Appreciation

Jesus Christ *cough* Welcome to Jimena Sanchez from Mexico FOX….

Apologies for the late post; I like to keep a weekly schedule these days but when you’re without a moment to spare for almost the entire duration of your time away from home, the problem is not so much the intermittent internet but more the complete lack of time or privacy to actually write anything.

However one thing I had in abundance these last two weeks was acute experiences, from a variety of perspectives. For the first time in my life, I experienced a taste of what it’s like to be famous & revered somewhat. Of course, this was only a little bit of what established celebrities experience regularly but it was really a surreal experience, particularly as I sit here back in the same seat before any of this happened.

In summary, my musical project took a step up. An endeavour that was intended to advance us in some way to the next level, did so in an entirely unprecedented way, where one could describe it as being throw up a whole flight of steps. A hardcore fan base was made over the course of two weeks in a place where we’d previously been unheard of. Over these two weeks, an insane collage of stress, euphoria, energy & chaos flew by, accompanied by an array of endless faces, hands to be shaken & pictures alongside new found fans.

It reminded me first hand, of how something so small can mean so much to another. I typically take the view of assuming most people are predominantly concerned with others by way of seeing how much they can gain from that person. But I think this is a symptom of my cynicism as much as a form of preemptive defence. While I prefer this instead of getting screwed over constantly from being nice to everyone & being thought of as naive or gullible as a younger man, it does again come down to the application of balance; something many of us only develop with experience. Namely, realising who & when to give what & how.

Being abroad in a country & receiving so much love as a new artist was incredible really. You could see how they really believed in us; how they were looking for something real, rather than the fake, cynical substitutes they have to make do with most of the time instead. To be able to project yourself & your energy onto others & receive the same or more back is an incredible feeling only available to the fortunate few, & something I’m very appreciative of.

Much in the same way as how crowds in our base country were totally unemotive & disconnected from what we were doing onstage due to their apathetic attitudes brought about by total availability & satisfaction, the people were much the same way. Where we toured is a developed country, with some heavily undeveloped areas which bring about a number of challenges. No job is guaranteed & if you don’t work, there’s a far greater possibility you won’t eat. Musicians don’t tend to pass through as often, as they’re not getting vast sums of money promised to them. When they do pass through, you can see it’s often cynical in the same way as a corporation looks at a deprived country as a business opportunity while offering nothing of substantive value in return. They arrive, perform, take their pay packet & disappear back to where they came from without a moment’s more notice. Taking the time to engage with these people who have real challenges in life & listen to them properly is one of the most rewarding activities in life, celebrity or otherwise.

Back here in the worst place you’ve ever been, without purpose one can rapidly feel lost. I can totally understand everyone’s need to make money; it is central to modern day life. But when you’re torturing yourself in an existence you can’t stand & don’t have any meaning beside the accumulation of products or money in your life, you’re gonna have a bad time. Having means without having purpose is akin to having nothing at all.

The culture pervades through the people of the respective countries too. The first day away we arrived in a major city, I found myself having a beautiful, femininely dressed girl, perhaps ten years my junior smiling at me. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn’t imagining it, particularly as I didn’t look particularly good that day. She was superb; a little auburn headed beauty with a sweet but naughty smile. That alone was enough to lift my spirits & return me to a state of remembering how miserable & apathetic I had allowed myself to become because of others. Despite my knowledge of frame, a internally based self esteem & how I shouldn’t allow idiots to affect me, I has allowed the miserable, unfulfilled wasters to seep into my own mentality.

Fortunately the benefit of perspective gained from being away from routine has helped me considerably, & I am back to being myself. I see now that when you have everything available to you (much in the way a woman using a dating app now has endless choices), they become apathetic about everything & in fact, it is nothing to do with you. While I have mastered this part, I have previously paid the price through shutting down & applying a complete approach to everyone. Being close or presumptuously aggressive to everyone by default is as bad as coming across as naive & gullible; the net result of both is negative.

The girls generally don’t smile at me here. I’ve caught a few looking for an extended period of time, but then they look away as though showing interest is a bad thing. The ego takes over as showing interest means showing interest is what they perceive as showing weakness; the “I don’t need you” mentality of modern feminism has become endemic, as people (firstly women, & then men in reaction to that) isolate themselves to interacting with others.

The main thing I realised while away, is that I stay where I do mainly because my life is quite easy here & I can make money that enables me to do what I want to do. I fit in to the extent where I can maintain a low profile while doing what I want to do. I have often considered how it might be if I went elsewhere but while here, I can create a life as I wish. It doesn’t depend upon the locals, what they think of me or anything other than what I wish. Creation of one’s life is entirely within the realm of decision making, providing you take into consideration what cards has dealt you, the process of which requires you to put aside your ego & remember to not allow the negative people among us to shut you down to the extent where you may miss out upon an opportunity to engage with another who exists within that same realm or environment.

