A Perpetual State Of Emotional Unrest

Valeria Orsini; A hot Colombian girl, born & raised in the USA? Betas beware…

With the exception of my main meals, I’ve eased up on my dietary rules for the time being. Given that the holiday season is nearly upon us, realistically it’s as good a time as ever to relax the self imposed rules on diet & let the body rest a little. I’m still training & do in fact feel better than ever. Lighter on my feet, more explosive & full of energy. I’ve restructured my supplementation & it seems to have worked for the time being. Although possibly quite graphic, I’ve discovered the condition of your faeces & libido are generally good indicators of your overall health. While I’ve only once had an issue getting it up with a girl (strangely, her natural odour just totally put me off for some reason), finishing with girls was as little as within the last two weeks, an issue for me. They’re busting left, right & centre, while I try everything in the book to get off.

Thankfully that has stopped being a problem in the last week, where I’ve been like a loaded shotgun in the hands of a wild monkey, ready to blow over any & all contenders. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it’s been a lot of fun either; really getting back into sex. I’ve sometimes felt a little obligated after seducing a woman to give her a certain time period of faux commitment; a period where if it hasn’t been very good in the beginning that I give it a little chance. But nowadays I simply remain on good terms with them & let nature do it’s work. Any large breaks, such as the two weeks or so over the holiday period where I won’t see anyone, are a great opportunity to clear the decks & start afresh. I think deep down, a lot of these girls know what they’re getting themselves into & don’t question too much. They do their own thing & so do I. But my own thing involves a triumvirate of pillars supporting me in the event of them losing interest. The first being a wide selection of other available women, the second being a strong long term contender & the third being the work that goes into my personal aspirations & goals. Even if the most closely correlated of those two collapse (numerous female options & the strong long term contender), I still have the third. If all three collapse, I have a reserve option of getting the hell out of Dodge & simply reverting to a long held idea of migrating elsewhere & effectively resetting; an approach which has served old friends well.

It all comes down to being a multi-faceted person, general awareness & in the case of women, just playing them at their own game. Shit tests don’t bother me in the slightest. If while we converse over text, you’re stating how you’re looking for a ‘long term partner’ who ‘will accept me for what I am’, I know it’s just to feel out how gullible I am. No one with any level of intelligence is going to outright state that near thr beginning of initial conversations.

Knowing full well I don’t speak the local language, statements like ‘we are in X, we should speak Y’, I know are only again meant as a way of you seeing how much of a mug I am. One might think you’d be disappointed if I said I don’t speak Y, but I’m not going to go & learn an entire language for you. If I rebuke you, you’ll probably respect it deep down. But I’m nice, so I deflect your pointless statement with humour. But I feel my enthusiasm & the attraction drop, because it’s just utterly pointless for both of us.

When you mention to me we could ‘maybe’ meet in a month’s time, do you not think I know that means you’re fucking someone? And remember, I don’t take these things in isolation, because I’m not of the typical, attention deficient generation. I’m building up a whole picture of you, & all in all, your disinterested attitude tells me you’re jaded beyond belief, servicing your sexual needs with someone who you think is good, but ultimately just grinds away on you as though it’s an endurance exercise because one of every ten strokes hit your g-spot. And like most of your peers, if you sleep with me, suddenly a whole new universe opens up & you realise what being with a man who knows the brain is the biggest sexual organ is like.

But because you think I’m an idiot who has nothing to do with my life except chase girls around, you think I’ll play along. In reality, I’ve got a lot going on. If I wasn’t working on what I’m doing now, I’d be working on something else. I simply don’t care for your boring, small minded games, that are predominantly based upon a depreciating asset; your looks, because I’ve got better things & people to do, than you.

No matter how likes, messages, retweets or whatever the fuck else you get online, no matter what they say & however you try to coax them into it or delude yourself into believing it, they only want to fuck you & if you fuck them, it’s very unlikely to be as good as it is with me, or those few that share the path of self discovery & self improvement with me in this world. You sell yourself on a single premise, you receive what you advertise & nothing more. You’re used, discarded & never know the true joys of unfiltered intimacy in the form of love or sex & then become bitter. This bitterness underlies your every interaction & can be seen by the perceptive as soon as we go beyond the surface. It is a self fulfilling prophecy made of your own hand.

