fulfillment, challenge, exploration, thrill or discovery. The world still has these, in people & places but they can only be realised within oneself through genuine engagement & often, perseverance. Both of which, are unfamiliar concepts to people who know nothing else than everything being immediately available for them, for a small fee.
This year, I am determined to engage myself more with those intangible pleasures in an honest way. I know what I want to achieve & will explore every option to do so.