The resistance to societies expectations is one stage of self improvement. But true strength comes from being able to apply the correct emotion with enough heart, at the right times to the right people. It sounds easy but it’s not – mainly because you won’t necessarily realise that which you may have missed as a result of not addressing this problem within yourself.

Give appreciation where it’s required to the people who feed it back to you, & watch your life unfold in ways you may never have really envisioned. The rest is just a means to an end.

~ Unjaded

Concentration & Accumulation

Generic Instagram chick of the day – keep an eye out for her sprawled shamelessly over a yacht near you soon.

As is always the way, when you stop caring about the opposite sex & get in touch with one’s self, the energy you accumulate from concentrating on the self emanates outwards & it becomes attractive to others. While recently my main priorities have been Venezuelan, my band’s debut support slot on an arena tour, consolidating my investments & maximising my effectiveness at the gym, I now find myself awash with options.

Too many in fact, both old & new. Right now, I have SPC on her third run after a couple of doubting moments on her side, Tunisian back in touch wanting to ‘come over’ sometime, a bisexual Swiss / Hungarian woman also after the same, a Uruguayan, a Polish high flyer, another Hungarian, an Israeli who likes to play games, a Russian, a South Korean, the old hot Estonian & a young Bosnian girl who wants me to ‘train’ her. It verges on the absurd & I really should cut off the one’s I’ve already had my way with in the interests of time, but the power of having control over all of them gets me off. I play a dangerous game at the best of times, but I should know when to pull the plug. When a girl decides not to talk to you anymore as a result of you ending it, it’s actually a blessing in many ways as you then no longer have to worry about any psycho moments.

Speaking of which, I purged my blocked list yesterday & within an hour the Uzbek Psycho had got back in touch. I quickly remember who that number had belonged to & rectified my mistake. At no point do I want unexpected visits arriving at my house, particularly when Venezuelan is visiting. That can often be somewhat stressful anyway & admittedly is often a concern of mine whenever I invite a girl over to my place. I even refrain from giving them my exact address in case they later reference it to my disadvantage.

I have often said I’ve felt as though I’m reaching the point of ending the hedonistic lifestyle I have maintained for the last few years but that’s usually because of a particular period I have then been experiencing. To think almost two years ago now I was considering remaining long term with someone who resulted in little more than a typical female idiot with big fake breasts. Don’t get me wrong, they were great fun & upon non-nostalgic reflection the other day, I realised I had maintained the facade with her because I liked banging her on a regular basis. Ironically, I taught her everything she knew; raw material I shaped into my own play thing. While I could have considered her emotions more, I was vindicated in my suspicions of her only being surface deep as she quickly worked her way through some more penis. All’s well that ends well however.

With knowledge & some honestly, one will quickly realise the hedonistic lifestyle is unsustainable. Much like a drug addict, one always seeks a harder high. While with women this may not be only pursuing more attractive versions, it can be becoming ever more ruthless with people. Once you get what you want, even if you like the person that’s only going to have a limited shelf life without intimacy. Even long term lovers or friends with benefits will have more to their arrangement than they might even be prepared to admit, because the physical thrill will only last a limited time. I am clear on this more than ever now, for a number of reasons confirmed through readings as well as experiences. Despite having a plethora of women historically & now to choose from, the girl I most desire is Venezuelan, because she is who I easily feel most comfortable to. That she is independently physically hot is a bonus but I know it wouldn’t be the same as it is now without that connection we have. It even manifests itself physically; when I’m finished with a girl to whom I only have a physical attraction & little more than a polite understanding with, when i’m done I’m done. I’m a considerate & even generous lover. But with no other woman except Venezuelan, will I finish & within moments want to do it again. That traverses biology & hasn’t happened to me with anyone else.

I remember reading once about the concept of ‘mini relationships’ when I started my game journey which led me to my self development journey (a far more worthwhile cause). While I have been through my ‘hardcore’ period of telling women what I want & don’t want, this can be a bit hit & miss. To be ambiguous about your level of interest is far more interesting to a woman & far more likely to garner you a wider range of women. It’s worth bearing in mind than the majority of (particular Western based) women in the mating pool allow precedence of the herd mentality over their own deep seated feelings. With the rare exceptions of those who’ve fallen through the net for whatever reason, most women consider peer acceptance as one of their main priorities. And for that reason, they’re generally very uninteresting people & doomed to be perpetually miserable.