The facts are, that the majority of women I meet are, can be pleasant & decent people, aren’t very interesting. It’s almost as though they’ve been brainwashed into attempting to achieve something very difficult; to have someone love them & that this will solve everything in their lives.

But it’s the same story again, as I mentioned in my last post; an entire industry consumer industry is built around women who are in a perpetual state of emotional unrest. For every “it just happened” one night stand, for every “it’s complicated” but you want more fuckbuddy apparent conundrum, for every marriage & every broken heart, there’s a theme, a road to recovery & a fucking economy based around your buy in.

Do prominent feminists or any political ideologists follow the path of famous Youtubers or bands, & produce a range of merchandise for their followers? An entertainer provides a intangible & nowadays perhaps even free resource that brings something intangibly beneficial to people’s lives & so is entitled to provide an option for those same people to support him or her. It’s optional & while they will receive a profitable margin, it’s your choice. I don’t write this blog for money; if I intended to, I have chosen the wrong subject for a start & would have joined the trend of writing inflammatorily titled articles for Return Of Kings under my pseudonym to hive off the hits. But while I have great respect for what my friend Roosh V has done in raising awareness of men’s causes over these last years (truly a momentous & praiseworthy achievement, even if he stopped outright tomorrow), I don’t agree with the way that site went after he stopped personally administrating it. While his personal site is for me now publishing some of his best ever work, not submitting articles with titles such as ‘Why Your Girlfriend Is A Whore’ or ‘Ten Ways To Not Get Accused Of Rape’ worked against me. It’s improved a bit recently but frankly my opinion is articles like that are either sensationalized or considerably embellished for the prospective hits. Entertaining perhaps, but with a question mark over how much of that has been really lived, rather than created. I’d rather be honest, tell my story & let the reader see the evolution (or devolution, should you see it like that) of a real person, week to week, year to year. I do it firstly for myself, which should be the main reason why one does anything.

If any doctrine, manifesto, product, information or person is proposed or promoted to you, look at who, why & what their motivations are. Don’t see only the parts you want to see to satisfy your ego. Accept the full picture & live in the real world. You have the potential to take full advantage if you do.

~ Unjaded

The State Of Play

Jocelyn Chew; attractive, yet useless. Do yourself a favour & don’t follow her or any of these Instagram models. They won’t even notice.

It’s been a long while since I spoke about which women I’m seeing, banging, how & what’s happening. I would probably attribute this to them now being the most boring part of my life. Since I last wrote on this subject without tailing off into a philosophical thread, I have abandoned the nuclear wasteland of dating known as Tinder, not missed it at all & more recently, considered reinstalling it again. I found it a big time sink not just because of it’s design but the nature of the people on there.

In the meantime however, there has always been someone in the picture. SPC has finally got into the swing of being a low hour fuckbuddy now albeit with plenty of affection between us. That affection manifested itself as a request to meet me in the music room over lunch where I rehearse. That ended with her jacking me off in the middle of the room.

The BalletDancer finally disappeared. I had occasionally thought about contacting her again but her grandmother died & I think it hit her pretty hard, so I didn’t want to get her hopes up again. We’re still on good terms but don’t speak anymore.

I was seeing a redheaded Tunisian at the beginning of the year with whom I shared incredible chemistry with. A combination of holidays led to our regular thing falling apart, topped off with professions of love which was where I drew the line. A few months & some bad sex (I deduced) later, I get a call to step in & remind her how it is to be fucked well. Add her to the reserve list, as I haven’t got time to be doing repeat performances with all the girls out there.

You can add the older Ukrainian to that list too. While a highly commendable person of good character, any chemistry we had was fueled by my experience & skill, with not much to stick around for in light of other options. I took her to heights she’d never been before; to me it was a novelty but I had never expected it to last.

The older but mega hot Estonian woman & the younger Kosovan fell into the same trap; initial meetings very good but then both stopped putting any effort in whatsoever. I simply can’t be bothered with women who don’t initiate anything, even the slightest conversation. The Estonian does from time to time but has already started talking about how well we get on, she wouldn’t want sex to ruin that & the usual range of tragically lonely shit. So I leave her to it & only chase up when other options are falling through.

The older married Israeli woman who I banged once & jacked off in her office once started giving all the “let’s be friends” rubbish until I stopped giving a shit. She even sent me a list of people she thought would only be up for a fucking. In the end, only one was worthy of consideration & despite having to negotiate my way through all the usual shit testing & horseshit about how she’s “looking for something serious”, it is was clear from our one hour coffee she wanted to fuck me. Once she finally comes around for the tea I proposed, I’m confident I’ll seal the deal. On news of this perspective fucking, as well as a few dodges of her fishing for compliments, suddenly she was predictably proposing how we could “start seeing each other again”. I’m feeding her enough enthusiasm to keep her interested but always looking for more, as she does have a giant pair of breasts I’d like to play with more, but she’ll probably change her mind by next week.

A Uruguayan I’d been maneuvering around trying to manipulate me into a relationship, has ended up very well, with an array of excellent sex sessions. She pulled the “threaten to not see each other again unless we classify it as something more serious” card on me, a couple of days after I’d remarked how hot her finishing me during our last session was. Presumably feeling emboldened by this, she played her gambit, to which I of course played the reliable ” I’m very busy with a few things right now, so perhaps it’s better we’re just friends instead then” card & following a few predictable barbs, that was that. Cue the next day, where she basically entirely reversed her position & proposed us fucking again. I made her wait a little bit & then off we went again; a good regular option.

A married Swiss gym instructor who hadn’t slept with her husband for a year & declares herself to be a lesbian, often comes around after her shift. She has an excellent body & seems to like me. Her main incentive card is trying to get another woman for me & her to fuck. The idea of that has actually (in line with women generally) a lot less interesting for me. But of course I wouldn’t say no, so I can cross off that experience.

A cute little & relatively innocent Hungarian girl, who to be fair would make a good girlfriend & was angling for a relationship, kinda accepted I wasn’t up for one with her & was about to call it quits, until some dexterous texting pulled a continuation out of the bag. Some “heavy petting” (me jacking her off twice) in front of a roaring fire with a strong soundtrack later, & it’s safe to say she’s already happy to carry on as we are, for more of the same or better.

There’s another bored middle aged German & another Swiss who I’ll test the waters with but it’ll be a low effort endeavor for both. If sex is to be commoditised, we all need to be realistic about our exchange rates of their overall attractiveness against units of my effort.

The cream of the crop, with the exception of Venezuelan with whom things are going well, is with another Hungarian, who has an excellent body, red hair (always a weakness of mine) & beautiful blue eyes. She’s also someone who doesn’t tolerate well the useless, social media based fools who infect our society, which is always a plus point in my book. She’s a little beauty who I’d love to have some fun with, particularly as she’s seemingly not an idiot – a rarity among humanity overall these days.

~ Unjaded

Return On Investment

The world exists in the state it does, thanks to the ordinary heroes we never hear about. Construction worker, engineer or else; social media isn’t going to save you when these guys have enough.

It’s said the way you see the true nature of a man is by giving him power. I would propose many of today’s politicians have come through a ego driven environment, where words & status are the most valued aspects, rather than any sort of real action. The very nature of democracy does in some ways inhibit the ability to decisively impose change upon a society. As I alluded to in my previous post, division or indifference are the biggest enemies of the people. Any type of unity is a threat to those who unite to impose change in a mutually beneficial arrangement. There are more of us than there are of them, but without any type of counter force, when everyone who shows interest is going to make money, no one is going to say no out of principle concern for others.

Boundaries are always tested & will change if they are unchecked. Personal or societal, we see it in media, life & personally. I for example, didn’t go from being practically unable to speak to girls, to getting them to come over & fuck me for a couple of hours each week. It was a process, in which over time boundaries were tested & stretched again & again. Particularly up until 2014 but also beyond, insofar as women went, I simply didn’t care. If they would do what I wanted them to do & fulfill a role, then I would take them up on it & the new order was established. Everything else would be judged upon that new baseline.