To be fair however, this is also common among men & is a people thing, rather than a female thing. I only emphasise the male dating perspective as there are still those who come here for dating advice – something I do specialise in despite all my faults. Men also feel the need to be accepted by others, manifesting itself in ‘acceptable’ arenas such as sports, which replace the boredom that comes from times of peace, more so than ever when we can effectively have nothing to strive for when all of our needs are accounted for by the supermarket or the bank.

The modern age has resulted in this being refined down to the most basic of interactions, where quick exchanges provide a shallow version of the desired result, whether that be peer acceptance or validation of being wanted by someone (read ‘anyone’) of the opposite sex. The well documented failure of the latest worker generation in achieving any happiness of substantial depth tells you everything you need to know about how social interactivity is right now & although this is endemic in the latest generation old enough to participate in society, the normalisation of this means existing, older generations do (at least in part) feel as though they must adapt to these new models of interaction in order to have any success. Much like the proliferation of online dating which has for all intents & purposes become the standard means of dating now instead of the practice of asking someone on a date & which was derided when it first emerged, no one sends a letter when an email will do.

Inversely, those who do make the effort to differentiate themselves from the crowd by using more traditional methods, can find themselves highly valued but critically, only to someone else who might appreciate it. And even then, there’s no guarantee the recipient will discontinue these other methods they are using, such as online dating to ensure a woman gets a regular supply of attentions, validation or cock. Much in the same way it’s said you’ll see the true nature of a man when you give him true power, you’ll see the true nature of a woman when she’s able to flex her vagina to the endless hordes of hungry, undignified, gameless men found online. I have seen & personally experienced this countless times through first hand experience; fortunately always placing myself on the side of he who is not emotionally involved & taking it for what it is. On more than one occasion for example, have I fucked a girl only for her to have come from or about to go on a date. The Ecuadorian women I was seeing had done exactly this, inviting me over for sex prior to a date she was having. As it turned out, she confided in me that she liked this guy she was seeing & thought it was getting serious, as I laid next to her moments after she’d finished me all over her chest. The following week, she texted me to say things with him were ‘getting serious’ & she couldn’t see me anymore as she ‘wanted to give it a try with him’. I even played along, eager to see how far she’d take it if I offered her everything on her terms. I proposed to her that I’d be happy to fuck her whenever she wanted, at her convenience, alongside her seeing her boyfriend. Needless to even say, it wasn’t surprising at all when she agreed to the idea. The temptation of having her cake & eating it, was way too much for her to resist. I didn’t follow through of course, instead focusing my attention elsewhere. We briefly spoke again a few months later & predictably, her attempt at the relationship had died a slow, miserable death.

This sabotage of misery people employ on themselves via the voluntary participation in these processes, decimates their self esteem as the essence of interaction completely goes missing & these experiences become transactionary. This runs through every aspect of what happens between people, even beyond the scope of sexuality that we are discussing here. Colleagues, friends & family are all affected likewise & so we conclude that the epidemic of transactional relationships is unfortunately commonplace now. As such, we have to treat people for what they are & when we speak of ‘game’, we speak indeed of playing the game. Going through the motions & saying the things people want to hear, with only enough of our true selves within each sentence, each touch & each exchange in order to make it appear convincingly authentic, despite this poor substitute not being what anyone really wants.

Should you find that genuine, authentic connection within another in any type of relationship, providing you have experienced & uncomfortably pushed oneself enough to know yourself well, you will recognise it & in the ideal scenario, the other will also be as you.

~ Unjaded

The Battle Of Authenticity

So commonplace now, it’s utterly dull.

It’s often said that your environment can shape you both temporarily & permanently. I believe there is an American saying something along the lines of not living in San Francisco too long or it’ll make you soft, but also not to live in New York for too long, at risk of becoming too hard.

Where I am now is so slow & shit-eatingly politically correct, that it’s making me lazy (by my own standards – I’m seen an incredibly motivated genius here, unemotional to the point of being perceived presumably by others as a narcissist & utterly dull. People here live to societal standards by way of peer evaluation. Status is everything & so that on the surface takes precedence.

And my God, does that make it one of the most boring places I’ve ever been.

Perhaps it’s coming from within myself, as frankly I’ve done so much in my life that by now, very little impresses or motivates me to go out of my way to do anything extravagant. Notably though, I have noted I am reaching the point of total disinterest in women. The only one’s who tend to spark any type of interest in me are Latina or Eastern European women that are either about the same age as me or older, or the extremely rare cases where one would find that bizarre, immense chemical attraction to someone. As I’ve stated before, younger women are either or both of boring or have the attention span of a fly; something I’ve no doubt is a consequence of the newer millennial generation – a term I happily use with condemning abandon. Having been alive for a reasonable amount of time now & in that time, doing more than the average person may have done, I can state unreservedly people became much worse in their general quality. While their general levels of inform have become better, the mass of always available information has made it easier for idiots to be both bred & then further feed whatever belief they have of X, Y or Z. People have always looked for peer support & latched onto anything they can find in order to justify their own beliefs, & with endlessly generated information (regardless of accuracy or source) that is easier than ever.