Society has been much the same. We went from fight scenes in films being of old fashioned fisticuffs being the normal level of violent confrontation, to being graphically disemboweled in glorious high definition. In the case of the former, someone dying was a greatly significant event; often the pinnacle of the narrative upon which the rest was built. But now, generic masses are slaughtered in a variety of ways. This can still be entertaining, as the nature of cinema & film overall, is to provide fantastic escapism. But that is only part of it, with a limited range of possibility. Some may argue that technological advancements increased the range of possibilities available, which is true – practically anything can be recreated in film in our modern age. But these fantastic realities are seen as the points of a shape which used to be a circle, with the points of the shape being pulled ever further outward. The number of genres upon which our example of film has been distilled into is debatable but whatever it is, those that remain now only look to push their boundaries further – the action films look to have bigger & better special effects, the art-house films look to introduce or push further taboos, & so on. The net result is the overall body of that sphere (of art, in this example) doesn’t get fed. It becomes over analysed, as marketing departments try to isolate the elements that will provide maximum return on investment & interfere with the purity of creativity.

An example is the old Hollywood epics that were produced around the 1970’s. While these were grand beyond compare at the time & could feasibly also be accused at least in part of doing little more than pushing the boundaries of grandeur, these productions still stayed within the limits of normal humanity. There are rarely instances where a hundred thousand people would be united in baying for the victory / blood of fictional protagonists, but that the hundred thousand people depicted in the production were actually there, gave the intangible feeling of immersion. Yes this was likely to be something rare to the viewer, but it was entirely possible & so roused something primeval in the watcher. Even through the lens of film, people could feel that intangible energy emanating from such an enormous gathering of people in one place. It had true power.

Now, that crowd would almost certainly be animated. The idea would be that while obviously a cost saving measure, animating a much larger crowd would stir a similar reaction from watchers, but it’s fake. It doesn’t inspire the same reaction; the one that reverberates within us when we see something real & relatable, epic or otherwise.

This happens in all the spheres of life & society, through different mechanisms which I’ll spare your eyes & my fingers the energy of going through, but ultimately it’s about normalising apathy. “They’re politicians, what do you expect / there’s nothing we can do” is the most destructive thing anyone can do. The constant redefinition of boundaries & what is acceptable seeps into the minds of newer generations, who unless they actively & independently educate themselves, have never known anything different. They become numb to reality & life. Everything follows the pattern of apathetic maximum return of investment, to which people have become accustomed & simplification is only employed when something or someone does not need to be sold to someone else. Everything is viewed as what return it will bring to someone, irrespective of any impact or lack of effect it will have upon it’s target.

Look at any celebrity. If there is a school shooting, in the vast majority of cases they’ll release a social media post, normally along the lines of ‘our prayers are with you’ or some other horseshit. Even in the incredibly unlikely event they do pray & do mention the afflicted, who the fuck are ‘our’ in the ‘our prayers’ & what tangible effect is it having? Donate some fucking money, get your sorry ass down to ground zero or shut the fuck up, because your token post is only offensive to the people who regularly & unfortunately always have to pick up the pieces; the local community. It really is disgustingly offensive how these celebrities offer their condolences from their ivory towers that were built by the very same people who they now patronise. It’s nothing more than a PR activity of them hedging their bets against a possible public outcry that they didn’t acknowledge it & their own image is tarnished. How disgustingly cynical.

What’s worse is because these boundaries are constantly being tested, you have idiots who are defending politicians, corporations & media figures, for what I can see for no reason other than stupidity. The only reason this world doesn’t fall into total disarray is because most people revert to their internal moral compass when faced with a common, external threat. But you now have people expressing views without any foundational information, condemning others universally by way of a category they’ve been prescribed by someone, often someone who has had absolutely no interaction with the receiver.