The end result is a majority of zombified idiots, afraid of upsetting anyone because they’re spending too much time on the internet & think extremists are as prevalent in real life as they seem to be online. If that actually was the case, we’d live in a state of almost total anarchy but of course, we don’t. Unless there is a an active war, even in the most deprived of regions the majority strive to create communities, because in reality most people want the same things; housing, food, stability, reasonable opportunity (such as the means to work fairly) income & the occasional treat such as a holiday. Everything else comes from the ego by way of media & environmental conditioning. Most people have no interest in standing out & most successes or failures can be traced back to either a psychological or environmental event, or a combination of both.

Everything also comes with an cost, sometimes spoke about in economic circles as a opportunity cost. I reside in one of the richest countries in the world, courtesy of it’s self-creation as a tax haven. Yet the cost of living is such that I am poorer here than where I was in my last position. The focus on money verges on the insane; everything is distilled into a commodity. While this has rapidly become a global phenomenon, here it’s unforgivable to have any circumstance where one might have made a reasonable mistake & allow them some leeway. Rules are rules & any divergence from this is punishable.

‘Schizoid personality Disorder’ is a condition which takes numerous forms, one of which is the adaptation of your professional persona & approach into your personal life. The exterior that many of us must maintain in the workplace, particularly the corporate world, is akin to a child barely disguising himself as an adult. People compartmentalise their lives, sometimes as a coping mechanism & resort to well beaten cliches to dig themselves out of a panicking situation, such as being asked an unreasonable question to which it is implied (usually by a superior) they should know the answer to. But every mind has it’s limit, to knowledge as well as tolerance. Controlling your emotions is not suppressing them; it is rather knowing when to release them & to what degree. One can only imagine how many people fantasise about doing something drastic at work such as quitting on the spot or directly telling an irritating superior their true thoughts, but they never do.

With most people’s spare time intentionally filled by nothing more than a variety of distractions & the majority of it being filled with nothing more than the employment they must undertake in order to survive in a capitalist society, their career becomes their main focus. Indeed, one of the very first questions people ask each other upon engaging in small talk is of course ‘what do you do for a living?’. The truth is within the very question; ‘what do you do to ‘live”.

As such, this focus becomes our environment for the majority of our time & changes our personality. Our brains adapt, sometimes against their real will; something we simply cannot deny. While there are some who are content with such an existence (safe, mundane predictability), those who must play a part to receive the economic rewards will pay a price. They will become slowly changed by their environment much in the same way radiation might affect those in a fantasy film. As time passes & youth slowly leaves them, the effects are ever more apparent. The spirit will insist upon it’s own path & the conflict between your actions & your true desires will begin to manifest itself somehow, & the first candidate will always be your personal life.

~ Unjaded

Withdrawal

Random internet girl #3255. Love the eye shadow look…

One would assume the well has run dry for the time being, but further inspection shows a lack of tolerance for time-wasters or women of a lower quality. When you are faced with those of the opposite sex who are convinced for whatever reason, they are indisputable objects of desire & act as such, despite ageing, being full of arrogance & generally unremarkable, one questions what he is putting his dick in against who else has already been there & by extension, where he places himself on the overall sexual scale.

While abundantly in the minority, it is still possible to find younger or less sexually experienced women who are pleasant enough on the service or upon first encounters. But if you’re not prepared to play the Beta game of constant attention giving & pretending the object of your affection is all you desire, while allowing her to absorb as much validation as she desires (the new norm), you will struggle. The talk of how Alpha’s don’t chase is true, but claims that this is the way in which one attracts scores of women is largely bravado. In a world where practically irrespective of your actual sexual value, validation & proclaimed desire is readily available from a number of different outlets, the man who is so aloof he sticks only to informational statements or even vague approval can only play those cards so much. Get the balance wrong & she’ll go elsewhere to ‘top up’, opening the door to others. This is the crux also, of marriages being tainted or failing. The imbalance of the sexes has never been more skewed.

One key aspect of attracting women is the need to differentiate oneself from the herd. If you’re blessed, this could be by way of your incredible physique, famed talent or sparkling personality. But in reality it’s more likely to not be like this, & you’re going to have to build yourself up. As one increases their value by maximising the cards they’ve been dealt in life, they can even reach a point where they’ve maximised the perception of their value so much, they become too much for women to handle. Even on the simple level, walking with genuine confidence will be seen by those who don’t have confidence as arrogance, whereby you’ll be dismissed as such as they prepare their attitude towards you.

Look at how animals are treated by the masses, particularly by women. Cute animals such as dogs, cats & baby seals are preferentially treated better, to the extent where we inconvenience our own lives to feed & care for them, or in the latter case mobilise others to campaign against it. As much as I love baby seals & it pains me to say so, I do understand that culling is sometimes required because of the need to maintain an environmental balance. But the point is, that there will always be preconceptions about you from the very moment another registers your presence. Appear impenetrable in how you have empowered yourself & this comes across strongly in your demeanour, & you will become too complex to control.

The Beta’s of the world prosper because they accept the rules that have been laid down for them. They are happy to gain the attention of a girl by being the one who wins the volume races of compliments or listening to their endlessly dull & repeated conclusions of the world. They accept that the girl they proclaim to have fallen for, is fully aware of his interest & so shelves him while she gets her fill of all the dick on offer. I’ve seen men hold torches for women for entire lifetimes in such a manner.

Men age, & it is apparent. I am under no illusions that I am not the man I was ten years ago. My face shows the lines that tell the hardships I have endured. But it is by no means at a point where it makes any more difference to if a girl finds me attractive or not. In contrast, I have built other aspects of myself to extremely high levels, that theoretically should increase my perceived sexual value. Financial power, physical fitness & so on, only go towards a logical conclusion once I start to question why despite this my results are different, I build aggression towards my surroundings; specifically the women of mating age. The resentment builds & I push myself ever further, because their falsely based value, derived from created ‘achievements’ that are no more than any person should do by default. Being female should not grant you any additional value. Being a decent, functioning person should not grant you any additional value. But thanks for modern day feminism, such things are celebrated as exceptional & the beneficiaries of this attitude begin to believe it. Anyone who is actually making exceptional effort will look at this in disbelief, much in the same way as the victim of rape will from someone throwing around the word ‘rape’ entirely out of context & meaning. The net result, as is the case with me, is that those genuinely pushing themselves to be exceptional & gaining real value, begin to withdraw from these ‘false’ circles & take their own path. Having read or listened to a number of autobiographies, I would propose that many of those who have made great achievements in life, have experienced something similar in concept to that at some point. In short, that they have tried to subscribe to the current framework in which one is expected to prosper at some point & either by way of failure, or success at a cost of dignity, rejected that & decided upon going their own way. But by way of rejecting the existing framework, comes a level of resentment which only serves to further fuel the drive they applied to the previous framework, but with a new level of determination coming from their new found knowledge of their own way, & the drive to prove that right.

I’m fairly sure there isn’t any way of short cutting this. Perhaps in reflection of my own path in women & sex, where I came across additional blogs & articles before immersing myself in it entirety, I ultimately have found a world where I have prioritised my own development & experiences, over the lack of dignity found in attracting women to sleep with me. Frankly speaking, when an overweight, unpleasant, unfeminine woman is for example, stating how she “didn’t like the way I’d spoken to her” after two days of her not replying to me when she’d clearly been on a date the day I’d messaged her & went on to enjoy her weekend. A woman I should point out, who I hadn’t even met, let alone agreed or came close to having even a semblance of any relationship with, making judgements on my choice of phrasing (which I should add was entirely reasonable).

Am I going to tolerate that, as well as her likely dull patter & prioritisation of her inane speculations, simply in order to giving her some of the best sex of her life? Absolutely not; on the simplest level few women have done any better to sexually satisfy me than what I can do to myself. More than ever, I understand why less & less men are willing to entertain the concept of marriage (let alone relationships), turning to genuine prostitution (instead of the pathetic dance that is Instagram models selling themselves) & going entirely their own way.

~ Unjaded

Locale & Confidence

Emily Holland, with in my opinion a superbly maintained body. Literally one of the best I’ve seen.

So here we are in August of 2017; hasn’t time flown since 2014 when I started this blog. A man who was deeply in the throes of female affections, to an almost ridiculous degree. Strangely enough, with the exception of three years to which I’m told by independent sources have made little difference to my demeanour, things have changed quite substantially since then. For one, I feel significantly enlightened since then, which is probably due to a variety of things. I mentioned previously how what had happened to me in that particularly low period had a permanent effect on me. But after some travelling with my merry band of musicians sans Venezuelan, I had a little time to think clearly & evaluate my own behaviour & experiences being in a different country, with solely male friends.