Isn’t it a sad state of affairs when an adult man can no longer enjoy the company of children without at least a suspicious eye being occasionally cast in his direction, because of a few outlier extremists who had abused children; a situation incidentally that had also periodically happened at the hands of women too but rarely given the same level of exposure. That there are people who by default, accuse the male gender of all being rapists by default – an insult to anyone who has undergone a rape & of course, most frequently employed by armchair, middle class, white women who’ve probably never done a real job in their life, nor experienced genuine discrimination or hardship.

Isn’t it pathetic, that I have to endure a girl, barely in her twenties, astonishingly believing she needs to ‘educate’ me on how the patriarchy is dominating her & how I should change my behaviour because of my oppressive privilege, yet has never left the comfort of being surrounded by equally deluded people? A girl whose ideas & doctrine have almost exclusively come from behind a keyboard, attempting to educate a man who has traveled the world, been to places where people struggle to eat, experienced crippling debt, vast sums of disposable income, euphoric emotional & sexual highs, been within days of killing oneself, & lived at both ends of a number of spectrums, condemning me as X, Y or Z, because of little more than her idiocy believing what others who would not be relevant or have a career without feminism told her is happening? When under scrutiny, almost all evidence in practically every area of accusation points to male discrimination.

I apologise for nothing. I will not change my behaviour for anyone. I will not accept what is so patently untrue, ever.

~ Unjaded

Division

Here’s another useless idiot contributing nothing to society…ah sorry, I mean ‘Here is Melanie Iglesias for your viewing pleasure…’

One thing I’ve noticed about dating women as you get older, is how you have to change your approach somewhat because women have decided they want to entrap men. This, is rapidly becoming the main reason why I’m considering getting out of the game altogether. It’s so boring listening to used up or broken husks, trying to manipulate you into a situation which resembles a relationship. There seems to be a big misunderstanding that just because you’ve decided you want a relationship, your pussy isn’t going to be enough to persuade Unjaded of all people to parade around with you at various pointless social events & within pictures, putting at risk what I’ve accumulated up until this point & giving up all my freedom. Simon ‘self esteemless’ Nofriends whose barely had a sniff of it his whole life might fall for that shit, but I’ve seen what some of these fuckers are capable; the spite will drive a man into the ground until he is utterly ruined, while she will drink down the spoils of half of what he used to own.

Of course I don’t proclaim that all women are like this, nor that it comes from their nature. It may be part of their nature but only in the same way by way of his higher testosterone any man is capable of being violent.

No, now I’m at the point where I think that while there are women who because of trauma or revenge wish to destroy men, I also believe that there are interested parties who have a view on infiltrating & influencing groups to the point of extremes. This can be on a malicious level, where those with means implant people who actively look to raise their rank within that group & then control the direction of the group, to unchecked majority discrimination which is highly active. While we hear endlessly about how women should be afforded equal rights in any area deemed to be attractive (you don’t see many feminists campaigning for equal representation to work in sewerage maintenance for example), you don’t see anyone trying to change the massively outweighed representation of gays & women in the media. To the point where someone with a qualified background will not be hired, unless they see that they can be controlled or manipulated somehow – the emasculated men. Look at what I believe to be AskMen.com, whose editor (a man, of course; although that is stretching the definition of that term considerably) is someone who a feminist website retracted his comments, because he fully advocated men dying of cancer.

That is what we, as men are up against now. Total disdain for everything men have done & continue to do to make this world function. The occasions of which one could either simply reverse the gender of a phrase after which it would be universally condemned, or where women or homosexuals totally dominate certain influential sectors with nothing being said at all, are now countless. The only things that work in men’s favour are somewhat ironically, the feminists showing themselves to be tiresome & without a tangible endgame. In reality, most people are quite reasonable & those who do support these entirely unrealistic feminist proposals do so more for attention or because of some underlying mental issues.

All of this however, brings us back to the initial point; the valuation of the vagina. Even if all of the above is of no direct consequence or interest to you, which could be an entirely realistic scenario given that most ‘active’ feminists are tucked safely behind their keyboards in highly developed countries while their kin get slaughtered, raped & enslaved in countries where feminism is clearly lacking, the furore of it all trickles down, because one thing that is common among humans & particularly among females is the need for acceptance. The ideas that are circulated at length by the keyboard warriors succumb either to a huge media explosion after a company is accused of something that in all likelihood isn’t that big a deal but validates whatever it is by apologising for it, or it becomes viral (among women) over the hive mind… sorry, I meant social media of which who are the biggest users? Women of course!

At the end, some of you understandably will have never seen the way things used to be. When men were respected. And it’s the constant battering & discrimination by extremists that make men feel embarrassed to enjoy life. Contrary to what an increasing number of women seem to think, men are fathers, sons, children, creators, saviors & carers too. Yes, some men are bad. Some people are bad. That is something irrespective of gender. This is not a man vs woman thing, in much the same way it’s not an Islam vs Christianity thing, a capitalism vs communism thing or a black vs white thing. This is all a means to control everyone, through fear, debt, hate & irrationality. If you want to make the world a better place, look after every good person in your community & treat as required, the one’s who widely resist against the common good. Every division makes everyone weaker.

~ Unjaded

The Dance

Ola Jordan, beneficiary of good genetics & dancing an entire lifetime

Another body leaves the room, the ceremony completed. The dances have been performed & either rejected or accepted. Practice makes perfect & I am master. Sometimes I change the steps just to see what happens; before long you know who likes which steps & how, & then they like you enough to pretend to allow you, what they wanted all along anyway. I sit back, as though nothing has even happened aside from all it is to me, the primal need satisfied. I resume what I was doing before she arrived, as though it was as formulaic as getting up to make a cup of tea. The boundaries of long ago simply no longer exist. It is not that they are blurred or I have lost track of where they should be – they are long gone. It’s simply a process.

Anything will lose it’s allure when the journey to obtain it becomes so well known, that is no longer stimulates. The end of stimulation is the beginning of stagnation, & satisfaction is the death of desire. We exist to experience & take the road to what seems unobtainable, but providing we have within us enough to persevere, we will always achieve at least some success. There may be consequences or failure along the way, but stay the path & you can experience all that you want. And once there, we indulge. And then we assimilate & it all becomes normal, before we no longer feel what we expected it to be.

A beautiful girl, totally captivated with me, a body made as though it were sculpted, giving me free license to do as I wish. Recklessly throwing caution to the window, attempting to accost me in unsuitable locations where word to her husband could easily get back to him. The moral implications, nothing to me. I think not of any duty to people I don’t know. While it’s true only the innate decency of most people prevents the world totally collapsing into anarchy, I care not for those who should be able to look after themselves. The men whose wives want it all, are not my concern. She is married. She has license from him to roam. The criteria is women only. She has endless volunteers, a plethora to choose from. She mentions another man’s name, in an attempt to instigate a spark of jealously within me.

I care not. I’ve been here many, many times before. It means nothing to me because ultimately, neither does she. It’s all part of the dance. She has his name tattooed on his back. I see his name in huge letters as I penetrate her from behind. After I’ve finished, I’m politely going through the motions so I can keep her as an option to see again, once the fire again burns too furiously within me. I secretly yearn for her to leave. As I have her lie on my chest in an empty display of affection from me, she tells me how they haven’t slept together for a year & how he has slept on the sofa for that same year, even after she offered him an open relationship . It’s clear he’s depressed, but by death do us part, does she spend too much time to fix him. She was ripe for the picking all along & once something caught her eye, she was ready to go. The prospect of her family back home seemingly does not even enter her thoughts.

I understand now why people start to lie to themselves. If you’re unfortunate to be in a string of bad situations or susceptible enough to sabotage yourself by surrounding yourself with people who are not good for you, once you get a shred of happiness you hold onto it very tightly because it’s one of the few cracks of light you may have seen in the otherwise unyielding darkness. No one wants to be unhappy but life is very tough, either tangibly or psychologically or some, both. Accepting the indiscretions, so those few beautiful moments will still come along from time to time. It’s understandable but is the very nature of self flagellation & must be broken.

I know. I’ve been there.