And I came out realising, that a lot of what I feel, is because of where I am. Without again banging on about how where I’m currently located is dire (it is for a man of different tastes), not only have I had bad experiences here, the girls here are literally almost devoid of any type of interactive personality. While I thought it might be the way the world is going with the addiction to social media that seems so prevalent now, a trip to a neighbouring country totally reopened my eyes to why I had such an incredible life before, where I was literally banging different women almost every night. While that has been the case here at times & I certainly don’t have a drought, it has been so much more hard work at times. OK, I lived in the city back in 2014 & now I’m ten minutes train ride out of town in not the most trendy area. But there’s no way it’s going to be because solely because of that. Being abroad again, even during times with Venezuelan, I’ve seen women looking over. Checking me out. Even smiling & giving indicators of interest. Where I reside now, you literally have to be psychic to know if a woman is interested (unquestionably with the natives) & even then, upon approach you’re fighting uphill not from arrogance (although that is occasionally the case) but from a total lack of interactive skills. It’s a tiring business.

I have been offline nowadays, as opposed to the Tinder days of 2014 & even some of 2015. This has been intentional, as it’s indisputable Tinder has become vastly worst as it’s become more popular with both women & men. My last experiences resulted in a couple of catches which were fun at the time but overall it was a totally demoralising experience, as you came to terms with simply put, how shit people are now. The blase attitude of people, along with a clear devolution in communicative ability, ends up with you finding yourself endlessly uninspired, even to the point of abuse or sarcasm, asking questions intentionally to throw a curveball in the works.

Overall the experience abroad was great. Being in a vastly more populated country with a much more diverse demographic than the one dimensional lifestyle that prevails here was enormously refreshing. A range of people with their own challenges & from various backgrounds makes for people with a equally broad range of personalities & traits, & I for one always seem to find myself getting on with those who have overcome struggle in their lives, giving them that fired determination. Nothing is more boring to me than a person who hasn’t experienced anything. Or to be more accurate in the modern western world, decided to insulate themselves & minimise the possibility of ever actually taking a risk or feeling anything. How boringly pathetic, but yet symptomatic of today’s western culture.

Imagine if there was an alien invasion or some type of serious war? How many Western countries would manage to get their shit together, or at least avoid being hampered in the defence of their sovereign lands by sympathisers of the enemy?

Anyway, let’s not get into politics. My first notable argument with Venezuelan came via a political conversation this week, where I saw the first signs of childish behaviour. Although I smoothed things over for the sake of staying with her, I left with a bitter taste in my mouth & a reminder of how I should always keep in mind my options should things ever get more serious in the future. I intend to keep all of assets separate with anyone moving forward, & any marriages will be subject to a pre-nuptial. While I must say I doubt Venezuelan would be malicious, one must always prepare for the worst case scenario with women even if initiated by your own actions, such is the potential venom or minimally, emotional unpredictability of women. And that is to say, even if it goes that far.

It is somewhat refreshing to know you are always improving, & I believe one should strive to always do that. Another important factor that has been the difference to before I moved here & being here, is that I have set some goals & achieved them (actually far quicker than I predicted), & from that I set new goals, which in my mind is the only way to ensure constant progression. These have ranged from physical, where despite being older I’m probably in better shape than I was three years ago), financial & creatively.

Those goals have also extended to sex with women from around the world, where I’ve enjoyed fun times with girls from places as varied as Mauritius, Uruguay, Israel & so on – for me, definitely one of the best goals I set myself. Hopefully soon I’ll be adding yet more to that list, despite the utter lack of personality.

Walk with your chest high & never doubt yourself. When you do, remember that’s normal. Take time out. Recompose yourself. Change your environment if you need to. Change those who you surround yourself with, even temporarily. And remember, whatever you feel as a normal man is entirely fine. Testosterone exists within our body for a reason; to prompt us to ensure the human race does not perish. The same reason we defend our countries against those who seek to reduce our liberties & the same reason we work in virtual slavery for those who truly mean something to us. Although we may always & should legitimately choose to change our paths if we don’t feel appreciated or valued by those who claim to say so, there is also value in staying the course.

Do as your heart compels you too, & be proud of the core of who you are, without doubt so easily imposed from outside.

~ Unjaded

Fireball

Winner of the ‘hottest redhead you can find on Google at short notice’ competition… [Photo credit to Jenna Rutter]

I met a friend for the first time in about twenty years this weekend, as part of a larger, somewhat annual trip to attend a family barbecue. The barbecue itself was superb; well prepared, lots of fun with an unconventional mix of otherwise good-hearted people. It was one of those events where you came out feeling better about humankind, with a belief in community & forgetting about all the hate about how terrible the world now is, spewed mostly for clicks & sales.