~ Unjaded

Conversations With Zan #5

‘Do you carve those angles into your beard intentionally?’

Unjaded: The typical narcissistic modern female’s whole existence is based upon preemptive, unbelieving falsities.

Zan: It’s taken me of the most of the night to comprehend the magnitude of this statement. I’ve treated this as a numbers game for so long that I’m bored of that equation. For now I’m trying to find out about myself, by pushing my limits along the way.

Unjaded: Like banging members of the same family?

Zan had been sleeping with a girl & somehow started chatting with her mother too, which resulted in the mother coming over to his house the day after he’d banged the daughter, for a taste of the goods.

Zan: Even that feels normal. Help me now.

Unjaded: Limit pushing! Yes, I know what you’re saying. Still have a little bit of that in me. Just work it through & enjoy the process. You’ll start finding other things far more interesting soon.

Zan: Like?

Unjaded: Well, like the day I decided I wanted to bang four different women in a day. Stuff like that. Banging women with husbands & boyfriends, which always seemed to give me more of a kick than a single girl. I know why; because of the power thing. I liked to demonstrate my power. It’s a bit sick really & comes from when I was a young man seeing women have all the sexual power & feeling helpless. But then, everyone is sick in some ways. People just decide to indulge, suppress or purge it: the latter through total, prolonged submersion.

Zan: Interesting. I always preferred banging loads of women when I was in a relationship as it was more exciting. Probably the same underlying reasons though. Now though, it’s the equivalent of having a wank. Ultra basic.

Unjaded: When I was with my ex who in hindsight treated me like shit in certain ways, I got a massive kick out of banging her after I’d banged a different woman earlier in the day. Because I resented her. But I don’t get that with my main squeeze now, because I actually like her. In fact, I struggle a little bit to reconcile needs against guilt at times. I’m fucking paranoid about getting caught, to the point of CIA levels.

Zan: What will be, will be. That’s the control element.

Unjaded: Yeah sure I know that. I accept the risk profile.

Zan: When I look back, my main three relationships have all been with narcissistic women. All were a cunt in some form, hence why I enjoyed doing shit behind their back. Do you remember me telling you about that girl I finished with earlier this year? The super kinky one that pissed herself for that guy? She messaged me yesterday after a seven month gap.

Unjaded: And does that surprise you? Of course not, because you knew she’d come back as you fucked her well, & she’s presumably a cunt with low self esteem.

Zan: Nothing does anymore. He dumped her and now she’s crawling around for affection. But, the way she spoke to me was like the things that bothered us then are still bothering her now. I took great pleasure in struggling to recall who the other guys were and pointing out her low self worth. Seven months!!! She’s still in the same mindset as then too. So pathetic.

Unjaded: Because unless she has a light bulb moment of great introspection, she is doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes & being the same idiot.

Zan: I agree. It’s funny because at some point we have had that light bulb moment and now it amuses me when people haven’t. I’ve been amusing myself with the one that text me yesterday out of the blue. She’s still giving it large about the boyfriend who gave her the best orgasms ever (and ultimately chose his job over her). She’s so self absorbed, me telling her I’ve not great orgasms for a few years barely registered as the insult it was intended to be.

Unjaded: I just feel sorry for them mate, especially the men. I actually think men have more chance of escaping that mindset than women, providing they embrace the pain instead of hiding from it. Women typically just go deeper & deeper into their delusions, like a vinyl constantly being played, & the needle slowly scraping the grooves deeper & deeper.

Zan: I’ve stopped drinking coffee whilst reading some of the stuff you send!

Unjaded: It’s true though. Even when I’ve tried to help them, they seem to listen but fall back into habit. Being self aware is one of the most important traits one can have I think.

Zan: I’ve met so many women who are good at pretending to be self aware, but when you bring up the inconsistencies in what they tell you the truth becomes clear. I was talking to The Spanish Knife the other day and I think even my mother is narcissistic. My upbringing with her was horrendous at times.

Unjaded: Of course man. They want the validation from fitting into a peer group, but then pick & choose whatever reflects their inner desires, & then find a way to rationalise the breaching of their moral standpoint. It’s called compartmentalisation.