Meeting Imam was an interesting experience. Fortunately we’d had some contact in the aforementioned twenty year gap, but I was pleased to note his core attributes hadn’t really changed at all. He’d always been a well mannered & respectful person, & this remained. If anything, it had served him very well in his journey; basically discovering a passion for accounting (yes, such people do exist it seems), contending with supporting health issues with his mother, becoming a driving instructor pretty much solely for the money & again planning on going back into accountancy. A fairly solid plan all in all, for a guy who until the age of sixteen was being groomed to become a Muslim imam by his conservative father, & has resisted his attempts by the same to be married off via an arranged marriage. Not that I’m personally against arranged marriage as practically if both parties consent it’s effectively the same as a online dating service. In credit to Imam, he had resisted this as his father was trying to marry him off to an illiterate farmhand from the ‘homeland’ of Pakistan, & he’d refused by way of his own dignity & self respect.

What was very interesting, is that he noted even by way of an arranged marriage, the options presented to him locally were little more than the same those of us using conventional dating would come across; superficiality, consumerist mindset with no real practical skills such as being able to cook or so forth. While I’m not one to demand that a woman include cooking among her skill set, if I can do it so should my partner. Furthermore, I do still believe to this day that if a woman can cook or not is a major pointer as to her suitability for a relationship. Not the only indicator of course, but certainly an important one.

After I’d shared the equivalent of the last twenty years of my life with him, he looked at me a little shocked. I hadn’t pulled any punches as he’s obviously a trustworthy person. He looked at me a little longer before saying, ‘You’ve been through the grinder a bit haven’t you?‘. I thought about it & although I’m always remiss to take up the victim mantel on account of it being so commonplace nowadays, I compared my experiences to his own & had to admit, that except for the loss of his mother & his father’s cold factual approach to dealing with it only days later, he had not came close to experiencing what I had. I had recounted to him the lifestyle I had about three years ago now, where I’d had almost unlimited amounts of money, women & confidence. Then, everything I touched turned to gold. My conversion rate with women was extremely high. Approaching girls was no problem whatsoever. I don’t even remember putting that much effort in. Of course I’d meet girls but as soon as I’d got them into my place, I’d go for it & either back off if they clearly weren’t comfortable or convert if they were, which honestly most of the time they were.

Those days seem very far away now. Now I feel like I’ve been traumatised by something & am always living in fear of something happening. This past week for example, FilipinoHostess went from being very horny to having been crying via a quick bathroom trip. When I’d come back to Venezuelan after catching up with the Imam, she’d mentioned how she’d like to visit me again in the central European state. I scoured the bathroom after I’d smoothed things over with FilipinoHostess that day & dispatched her, only to find absolutely nothing that could have provoked such a reaction. Now all I think about is how if Venezuelan visits, she could see whatever this mysterious unidentifiable indicator is too, & then I have an awful dramatic situation once again. Avoiding that & not having yet another drama to deal with, will be in my eyes a successful weekend. I’ve had enough dramatic episodes for a lifetime.

After arriving for the barbecue the previous day, I had ended up spending two days & one night at home. I’d enjoyed having the whole family there. Everyone together, having fun, no one with serious health problems & no stupid tensions upheld by little more than ego’s pride. In light of people seemingly dropping like flies in the last couple of years, I was content to just have these moments with all the important people in my life around me. As I left with Venezuelan, I admittedly struggled massively, choking down a full set of tears. It was somewhat bizarre given that it had been a fully successful weekend, with no mishaps or underlying bad news. But for whatever reason, as with a lot of things recently, I have been feeling a sense of finality. Every time I’ve been around someone of worth to me recently, if I’ve been leaving them I’ve been feeling as though it’s the last time I’ll see them. It’s quite disconcerting. Is my mind subconsciously preparing me for something?

I saw the first flashes of something I strongly disliked this weekend with Venezuelan. We had been speaking about politics of all things (not usually a good idea). I had instigated it by losing my temper a little, although as she embarrassingly stormed off from the restaurant in response with me trailing behind, it was something I can’t stand. I apologised to keep the peace, but I packed all of my stuff in preparation which didn’t go unnoticed & when I raised that perhaps she could apologise for the way she’d responded, I was met with a incredulous response, which I quickly dodged out of. But although we have officially made up & apparently everything is fine, I haven’t forgotten that. There will no longer be a point in my life where I will tolerate behaviour like that & irrespective of how things pan out with us, I know I always have a choice.

Generally speaking, I feel like I’ve been looking in a lot of places & within a lot of people to find happiness recently. I had thought about two weeks ago I had reached that point, but now I’m not so sure. The way I felt when I’d left home again (that is, my real home) made me realise how I’d missed both the simplicity of my old life & also those people who sooner or later, just aren’t going to be there one day. Perhaps I’ve been looking for answers to questions that I’d only imagined myself, & in fact everything I’d ever really needed was within myself, but just needed to either fixed or satiated, or fixed by being satiated. I desire closeness & love, but am equally terrified of the vulnerability I have to expose in order to feel that. Even the concept of time passing & everyone constantly ageing; weakening, is awful. I now begin to think perhaps a bright life & dying earlier is somewhat merciful, rather than watching everyone you’ve ever loved disappearing one by one.

The Imam had told me some of the stories of some mutual friends also, which was interesting. One that had stuck out in particular was the story of Sonny as he liked to be called, who had aspired to work as a psychotherapist. He’d somewhat achieved his goal before having to get out after burnout. The Imam recounted to me an example of a situation that led him to this, as Sonny sat in front of a man whose son was critically ill & soon to unavoidably die, & who the same man’s wife had died giving birth to this critically ill child. The man sat there, saying how much pain he was in, that perhaps it’d be better if he died too, as he’d ‘failed at this life’ & if there was another life, he could try again. Understandably he was broken.

What can you say to someone like that, in that situation? Life can be brutal.

~ Unjaded

Dogma

Random internet woman, demonstrates standard army issue wear circa 2017.

We only have complete control over ourselves. The man who allows jealousy for example, to drive him into a insane state where he believes his isolated emotions will have any effect upon the woman upon whom it regards. Simply speaking, a woman (or fairly speaking, a man also) will do as they wish, as their own feelings will take priority over any empathy of another. This is the case more so than ever now, where all the emphasis is about lying, about how you have such a rich, varied, wonderful lifestyle without fault or struggle.

I often consider a lot during a typical day, which consequently results in me busying myself with either a constructive activity or when those have been satisfied, chasing women around with the intention of getting them into bed. Or on a sofa. Or on top of a table. And so on.

The sex itself is as good as ever. I can’t deny there’s nothing better for me than banging either a woman with whom I have chemistry with, one who is clearly experienced or (on the frankly lowest level) one who is incredibly hot. The newer Ukrainian for example, has the kind of body & style which literally turns heads in the street, as I noted during our evening together the other evening. Contrary to what I said about her attitude which has been at times somewhat unpredictable, I actually had a very nice evening with her, with the additional bonus of seeing her strip her incredible body down to her bikini. Rather than my usual thing of getting through the number of dates as quickly as possible, to make inviting them to my place satisfy some sort of numeric psychology condition, I actually enjoyed getting to know someone who clearly has a lot of life experience. Admittedly, more than mine. I still don’t even know how old she is but as usual, couldn’t really care less.

Aside from that, I’ve had a couple of twenty four hour plus replies to messages, after which I followed my normal protocol of deleting their numbers. Knowing myself as a man of high value, I don’t tolerate disrespect from anyone.

This week, tonight is my only night off of meeting anyone, & that has only transpired when the Ecuadorian from days past who I’d proposed to come over to relight our old fire, then cancelled on me. In hindsight, that was good as I’m absolutely shattered. I feel as though I’m going through a phase of preparing a lot of women, but not converting a lot. It does point somewhat towards boring rather than lust, but I can only do what I can do. Particularly for my age but as well as generally, I am a high energy person. But everything is finite, whoever you are, & I often look forward to a quiet Sunday, all by myself. Right now, the energy I’m spending seems to be on the ‘romancing’ phase, with little payoff. In fact, off the top of my head I think I’ve only been with one new woman in the past month, which is very poor compared to my previous track record. Then again, my stable has gone through trimming of my own accord, with only SPC being currently who I have, who fulfils all of those above criteria & honestly, who I feel any incentive to put continuing effort into. I could get descriptive here but the last time we met, she was ‘unable’ to do everything, which resulted in an incredibly hot situation anyway. That was hot.

The Tunisian was the last one of my various conquests with whom I had excellent chemistry. She would come again & again, & do everything she could to satisfy me. That came to it’s natural end however, when she professed her love for me, which I think was infatuation more than anything else. Then on the other hand, you have women with who, there isn’t really any chemistry at all. I do find it one of the most unquantifiable elements in dating & relationships. There is a lot to be said for a man maintaining frame in day to day activities & particularly in a relationship, in order to keep a woman’s respect & attention, in much the same way all women used to & a few women in a few culture still do. Remember how nice it is when you still meet a woman who conducts herself with femininity & self respect without being obnoxious or arrogant? Believe it or not, that was once the standard among women, rather than the self obsessed, de facto prostitutes that slowly infect the remainder of respectable women out there.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t hate women. Far from it in fact. I’ve also mentioned on several occasions throughout this blog, that men, although commonly discriminated against today in the name of reverse discrimination, often are the cause or at least, contributing to the same for the way things are. But some women & it must be said, the radical feminists who have corrupted what was once a doctrine for equality, are nothing more than a cancer which has infected some to the point of, not even allowing others to express a view that may incline them to question or improve their own.

A belief without questioning or testing becomes a dogma. If people are not allowed to express, discuss or compromise over differing viewpoints, they will escalate to means that will be taken note of.

~ Unjaded