~ Unjaded

Extremist

Not incredibly beautiful, but you know you would

What a week; starting being extremely constructive & literally getting a whole bunch of stuff done, before my genetically naturally poor immune system finally gave way & I went down with a flu for two days. The first occurrence in about a year, it hit me pretty hard.

Of course, for whatever reason my exploits abroad has somewhat enhanced my reputation back in the worst country you’ve ever been & I had a greatly enhanced response from some girls I’d be laying the groundwork for before I left. The enthusiasm levels sorted out the wheat from the chaff & after being away, I came back with a real desire to get some girls on the go again. The idea of nailing some new women was at the forefront of my mind, but there was no way. After a day of not being able to breathe properly & imbibing numerous coffees to keep me awake, I went to do some cardio to attempt to shake off the symptoms that were slowly emerging within me. The session itself went fairly well, but it’s always a gamble & this time, seemed too advanced to battle. In the evening I started to go rapidly downhill  & despite the barrage of suggestions to meet up rattling my phone, by the following day I was a complete mess, entirely incapable to do anything even if I’d wanted to.

Two days of watching documentaries, playing video games & loading myself with obscene amounts of garlic, & I was almost back up to full strength. I have wanted to experience something more extreme again, such as the day when I slept with three women in one day. I’m not sure how possible again that would be, but it’s possible I could engineer it again. What’s more likely is a married (of course) woman who was working at the gym I go to, who I was momentarily friendly with, has become a little bit obsessed with me. I know two girls right now who are part Swiss & part Hungarian, & I’m not sure what happens to girls who have this combination of genetics but I seem to be of great interest to them. The first one has been texting me a lot, is friendly, younger, with a great gym trained body, while the other is the married one. She tells me she actually has somewhat of an open relationship where her husband allows her to sleep with other women (probably because he joins in I would imagine). However, that openness doesn’t extend to other men. As we know of course, these days being monogamous is a trivial matter to most women & as I was working one day, she messaged me to ask if I had ten minutes & she’d show me something. That resulted in us scurrying downstairs to the basement of the gym where she works & immediately being all over each other.

I should also point out I had invited her to my house previously & attempted to seduce her. She got half naked before saying she wasn’t sure if she could continue. I didn’t know about the husband at this point but given my experience I expected that to be the case. I could’ve probably pressed the matter further & got my way or at least somewhat of my way out of the situation but I’m no dog & least of all, would not force anyone to do something they don’t naturally feel inclined to do. I might have issues with certain things but I’m not desperate for pussy. So I backed off, being sure she noticed the outline of my very erect penis through my trousers so she could see what she was missing out on, & a couple of kisses later, off she went. I didn’t see her again until I came back from being on tour.

Upon my return, I messaged her to alert her of my return & get the conversations going again. I would say surprisingly, if not for my range of experience in my life, she’d deleted my number & left me a (two page) letter in my letterbox, describing how I’d made her feel, that she’d never met anyone like me, (conversely) that certain previous guys she’d been involved with had destructive effects on her family & finally, that her way of justifying doing something with me, would only be to attract a girl & then ‘bring’ her to me, where we’d both then have her way with her. Even a man of my experience was slightly taken aback by this, with this potential proposition I weighed up the possibility of this potentially obsessive person bringing me a string of women to fuck together, was far too much of a good thing to turn down. Given that she’s incredibly hot herself with very naughty eyes, a toned body & a couple of fake but very well formed breasts attached, I would be happy just to have her herself. But it’s seemingly the perfect lover; a married woman with kids (so they’ll be limited, controlled emotional hassle), who likes women to share with me, who will also pick them up for me & bring them to my house? It seems too good to be true. But I will ensure the situation is controlled, as she is active on the man’s real enemy – social media & so one must always stay on top of that.

I’m likely to meet her next week. I think she’s involved in a few different sexual activities & has that tragically hot yet slightly damaged energy about her which I must admit, I’ve always found very attractive. In any case, I’m just looking for something more extreme & frankly, am likely to find such a proposition hard to resist.

~ Unjaded